How many times have your parents caught you masturbating? My mother has walked in on me twice... :(
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Anonymous2005-03-16 15:33
hay i nevar got caught. coz im teh master!!!11
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Anonymous2005-03-16 16:53
My mom walked in today and I wanted to kill her thankyou.
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Anonymous2005-03-16 17:47
MY dad walked in maybe 10 years ago and I afterwards I sang out loud to kill the embarrassment. Irattional it is.
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Anonymous2005-03-16 17:58
never. my saw some s/c porn pics and sexed up comic book chick drawings in my room at age 13 or so, but since then nothing and now figures I am some kind of homosexual or defective who will fail to provide grandchildren and must be destroyed. Little does the bitch now i will kill her first.
oh that made no sense. I mean I don't wank off in public places in my house unless everyone is asleep or at least on a different floor.
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Anonymous2005-03-16 18:45
If you get caught wanking, you've screwed up somewhere. If you're gonna spank your monkey, MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE YOU CAN'T GET CAUGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
"there is all this dried jizz around my computer on the floor, chair and drawer near it and my family uses this computer and i am too lazy to clean up the jizz. I try to mop up most w/ a paper towel when I bust, but sometimes I miss some"
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Anonymous2005-03-20 10:08
>>14
LOL UR GONNA GET UR LITTLE SISTER PREGNANT AND ALL SHE WANTED TO DO WAS TYPE UP HER BOOK REPORT
>>28
One day a couple of years ago I could go home from school early (around noon) because of some cancelled class. So I got home, pulled out some lubricant, homemade dildos, a porno and some plastic to put on the floor (so It didn't get stains or whatever). Just when I had started doing my stuff my mom came home! She had apparently decided to come home and do some things during her lunch hours. I was so startled that i ran to the front door (i was naked) holding the piece of black garbage bag to cover myself. She said "hello, have you just gotten out of bed?", "uh, yes" I replied. She was acting like nothing had happened (in the living room where i was doing the stuff, the porno was still playing i think). I Panicked and in an attempt to hide my 'equipment' just shoved it all under the sofa, turned the VCR off and took my clothes on again all while shaking like shit out of nervousness (this was done while she was unloading the groceries in the kitchen, the kitchen was directly connected to the living room). Then I went to my room and stayed there until she left for work again. After she left I cleaned up whatever i shoved under the sofa and took my porno back.
A couple of days later she said "You forgot the tape you where watching in the VCR...". "No, I took it, the one in the VCR is some other videotape." I replied. That's all we have talked about this incident and I sure hope she'll never mention it again. O_o
Wow, another [male] person who has a homemade dildo. My method is making a basic shape with various plastic stuff (as a frame) and then wrapping it with duct tape until it gets to the right shape. I use balloons to cover it each time I use it (which I throw away) to keep it clean and a bit more comfortable. It's ghetto as hell, but hey, it works well enough.
P.S. - Was it gay porn that she walked in on you watching?
Just wondering, seeing as that would have made that situation all the more... revealing.
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The Red Barron2005-04-01 17:06
Once, it was my grandoa, and I was watching Girls Gone Wild.
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OmegaZero2005-04-02 7:36
I got caught just the once. Few nights ago. I have no damn lock and I busted up the hinges on my door, which gets annoying when it's windy out, thing falls over all the time.
Anyways I was sat there doing my stuff (computer is mine, and in my room), mother was just going to bed, sticks her head in the door to say goodnight, DOESN'T WALK AWAY. She just fucking stood there while I shreiked and desperately hid myself while screaming at her to "GET THE FUCK OUT".
Some people need to learn to knock. And WALK AWAY when they see something like that.
>> 27/30
On that topic, I tend to just sometimes use anything lying to hand. Drumsticks, pens, even action figures' limbs o_<
And fingers of course :D
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Anonymous2005-04-02 17:37
>>39
Um, are you using those drumsticks, pens, action figures' limbs afterwards?
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OmegaZero2005-04-03 16:28
No. I wash them and reuse them for just that.
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j-dogg!dRRlMWbjxo2005-04-03 18:12
I've never been caught myself, but I did catch my old roommate's sister one time. Neither of use made a big deal about it. I'm pretty sure she wanted to get caught, cuz we hooked up later on and several times since.
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j-dogg!dRRlMWbjxo2005-04-03 18:12
I've never been caught myself, but I did catch my old roommate's sister one time. Neither of use made a big deal about it. I'm pretty sure she wanted to get caught, cuz we hooked up later on and several times since.
Kids, if you live at home, you are WAY too young to be collecting porn
And to the guys who use dildos, please kill yourselves!
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Anonymous2005-04-22 11:54
46 GET!
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Anonymous2005-04-24 17:42
Not directly, but I kinda suck at cleaning up after myself :(
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Anonymous2005-04-28 13:26
I think I fucked up sex for myself because I jerk it only for the endorphine rush and nothing else. Porn is like, eh.
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Anonymous2005-05-03 14:25
>>45
lol silly westerner fallacies.
"WE WANT CHILDREN! MANY CHILDREN! BUT WE ACTUALLY HATE THEM AND WILL EITHER KICK THEM OUT OR KILL THEM! WE MAKE NO SENSE!"
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York2005-05-04 5:47
When I was a teenager, spice came in scrambled-the audio was perfect, but the video was just screwed up enough that you could make out the various titty and undulations if you got lucky. So I'd fap to that, sound low and trigger finger on the previous channel button. I was very careful. If I suspected movement outside my door, not only did I hit a previous channel, but I would change the channel ONCE MORE so I couldn't be traced. In fact this worked out once. My dad busted in my room with his remote, and hit previous channel. went to something harmless. He looked at me. "Good work." He left me alone after that. I guess he respected my attention to detail. XD
If you did the thing with prev. chan + chan change as well lemme know.
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Anonymous2005-05-05 5:21
>>50
your dad tried to proactively catch you wanking... that's pretty creepy
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Anonymous2005-05-05 15:21
>>50
This wasn't a masturbation situation, but it involved the porn stations on our television.
One night my parents went out of town for a couple days, leaving just my brother and I alone in the house. I was busy in the kitchen watching television and eating dinner and my brother was in the livingroom watching television. As I sat there eating I'd note that every once and awhile there'd be an odd scilence from the livingroom, the usual television noises just stopping for a few minutes and then starting back up before I'd have a chance to see what was on. Eventually my brother went downstairs to his bedroom and I wandered into the livingroom and hit the Previous Channel button. Lo and behold there was the Playboy channel, with a pay per view movie in progress. Flipping through the channels real quick I dicovered that all the porn channels had a PPV movie going. Checking the past purchases menu I discovered more than 40 bucks in porn had been payed for that night.
Now, not being one to waste a good thing I went right ahead and bought a few more and sat down to watch three or four porn movies at once. About a half hour later I flipped back through the channels and went to bed. The next morning I was greeted to an angry knock at my door, it was my mother. It seems my brother had gotten up as soon as they returned and ratted me out before I had gotten the chance to do so to him. Idiot. So it was now time to bring my greater size and strength into the equation. In the quiet of our basement bedrooms I quickly cornered him and wrapped my fingers around his throat, forcing him to agree to take the entire blame for the movies[the majority of which /were/ his]
I got off scott free and he got grounded for a month.
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Anonymous2005-05-14 19:32
i have never been caught
i am a master masturbator
'I have no damn lock and I busted up the hinges on my door, which gets annoying when it's windy out, thing falls over all the time.'
Dude, do you live in a shed or something?
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Anonymous2005-05-29 12:39
AGE
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Anonymous2005-05-30 14:13
it doesnt seem to occur to my family that walking into my room at any time of the night is A-O-K!
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Anonymous2005-05-30 14:18
I like to masturbate in the shower, doesn't matter where you spray your cum, it's beautiful.
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Anonymous2005-05-30 14:33
locks on doors = 0!
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Anonymous2005-05-30 18:33
The fact I can get caught anytime turns me on more
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Anonymous2005-06-04 23:25
I have no sex drive whatsoever. Therefore, it's impossible for me to be caught 'cuz I never do it (or anything else, for that matter) in the first place. I AM WIN.
I stopped getting caught when I was 12. I learned the way of the ninja, damnit.
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Anonymous2005-06-11 18:58
79 GET
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Anonymous2005-06-11 20:05
80GET
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Anonymous2005-06-12 12:31
81get
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Anonymous2005-06-12 16:38
82GET
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Anonymous2005-06-14 22:33
I've only been caught once... you know those huge multi-colored ink pens, where there are like - 20 different ink fills? Well, it was a rather intriguing shape, so... yeah. I waited until I *thought* everyone was asleep, and started doing my thing in my room... but, unfortunately, my bedroom is attached to the upstairs bathroom. I hadn't noticed, but my little brother had gotten up for a midnight leak, and being young and naive, knocked on my door. "Um... Raye, are you okay? Are you sick?"
multi-colored ink pens (intriguing shape) + "I'm much quieter now." + use of o_o;; emoticon
you do the math
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Anonymous2005-06-16 23:27
internet
you do the math
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Anonymous2005-06-16 23:32
Just last week, I was stroking my meat to some hot gay porn, and left my door open. The way that my room is arranged is that you can see the bed when you walk by. I was just done cumming when my mom walked by. I turned over right when I saw her, and pretended to be using my computer (my computers right next to my bed), though I don't know if she saw anything.
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Anonymous2005-06-22 12:57
I never wank off, because in our family tradition one has to commit sepuku if being caught. I miss my brother and father.
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Anonymous2005-06-24 5:05
i think my mom found my wank rag- a pair of boxers that i've jizzed on at least 20 times. it's kinda rock solid now.
This one time I was beating my meat to some hot interporn and my mom came home - I could see her car pull in through the window. Normally I would stop before she came in, but I was so close that I said "Fuck it" and kept going. It was a fap race against the clock and I won with less than a second to spare as she walked in the door.
there was this kid "bisher". i think i spelled it wrong, he was indian, so someone reading might have a better idea of how to spell his name. anyways, in bronx science, he got caught jerking it in the computer lab (in the library).
getting caught with your dick in your hands sux0rz. only n00bs get caught! lol. well sorry. but i'm sure it happens more often than people let on. so no big.
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Anonymous2005-10-25 11:22
100GET
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Anonymous2005-10-28 10:17
101get
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Anonymous2005-11-07 4:59
i knew this kid that got caught by his aunt masturbating and she put a chastity belt on him for like two weeks and it hurt him so much every morning when he tried to get a boner
>>109
Green Day... is emo?! NO! DAMNIT! Those emofags have claimed one of the few bands I actually like... this is unbelievable. This is bullshit.
Fetch me a blowtorch, I'll give those fuckers something to cry about.
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Anonymous2005-11-24 0:08
112GET
I'm too elite to get caught.
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Anonymous2005-11-24 10:45
never. and i milked the lizzard thousands of times growing up. my ex wife caught me. turned out ok as i let her finish the work.
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Anonymous2005-11-24 10:47
I rofled at this thread haha
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Anonymous2005-11-24 11:38
I am wanking
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Anonymous2005-11-24 18:22
im in ur sink
touching my harbl
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Anonymous2005-11-24 21:58
you touch my tralala
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Anonymous2005-11-25 22:48
oo
my ding ding dong
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Anonymous2005-11-25 23:59
Anal masturbation :D
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Anonymous2005-11-27 9:21
( )O( )
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Anonymous2005-11-27 10:43
//\\n//\\
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rawr2005-11-28 18:23
( . ) ( . )
\ /
\ /
\ . /
&&& <B>LoSeR</B>
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ooo.soo.kewlioo2005-11-28 18:29
wow you people are sick
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Anonymous2005-11-28 22:29
I've never been caught.
LOCKS ARE GOOD
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Anonymous2005-11-28 22:56
...so how's the closet?
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Anonymous2005-11-29 11:09
I think I've been caught by my mom twice or thrice, but she hasn't said anything about it.
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Anonymous2005-11-29 13:22
I don't have a lock on my door and yet I've still never been caught. I can usually tell when my Mom's gonna come here when I hear her footsteps, so a quick ALT+F4 + me pulling my pants back up and all she sees is me staring at my desktop for no reason.
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Anonymous2005-11-29 15:25
I do what >>127 does, but even so, I've been caught half a dozen times. I just pretend nothing happens and nothing happened afterwards.
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Anonymous2005-12-02 11:10
>>91 >>92
Dumb girl Anonymous is doubleposting. XD;;
...fag
>>97
Lol what? Stop lying, this is the internet and you're Anonymous for fuck's sake. There's no reason to say "hehe guys I don't masturbate lol!" because that is bullshit. (unless you are 12 or something)
>>1
So yeah, I've been caught a few times, it doesn't really matter, I talk with my mom about almost everything so I usually just say, "get out, I'm fapping", and she replies with "oops" and walks away. Nice relationship, I guess.
ps: Candle bases are good dildos, if you break off the top so that it isn't too long and use the rounded base it works a lot like a penis, not to mention if you just break the top off and pull the wax off there is still a string on for easy usage.
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Anonymous2005-12-02 21:16
>>1
I -think- that I've been caught masturbating. Basically, either my mom politely pretended that it didn't happen, or she somehow walked through the room and didn't notice.
Incidentally, pretending you didn't notice is, in my experience, the best answer when I've caught others.
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Anonymous2005-12-03 11:16
>>129 EMO FAG EMO FAG EMO FAG
ATTENTION WHORE ATTENTION WHORE ATTENTION WHORE
See? I can be an annoying fucktard, too!
>>132
What the hell do you think 75% of replies on 4chan consist of? If you're telling me to quit trolling, you're telling everyone to stop trolling, and if you're telling everyone to stop trolling, you're telling 4chan-- nay, the internet as a whole-- to roll over and die. Do you really want that?
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Anonymous2005-12-06 0:09
>>139
No, everyone else was being serious. You're not even being funny or insulting in any way; this is pseudo-trolling now. Gtfo noob.
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Anonymous2005-12-08 22:10
my therapist told me to masturbate o_O
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Anonymous2005-12-09 9:43
>>141
And he/she's right. It feels great, and has very positive health effects. Make no mistake, those who say you shouldn't are faggot puritans who can't bear to think somebody is having a good time.
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Anonymous2005-12-10 13:10
Got caught havin sex... never masturbating though...
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Anonymous2005-12-12 22:28
been caught masturbating over someone else having sex, stupid wardrobe kept creaking
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Anonymous2005-12-18 23:45
My little sister caught me masturbating in her bed, wearing her pyjamas.
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Anonymous2005-12-19 3:19
>>50
ZOMG I USED THE SAME EXACT PREV. CHANNEL METHOD! Except nobody ever walked in, so my hard work went to waste...
One day I was jacking and forgot to lock the door, of course my mother decided she had to ask me something and didn't bother knocking. I was so shocked and blurted out the first thing that came to mind......"I love you". Akward to say the least.
Another thing kinda similar involved an inflatable doll. Well, a buddy had gotten me an inflatable sheep as a gag gift from vegas. I eventually got curious about how an inflatabe toy would feel, so I figured it's all the same. Broke it out, fucked the shit out of it.....then needed to clean it. Well, I took it to the tub and washed it out and decided to let it dry for a bit while no one was home. Well....I went to bed and forgot all about it and woke up later to a house full of family members. Who knows if anyone had gone into the bathroom and seen an infaltable sheep being dried.....I assume they did.
Not as bad as if you're watching something, and your mum/flatemate comes in ^^;;;;;;;;, and you can still hear it (you instinctively minimise it) and its like.. 'sooo...'
>_> <_<..
(It happened 3 hours ago T_____T)
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Anonymous2006-01-12 8:43
>>161
Who cares if it's your flatmate?! Your mom however might be a little awkward
>>164
And she has probably sucked many cocks in her time. Invite her the next time!
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Anonymous2006-01-13 21:08
>>164
That's even better. Perhaps you can use it as an excuse to have surprise secks with her.
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Anonymous2007-09-06 4:23 ID:hVgoEO9n
fail
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Anonymous2007-09-06 8:04 ID:7C1CA4ge
Never been caught fapping. My mum almost walked in on me mastibating to some BangBros but I quickly turned the PC off. I swear to god I'd fucking die of embarassment, lul.
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Anonymous2007-09-06 9:34 ID:9DLhKQDG
>>168
That's nothing. If she caught you beating the meat to "End of Evangelion", now that would be priceless.
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Anonymous2007-09-06 10:21 ID:hVgoEO9n
I've never masturbated, when i started getting horny i just started banging chicks. wtf were you all thinking?
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Anonymous2009-05-31 21:50
Never got caught masturbating but my mum walked in on me getting blown once
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Anonymous2011-05-02 21:51
I've fap'd a lot, never been caught. I live with a little brother and a father, just gotta make sure that my father's on his laptop (He never comes up around the times that I fap) and that my bro's playing on the PS3. Both downstairs, both out of the way.
Pro-tip: Delete any history of porn, and go to a bunch of sites afterwords. In you leave the window open on Google, someone might click that magical back button and have solid (Lol... solid) evidence that you fap'd. Now you're a fap ninja. One moment? Soft dick. Next? Sticky shorts.