Useless Statements

Are there actually any real programmers even frequenting this board?

because it seems to me that the only people posting responses are:

1. making fun of grammar
2. saying not to help the person
3. making an obvious and unhelpful statement
4. insulting the OP's intelligence
5. insulting the OP's choice of prog language (regardless of what it is)
6. Insulting the OP's Operating system (regardless of what it is)
7. Making a statement that is inaplicable in the situation, or
8. Using some form of leetspeak/pseudocode to insult or otherwise make a statement that is moot or inapplicable


so i would find it interesting if those that frequent this board fill out a quick questionaire:

A. Your Age
B. Your Level of Education
C. Your Experience with Programming (list all applicable)
and finally
D. Your current Occupation and Paygrade

Ill start with the next post...

OP here, I stink. HAHAHAHAHA I AM SO FUNNY LMAO!!!11

>>1-999
Same person and we have been trolled constantly

>>2
back to /b/, please

A. 20
B. Junior in College: 3.6 GPA, ~75 Hours
C. About 21 hours of Undergrad Classes and 6 hours of Grad-level Project based Courses
D. Junior Editor for a local paper; ~$35,000+ a year (part-time, Plus any articles i submit via freelancing.
(i rake in about 600 a week)

20
MD, PhD, DSc, FAAD, Sgt
I wrote the ansi standard eight years ago. I also wrote the first ansi compliant c compiler eight years ago.
I write huge enterprise systems that you couldn't possibly imagine as an EXPERT PROGRAMMER.

>>5

HAHAHAHA
YOU THINK YOURE THOUGH UH ?
I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU
  THE FORCED INDENTATION OF THE CODE
GET IT ?
I DONT THINK SO
YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY OTHER CAR I GUESS ?
ITS A CDR
AND IS PRONOUNCED ``CUDDER''
OK YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT PROGRAMMER
THIS IS /prog/
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO POST HERE ONLY IF YOU HAVE ACHIEVED SATORI
PROGRAMMING IS ALL ABOUT ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
I HAVE READ SICP
IF ITS NOT DONE YOU HAVE TO
TOO BAD RUBY ON RAILS IS SLOW AS FUCK
BBCODE AND ((SCHEME)) ARE THE ULTIMATE LANGUAGES
ALSO
WELCOME TO /prog/
EVERY THREAD WILL BE REPLIED TO
NO EXCEPTION

A. 17
B. current college student
C. a year of college so far and sepples is my hobby
D. student $0.00

A. 55.
B. Harvard University.
C. Programmer at the AI Laboratory of MIT.
D. President, Free Software Foundation, 140K.

>>9
WTF, The Sussman!

>>10
Free Software Foundation
No.

>>11
WTF, The Greenspun!

A. 21
B. Completing my BSc, considering dropping out because of ``useless bullshit.''
C. I wrote a C compiler when I was 12.
D. ``Programming Consultant'' 20 hours/week doing essentially Linux Administration; $10/hour.

FSF Software Foundation

>>11
You do know the Sussman is a voting member of the Free Software Foundation?

>>1
not a real programmer

ergo fatso nigger, only one who would complain about our trolling is some sad fucker who wants us to be his personal programming professors or support desk

people here are real programmers, trust me on this, if you ask the right questions and look through the trolling bullshit, you will see

I am a real programmer.

I am an unreal programmer.

A. a little less than (-1)^(1/i) years.
B. "In my opinion the prevailing systems of education are all wrong, from the first stage to the last stage. Eduation begins where it should terminate, and youth, instead of being led to the development of their faculties by the use of their senses, are made to acquire a great quantity of words, expressing the ideas of other men instead of comprehending their own faculties, or becoming acquainted with the words they are taught or the ideas the words should convey." -- William Duane, "Journal of the Senate of the Commonwealth of Kentucky," 1822
C.
#include <inttypes.h>
#include <limits.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
int main(int argc, char* argv[]){
 for(int i=1;i<argc;printf("== prime factors of %jd\n",strtoimax(argv[i++],NULL,0)))for(intmax_t n=strtoimax(argv[i],NULL,0),j=2;j<=n;n/=n%j?(++j)*0+1:j+printf("%jd ",j)*0);
}
D. internet troll, over $9000.

A. 27
B. Completed highschool.
C. None.
D. Unemployed, I'm trying all the fast food chains around, but all have turned me down so far.

ok, cool, i get to voice myself for once.

A. 22

B. In my 8th semester of college, one more to go (im slightly behind)

C. cs major, besides all the self-teaching (basic, c++, java, javascript, php, scheme, brainfuck, linux, etc...things for fun and things for actual use), as for cs jobs i've been
-teacher for elementary students (html)
-teacher for middle/high school students (java)
-teacher for teachers (i had to teach them fucking dreamweaver)
-teacher's assistant (i taught the intro. CS labs that everyone hates)
-tutored for all the beginner CS classes
-microchip programmer

D. tutor @ about $9/hr, and researcher @ about $10/hr
i only work a total of 19 hours a week between both however, as i am but a student

>>21

me again

classes ive taken:

Data Structures in Java (first class)
Discrete Math (nothing to program here)
Advanced Data Structures in C
Computer Organization I (circuits in simuaid)
Systems Programming (low-level C, Perl)
Analysis of Algorithms
Operating Systems (C and Java)
Computer Organization II (MIPS and x86 assembly)
Programming Languages (Scheme, ml, C++)
Compiler Writing (C, yacc, my favorite class so far)

currently in

Unix and Network Security (to understand hacking you must become a hacker, great class)
Computer Networks (C, this guy sucks)
Computer Architecture (verilog???  fuckin lame)
Multimedia (matlab and image encoding/transforming, meh)


also, my work is in beta-testing a brand-new programming language my compilers professor wrote for scipting automated code transformation for optimizing performance-critical functions (thats a mouthful, right?)  im part of a small team, its kinda neat.  way better than enterprise programming imo.  id rather do something fringe/out-there than something common.

>>1-21
everyone on /prog/ is unemployed and lives in their parents basement, spending their days insulting random strangers who make simple spelling or grammatical errors

>>22
Spoiler: /prog/­ doesn't give a shit what stupid ass courses your dumbass managed to pass -- you're still stuck doing shit jobs making wages on-par with the uneducated redneck working the night shift at McDonald's flipping burgers for unemployed niggers getting their late-night munchies fulfilled.

And you work is ``Beta-Testing'' a programming language? Please. Programming isn't a fucking video game, it's abstracte bullshit. If you were an enterprising expert, you'd draft a large collection of test cases and demonstrate that the programming language meets expectations. If you're an EXPERT PROGRAMMER you'd set up a proof of validity which demonstrates that the language is both valid (can be implemented) and useful. Then you'd write a paper explaining why your Scheme implementation benefits from omitting the SET! command.

Another spoiler: Your ``professor'' you so look up to is a fucking dipshit who couldn't get a decent job himself, and has settled with teaching idiots like yourself. Maybe he's got a flair for ego-fanning, maybe he's a closet pedophile who doesn't want to get in trouble with the law again. Who cares. The point is that he's a talentless hack, and you're even less for respecting him. Even less for inflating his hollow-backed ego further. A real programmer can wank any arbitrary language together with their own semen smeared over lex/flex and yacc/bison and still have enough time in the day left over to lay pick up a pair of lesbians at the bar and fuck them both. Twice.

So why don't you go back to sucking your professor's cock under the desk, since you so obviously want to follow in his sorry footsteps? We certainly don't want your kind here.

>>24
I grade you A. I don't see where I can fault you.

A. 48
B. Ph.D, Computer Science
C. PDP-11 Asm, x86 Asm, SPARC Asm, MIPS Asm, ARM Asm, C, C++, Java (some), Lisp, FORTRAN, Pascal, Scheme
D. Senior Instructor; $128K/yr (yes, that's 2¹⁷).

>>26
This may surprise you, but 2¹⁷ = 131072

>>27
Kibidollars.

A. 14
B. Junior High, High School next year
C. I wrote an IRC spammer in Python using irclib, and I'm learning Perl now. C bored me with all the hexademical tl;dr sections.
D. My parents don't give me money so none.

>>29
EXPERT ANIME COLLECTOR

A. 23
B. High school in august
C. 8 years of c, perl, php, sql, less experience with assembler, intel syntax using nasm on mostly unix systems like bsd, some experience in sparc64, mostly creating shellcode on it, some experience also in tcl and tk(also with perl), i know basic c++ but only because i already know c well, not much experience using c++, i worked for 4 years running an isp where i also wrote code and managed servers
D. Student at adult loser school, freelance work sometimes

A. 22
B. BSCS, 1 year into MS
C. 2 years DoD contracting
D. RA, 25K + summer work ~= 35K

A. 12
B. Self-educated
C. I wrote an ANSI C compiler in ANSI C
D. Writing programs that you wouldn't even comprehend

good luck OP!!!

/prog/ has been overrun with cancer a LONG time ago, look at the replies in this thread and count the helpful ones. although /prog/ hasn't become another /b/ (yet), it's only a matter of time before the real programmers leave. noone wants to post among people who don't know what personal responsibility on a board means

/prog/ used to be a place where we could be amongst eachother; now we're amongst eachother--WITH A LOT OF FUCKTARDS MIXED IN. that sucks on an anonymous board. the signal/ratio has been dropping SO BAD lately that me and a couple of friends decided to start our own chan.

we just have the boards we want, atm that is: /int/, /pro/, /prog/ and /psy/ (you read that right: no /b/ -- if we wanna act like fools we come here). to keep it from degenerating into a pool where people like >>7 congregate we're only inviting real life friends (and they dont go around spamming the IP).

when you know who is frequenting the board (irl) it's much easier to deal with trolls. every shit post get permabanned. of course when someone we know asks us to be unbanned we do it right away, but shit like >>2,3,7 basically doesn't happen. the trolls stay where they belong: 4chan. it really *IS* the garbage can of the internet y'know.

i invite everyone to do the same, it really makes for a much better experience online.

>>35
/prog/ is /b/ with programming.

4chan is not a place to be serious on the Internet.

>>35
Who the hell "deals" with trolls? Trolls are the cancer that cures "serious business".

>>35
Look at it this way.

On most browsers, you can bring up your browsing history by pressing Control-H. (No, this is not going to become a discussion of werecows.) On Firefox, this brings up a sidebar that shows up on the left side of the window. If you put your mouse over the edge of the sidebar, the cursor will turn into a different kind of arrow. By clicking and dragging it, you can move the edge of the sidebar back and forth. You are, to put it another way, manipulating the border between the normal window and the history window. By moving the mouse, you can increase the portion of the window devoted to either part. In a more extreme view of this situation, you're increasing or decreasing the amount of existence the sidebar has.

Now, let's apply this idea to something more abstract. Look out your window. If you don't live in a highly urbanized area, you should be able to see the horizon. Think of this as the border between the land and the sky. The land and sky are obviously distinguishable thanks to this boundary. Now, if you were to "drag" the sash between the sky and the land, or to manipulate the border between land and sky, you would end up causing the sky to become larger and the land to become smaller, or vice versa. An effect of this might be to cause something that was just on the ground to suddenly be hundreds of feet in the air. Truly a frightening situation to be in. So, look at it this way - manipulating the border between two physical things shifts whatever balance there is in the interaction between those things. Alternatively, by manipulating the border between two things, you can change the manner in which they exist.

Still, this isn't *that* abstract, since it's still dealing with real things in the real world. Many believe that in this world, there are those things that are true, and those that obviously aren't. This divides reality into two extremes: truth and falsehood. But, since we have two extremes, logically one can imagine a boundary between those two extremes - the border between truth and lies. If one were to manipulate this border, suddenly things that were pure fantasy (flying pigs, for the sake of argument) have become reality - or things from reality have ceased to exist. This is how Yukari is said to have invaded the moon - by manipulating the border between truth and lies, as applied to the reflection of the moon on a pond, she was able to make the reflection of the moon into a manifestation of the actual moon, and so send her youkai army onto it. This is what's truly amazing about Yukari's power - the ability to manipulate the border between completely abstract concepts allows her to fundamentally change reality as we know it (at least in terms of two abstract concepts).

>>35
start our own chan.
link plz so i can cum n fuck u up!

I do agree that the shitty copypasta in >>7 is very annoying, however.  The original tough programmer copypasta is much more amusing (and I happen to have written it as well).

>>36-40
WHBT.

A. 18
B. High school graduate, now in a junior/community college.
C. Been programming in various languages since I was 12. Started with C, and have learned to different extents the following languages: C++, Python, Ruby, Lisp, Scheme, Perl, Java, and C#.
D. I'm a "Test Assistant", which means that I test the software my employer sells, report bugs, then verify that bugs get fixed.  I sometimes write trivial programs or help fix bugs found in the other programs. $10/hour.

A. 21
B. CS student
C. 40 credits or something. I know java well, other languages not well enough to do any hueg projects, but enough for more basic code.
D. I work on campus.

You're right OP -- there seems to be a hard core of a few CompSci grad students having a circlejerk in order to drive out any real content.  It's rare to find any thread that hasn't been put beyond salvage.

>>43
Oh God, you are so dreamy. Some stupid FORTRAN programmer confesses he can't tell define, let and set! apart, so you just FUCKING WHIP OUT LAMBDA EXPRESSIONS IN HIS FACE.

>>44
My point proven within a couple of minutes.

I do agree that the shitty copypasta in >>7 is very annoying, however.  The original tough programmer copypasta is much more amusing (and I happen to have written it as well).
I wrote both.

>>46
No, you wrote the shitty one, I wrote the one with IOCCC.

>>24

you didn't even get my prof's gender right.  way to fail

you don't sound like you actually enjoy programming.  i suggest you consult S[/spoiler]ICP

Where can I find a copy of S[/spoiler]ICP?

>>49
http://mitpress.mit.edu/s[/spoiler]icp/full-text/book/book.html

>>1
You're the guy that wanted help on collision detection in java.

I can tell.


5 REM >>1
10 PRINT "GTFO"
20 GOTO 10

The Annex is fucking awesome.

http://annex.wikia.com

>>53
I'm not sure whether I should vandalize or ignore.

>>54
The latter. He's probably thinking he'll reverse-psychology us into vandalism.

A. 22
B. I have a bachelor's degree in something unrelated to programming. Second year of college for CS right now.
C. tl;dw
D. What the fuck does that have to do with anything?

>>22
what school you goto, just asking, because the courses sound exactly the same in professor suckage, and language?

>>57
goto considered harmful.

>>1
Yes, I'd like to tell you my STORY,

I WROTE A POKER GAME IN AN OBFUSCATED WAY

>>59
No, you didn't.  You wrote it in a way that made sense when you wrote it.

>>59
That's ok.

Your beautiful assembly code was trashed when we trashed the hardware we ran on. Thanks to the grief you brought to this company, we do everything in Java from now on.

A. 18

B. finishing 2-year, transferring in the fall

C. Did research in 'computer science' over the summer where I wrote an interface to MySQL with PHP. I took a computer science class which was taught in Java. Needless to say, I'm frustrated with college education, so I'm reading SICP

D. I have a mouth-breather job at a publishing plant, where I suggest bug fixes and improvements to the in-house programmer's custom software and he sends me back emails saying things like "That's just idiot-proofing :-P" and forwarding it all to my manager

>>57

I'm afraid that if I told you, and you went to the same school as I, you'd easily figure out who I am (many of my peers are also internet nerds, and a small chunk of them are anon).  Let's just say I'm sick of all the construction going on. 

Everyone on /prog/ has solved p=np, no exceptions.

I wrote an interface to MySQL with PHP
You mean PhpMyAdmin? Arguably, I can reason that it might not have been your choice of topic and some idiot just had one of those EXCELLENT IDEAS and selected you, the chosen one, to implement it.

I wouldn't go around calling that ``research'', though, without using the appropriate ````''''. Research is designing a better clustering algorithm for running a distributed RDBMS. And so forth.

>>63
``South Lawn Project''? Also, I am not >>57.

Okay Im writing a program and need some help.

So I have an int Z and an array of ints called ArrayN;  I want to see if any of the ints in ArrayN sum to Z.  There is no limit to the precision of the int (can theoretically stretch to infinity).  I need a polynomial time algorithm which will solve this problem.

Please help I am sure all the lambda calculus people will quickly solve this.

Forget it, it's NP complete

Get the sum of all the integers in ArrayN. If it is less than Z, return -1, otherwise, recurse on ArrayN.

>>66-68
I lol'd, not because >>68 is pretending to be a fucking retard who doesn't understand computational theory, but simply because there has never been a meme response more appropriate than >>67.

I fucking love you guys.

>>1
A. 27
B. BSc Comp Sci
C. Lots of diverse experience, but particularly strong in C++, VB, SQL and x86 assembler
D. Programmer, $55k

>>70
I raged and lol'd at your selection of languages.

A. 50
B. I have an MA in Mathematics and an MSc in Astrophysics
C. 33 years, including FORTRAN IV, Pascal, 'C', Ada, Basic (IBM PC and Tektronix micros), Bliss, Z80 Assembler, TPU, C++, Java, C#, JavaScript, Python, Ruby, F#, Erlang, Scala -- and maybe one or two more that I've forgotten
D. Principal Design Engineer; which means everything from component design under a top-level architecture to coding and bug-fixing, with a large side order of old fashioned hacking to plug design oversights as a troubleshooter.  On enough to be very  comfortable, but not enough to be able to retire.

>>72
Why on earth do you come to /prog/, to mock us?

/prog/: dick waving contest

A. 10
B. My dad taught me programming. He's a really smart scientist He works at Zerox Park.
C. BASIC and FORTRON and ALGOL and Ada and Im reading DRAGON BOOK about compilers
D> I'm a kid!!!but when i grow up I want to be a computer scientist like my dad.

A. 19

B. CÉGEP (that's college in Québec, french canada). Currently in "techniques de l'informatique", it's kinda like computer science I guess - probably the same fucking thing actually(maybe with less math tho, meh, whatever, you get the idea).

C. learned BASIC first when I was like 15 since i was bored. Once I entered CÉGEP i started learning real shit: VB, C++, SQL, xHTML/CSS, php/MySQL -- and soon I'll add Java + Javascript + VB script to that list. I'm also currently learning python by myself since I want to. Why? Who the fuck knows...
I'm not some pro 1337 programmer... yet at least. I just like technology in general and programming random shit whenever I want to.

D. I only work during summer. Worked in a park last summer (was doing fucking everything, mostly setting shit up, for a bunch of "HOLY SHIT special 4-8k ppl national events omg" without any help, which was totally awesome) for $9.02/hour (6k/summer). This summer I'll probably get a job in IT, anything will do. I'm fucking desperate now and I NEED a job. I guess I'm just tired of doing nothing.

inb4 "THIS ISN'T A FUCKING BLOG"

>>75,34,6
It's sort of a sad progression, isn't it?

>>76
inb4 separation from canada

>>76
i started learning real shit: VB, Sepples, SQL, xHTML/CSS, php/MySQL -- and soon I'll add Java + Javascript + VB script to that list.
learning real shit
real
I lol'd. Also, forget about Python and learn Scheme with SICP, C with K&R and forget everything you know about Sepples before doing so, then learn Sepples, not before C. FFS.

IHBT

>>79
SICP = link plx, everyone here talks about it but we don't have that in french canada.

And I don't really know why they teached us C++ and not C... I'll probably end up learning it by myself. I suppose it's very similar anyway.

>>80
Video lectures : http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=5546836985338782440
http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=-1634408017041876836
http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=-3980624564484146912
http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=-8799490545977047833
Etc.
Ebook :
http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/full-text/book/book.html
PROTIP : You will probably never use lisp again but everything taught in this will surely make of you a better programmer.

>>81
Thanks.

Nice to see this board still isn't corrupted.

http://zip.4chan.org/g/res/1258868.html

>>82
Stop trying to change that then, tripfag.

>>81
If you're not using Lisp it's just because you didn't learn it well enough (or the Haskellers got to you).

>>81
Why use Google Video when you can use http://swiss.csail.mit.edu/classes/6.001/abelson-sussman-lectures/ ?

>>86
Because streaming it is nice. I doubt MIT's server for the SICP lectures are fast enough or that the files are small enough to be streamed, or a combination of both doubts. Regardless, Google Videos can be streamed on the fly, no point wasting space downloading them.

>>73
I think the "membership at large" achieves that result without my having to do anything.  I just drop by for my own amusement; and, in the rare occasion that there is a thread that hasn't been SICP/LISP/Enterprise/Sepples/whatever'd to death, maybe contribute a little.

>>87
MIT's server for the SICP lectures are fast enough
My old P3 can play video just fine. I don't understand how even a shitty server could be not ``fast enough'' to merely transmit data over the network.

or that the files are small enough to be streamed
It's fairly easy to re-encode them to stream (which is what both Google Video and YouTube do).

The only reason that MIT doesn't stream them is because there's no point -- it requires effort to set up when it's already available for free on YouTube. No technical limitations whatsoever.

fucking faggot.

>>89 is misinterpreting >>87, which was referring to the upload speed of MIT's server, not computing power, hence "... fast enough or that the files are small enough to be streamed" -- because the larger the media file, the more upload speed required to stream it. Furthermore, (1) it is easy to re-code them, and (2) there is no point in MIT streaming them when Google Video and YouTube do; yes, these are acceptable points, and >>87 said nothing of them nor indirectly disputed them.

Perhaps therapy is in order, for dealing with RAGE.

>>90
[b]######     #     #####  #######
#     #   # #   #     # #
#     #  #   #  #       #
######  #     # #  #### #####
#   #   ####### #     # #
#    #  #     # #     # #
#     # #     #  #####  #######[/b]

>>91
i lole'd

dshr = sage

I like my bash, mind you.

>>75
If someday, I have a son, I hope he will be just like you.

>>95
Forget it; it's NP-Complete.

>>95
That's kinda sad.

>>97
Please get the memes right.

>>98
>>97-kun invented that meme.

>>99
Ｉ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｋｉｎｄ　ｏｆ　ｂａｄ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｉｔ　：（

Have a sagePill:

(^_SAGE)

A. 15
B. Still in high school
C. about three years using rispu and C
D. None

A. 17
B. Graduating High School in a month
C. PHP and Java
D. Fulltime Student, $0

A. 17
B. Current highschool senior
C. Java and PHP
D. Student, $0

A. 12
B. Fourth Grade (Dropped Out)
C. RPGMaker 2008
D. Game Maker For Own Company

A. 19
B. Leaving high school in a month
C. Scheme and Haskell and C
D. Student, $0

>>102-106
Same person with too much free time on his hands.

Go write a text editor or something.

A. 42
B. Self Trained, Longtime Gamer
C. Hopeful Game Designer
D. Got addicted to WoW so I quit my job at Borders.  Now I work to become a great game designer and hopefully make a really cool MMORPG.  My ideas are pretty awesome and can't wait to find some people to work with.

>>108
Here.
http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1174660652
I dug it up just for you ♥.

I still remember my friend who had just decided his major was telling me about it.  "I'm going into computer science so I can make games.  I have some really cool ideas for games and I can't wait to make them."  I responded having actually read a programming book, "you should check out a programming book before going and see if it is for you.  It is different then you think".


He didn't pick up a programming before college and9 months later he switched majors and had a horrible GPA from it.

>>109
I remember this thread.

Sepples 2 years have   passed since then   and I still   learned a lot   of professionals who!

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