The Great ONE WORD DESCRIPTION Game!

ITT: Describe the following programming languages with one word. If you don't know about one of the languages, just write NULL.

Java
Python
OCaml
Haskell
C
C++
Lua
VBScript
Javascript
PHP
ASP
Visual Basic
Pascal
Objective-C
Ruby
Perl
Scheme
Lisp
Shakespiere
Brainfuck
Assembly (generic)
Curve fitting (http://www.korokithakis.net/node/89)

one word: the forced indentation of code.

Thread over.

Java — hypermegaprolixity
Python —         code
Ocaml — camel
Haskell — bullshite
C — assembly
C++ — Bjarntroll
Lua — Portugal
VBScript — wat
Javascript — Lisp
PHP — puke
ASP — NULL
Visual Basic — heaven
Pascal — Blaise
Objective-C — Smalltalk
Ruby — slow
Perl — explosion
Scheme — toy
Lisp — best

Java - FacadeBuilderFactoryFActory
Python - S&M
OCaml -  Finance
Haskell - StackPointerMonadicOverflow
C - Obsolete
C++ - AIDS
Lua - Meh
VBScript - *vomits*
Javascript - ;_;
PHP - DIE
ASP - NULL
Visual Basic - *vomits*
Pascal - Retarded
Objective-C - lol
Ruby - Blogging
Perl - @:%^&^
Scheme - haxmylambda
Lisp - PaulGraham
Shakespiere - Misspelled
Brainfuck - Satori
Assembly (generic) - Meh

Java : inheritance
Python : Py
OCaml : null
Haskell: MENA
C : pointers
C++ : struct
Lua : null
VBScript : meh
Javascript : prototype
PHP : sucks
ASP : null
Visual Basic : meh
Pascal : null
Objective-C : null
Ruby : null
Perl : polyglotic
Scheme : Lisp
Lisp : Scheme
Shakespiere : null
Brainfuck : fuck
Assembly (generic) : optimization
Curve fitting : tan

Thread: reddit

>>4
C is never obsolete.

Java: WTF!!!!
Python:SHIT
OCaml:NULL
Haskell:OMG
C:lowlevel
C++:Puke
Lua:Games
VBScript:Gay
Javascript:ok
PHP:fukcingshitniggerass
ASP:GO and die in a fire MS!!!
Visual BasicGO and die in your own shit MS!!!
Pascal:kiddieshit
Objective-C:NULL
Ruby:OOfaggotry
Perl:Bload
Scheme:Lisp
Lisp:Functions
Shakespiere:NULL
Brainfuck:best
Assembly (generic):RE
Curve fitting (http://www.korokithakis.net/node/89):NULL

>>7
mores the pity

Sure, I'll bite:

Java: boilerplate
Python: fun
Haskell: rigid
C: fast
C++: gotcha!
Lua: scripting
VBScript: kids
Javascript: incompatible
PHP: incompetent
Pascal: learner's
Objective-C: verbose
Ruby: fanboyish
Perl: noise
Scheme: pure
Lisp: tarpit

Java - plumbers

Java: adequate
Python: meh
OCaml: NULL
Haskell: disappointing
C: jin-jang
C++: insane
Lua: NULL
VBScript: NULL
Javascript: flexible
PHP: fubar
ASP: NULL
Visual Basic: NULL
Pascal: NULL
Objective-C: NULL
Ruby: dowant
Perl: cpan
Scheme: NULL
Lisp: paren
Shakespiere: NULL
Brainfuck: complete
Assembly (generic): NULL
Curve fitting (http://www.korokithakis.net/node/89): NULL

>>10
Scheme: pure
sshhh, no-one tell him about R6RS.

Java — everywhere
 Python — gentoo
 Ocaml — NULL
 Haskell — lazy
 C — assembly
 C++ — skiddism
 Lua — games
 VBScript — wrong
 Javascript — VBScript
 PHP — web
 ASP — .NET
 Visual Basic — troll
 Pascal — Old
 Objective-C — Apple
 Ruby — slow
 Perl — hackers
 Scheme — Lisp
 Lisp — Sicp

Java: HighlyExtendableObjectOrientedEnterpriseBullshit
Python: FIOC
OCaml: CamelCase
Haskell: Evolution
C: Old
C++: GayC
Lua: Moon
VBScript: *I'm afraid I can't read this, sir*
Javascript: Closures!
PHP: *I'm afraid I can't read this, sir*
ASP: M$_BULLSHIT
Visual Basic: *I'm afraid I can't read this, sir*
Pascal: End;
Objective-C: null
Ruby: slow_as_fuck
Perl: Cryptic
Scheme: (Cast(Spell(1)))
Lisp: (Cast(Spell(2)))
Shakespiere: Boring
Brainfuck: >++++++++++[<++++++++++>-]<++.>++[<+++++++>-]<+++.-------.
Assembly (generic): LLVL
Curve fitting (http://www.korokithakis.net/node/89): *Not a programming language*

>>16
I see what you've done here, sir.

>>17
What I've done can't be seen. Conclusion: you are hallucinating.

Java - Enterprise
Python - Ruby
OCaml - NULL
Haskell - NULL
C - Optimal
C++ - Bloated
Lua - Fast
VBScript - Winperl
Javascript - Elegant
PHP - Fag
ASP - Reporting
Visual Basic - Business
Pascal - Eccentric
Objective-C - Subjective
Ruby - Python
Perl - Regex
Scheme - Lisp
Lisp - Scheme
Shakespiere - No
Brainfuck - 
Assembly (generic) - Hacker
Curve fitting (http://www.korokithakis.net/node/89) - no

Java — cuntpaste
Python — FIOC
Ocaml — smokes
Haskell — peyote
C — eunichs
C++ — kludge
Lua — gaems
VBScript — ENTERPRISE
Javascript — FrozenVoid
PHP — PHuckeduP
ASP — NULL
Visual Basic — kindergarten
Pascal — old
Objective-C — Macfags
Ruby — nips
Perl — profanities
Scheme — Sussman
Lisp — ((((((((((()))))))))))

>>15
ahh, I'm currently studying the language of the beaners on my own.

>>15
I prefer:

(cast-spell (read-grimoire x))

>>20
But peyote is awesome. Haskell is more like toad licking.

>>20
Macfags
http://boards.4chan.org/g/

Java - dad's work
Python - cartoon
OCaml - toy (3-6)
Haskell - toy (7+)
C - toy (all ages)
C++ - toy (broken)
Lua - happy meal toy
VBScript - toy (35+)
Javascript - joke book
PHP - sex toy
ASP - sex toy (anal)
Visual Basic - dad's previous work
Pascal - educational toy
Objective-C - section 3.3
Ruby - textmate screencasts
Perl - grandpa's hobby
Scheme - video game (ESRB T)
Lisp - video game (ESRB M)
Shakespiere - Did you mean: Shakespeare
Brainfuck - grandpa's porno tapes
Assembly (generic) - grandpa's work
Curve fitting (http://www.korokithakis.net/node/89) - python

Java - Inelegant
Python - Practical
OCaml - Messy
Haskell - Pure
C - Old
C++ - LOL I HERD U PROGRAM C++
Lua - Lightweight
VBScript - Ugly
Javascript - Ugly
PHP - Ugly
ASP - NULL
Visual Basic - Ugly
Pascal - Ugly
Objective-C - Ugly
Ruby - Elegant
Perl - Crap
Scheme - Parentheses
Lisp - SICP
Brainfuck - Elegant
Assembly (generic) - Optimization

Ruby - Elegant
Perl - Crap
Oh, you.

>>25
What does mommy do?

>>28
She's a op in brainfuck.

bitches and whores

Java: ROBUST
Python: pleasure
OCaml: NULL
Haskell: factorials
C: kawaii
C++: mistake
Lua: Crusis
VBScript: NULL
Javascript: die
PHP: DIE!
ASP: why?
Visual Basic: NULL
Pascal: nostalgy
Objective-C: gay
Ruby: funny
Perl: o_0
Scheme: ))))))))))
Lisp: ))))))))))
Shakespiere: NULL
Brainfuck: ;_;
Assembly (generic): pain

Java — COBOL++
Python — Practical
Ocaml — NULL
Haskell — Mensa
C — Drivers
C++ — Games
Lua — UI
VBScript — NULL
Javascript — NULL
PHP — Retarded
ASP — NULL
Visual Basic — Fail
Pascal — Turbo
Objective-C — NULL
Ruby — Blogging
Perl — Valid
Scheme — Educational
Lisp — Fun

Java= beginners
Python= practical
OCaml= lexers
Haskell= functional
C= kernel
C++= good
Lua= simple
VBScript= NULL
Javascript= dirty
PHP= Fail
ASP= null
Visual Basic= slow
Pascal= NULL
Objective-C= NULL
Ruby= NULL
Perl= files
Scheme= NULL
Lisp= NULL
Shakespiere= NULL
Brainfuck= Turing machine
Assembly (generic)= 80's
Curve fitting= Oo
Malboge= sucidal... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malbolge

IF PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES WERE WORDS..

>>34
You just gave me a great idea

>>34
YOU HELPED HIM!!!
And we're probably going to suffer for it.

Java = beginners
Python = beginners
OCaml = Oh, camel!
Haskell = functions
C = god mode
C++ = beginners
Lua = beginners
VBScript = ENTERPRISE beginners
Javascript = skiddy
PHP = skiddy
ASP = ENTERPRISE
Visual Basic = ENTERPRISE beginners
Pascal = Computing student
Objective-C = Steve Jobs
Ruby = Japan
Perl = God mode poetry
Scheme = God mode
Lisp = God mode
Shakespiere = Poetry
Brainfuck = God mode anal touring
Assembly (generic) = Electronics student
Curve fitting = A girlfriend (mutually exclusive with all of the above)

How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using:

The proliferation of modern programming languages which seem to have stolen countless features from each other sometimes makes it difficult to remember which language you're using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers in such dilemmas.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

Assembly
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there."

Ada
If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."

Modula/2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in the language, you shoot yourself in the head.

sh, csh,etc.
You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and switch to C.

Smalltalk
You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.

APL
You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what the hell happened.

>>38
Lisp
You write a program that writes programs for shooting feet. It does this for everybody, including you, because of a bug in the program that writes a program for writing the program that writes programs for shooting feet.

Your injury causes you to forget a closing paren, and you feel vague worry all day.

C#: charming

>>37
Post disqualified for using more than 1 word

>>38
Java
You can't instantiate the gun because it's abstract and has no constructor.

Ruby - Weaboo

Java: Coffee
Python: SNAKES
OCaml: Ungulate
Haskell: Lambda
C: Alphabet
C++: Betabet
Lua: Moon
VBScript: NULL
Javascript: Decaf
PHP: Recursive
ASP: WASPS
Visual Basic: NULL
Pascal: NULL
Objective-C: Gammabet?
Ruby: Shiny
Perl: Oysters
Scheme: Plot
Lisp: Flaming
Shakespiere: FORSOOTH
Brainfuck: Bowdlerised
Assembly: Legos
Curve fitting: sexytiems

Some of these just don't have names conducive to being made fun of.

Python - THE FORCED INDENTATION OF CODE

>>45
see >>2

Slowpoke.jpg