The Great ONE WORD DESCRIPTION Game!

ITT: Describe the following programming languages with one word. If you don't know about one of the languages, just write NULL.

Java
Python
OCaml
Haskell
C
C++
Lua
VBScript
Javascript
PHP
ASP
Visual Basic
Pascal
Objective-C
Ruby
Perl
Scheme
Lisp
Shakespiere
Brainfuck
Assembly (generic)
Curve fitting (http://www.korokithakis.net/node/89)

Java: HighlyExtendableObjectOrientedEnterpriseBullshit
Python: FIOC
OCaml: CamelCase
Haskell: Evolution
C: Old
C++: GayC
Lua: Moon
VBScript: *I'm afraid I can't read this, sir*
Javascript: Closures!
PHP: *I'm afraid I can't read this, sir*
ASP: M$_BULLSHIT
Visual Basic: *I'm afraid I can't read this, sir*
Pascal: End;
Objective-C: null
Ruby: slow_as_fuck
Perl: Cryptic
Scheme: (Cast(Spell(1)))
Lisp: (Cast(Spell(2)))
Shakespiere: Boring
Brainfuck: >++++++++++[<++++++++++>-]<++.>++[<+++++++>-]<+++.-------.
Assembly (generic): LLVL
Curve fitting (http://www.korokithakis.net/node/89): *Not a programming language*