There you go, continuation of
>>30
>>11 Sara 05:
"друг / подруга" means "[male] friend / [female] friend". Since we're speaking of "boyfriend / girlfriend", these will be "молодой человек / девушка".
"у моих родителей дача" sounds too incomplete for such a short sentence in this context, should be "у моих родителей есть дача" instead
Кто там будет кроме нас? -> Кто там будет, кроме нас? (sorry for no explanation - gut feeling of native speaker)
не могла заснуть - fullstop is missing, it's the end of a sentence
(позднеё is not a word)
>>16 Sara 06:
"То есть все кроме Сюзан" definitely needs a comma or two: "То есть[,] все[,] кроме Сюзан"
Наконец мы были одни -> Наконец, мы были одни (starting "introductory" word (not every word is introductory) is separated from the rest with a comma)
>>17 Sara 07:
See
>>18. The rest is grammatically correct. Not that it sounds very natural in such situation, but that's not your problem, I guess.
>>20 Sara 08:
"через знакомого, — по блату" is wrong since it's not a direct quote. Pick either , or - (only one of them is fine, no matter what)
(Дело в том, [...] балерина.) - The whole sentences are never put between brackets in Russian.
Asdfasdfasdf (fsadfsdafdsa).
or
Asdfasdfasdf. Fsadfsdafdsa.
but never
Asdfasdfasdf. (fsadfsdafdsa.)
though you may encounter the latter in teh Russian Intrawebz aka RuNet, it's wrong.
"Гулять, так гулять!" is a phraseologism ("[verb] так [verb]!" is a set in stone word combination meaning "Let's [verb] like there's no tomorrow"), and, being such, it's always written "Гулять так гулять!" (no commas anywhere)
почеловал (not a word) -> поцеловал ("kissed")
Но у меня ничего не для тебя. (meaningless) -> Но у меня нет ничего для тебя. / Но у меня ничего нет для тебя. / Но у меня для тебя ничего нет. ("I have nothing for you.")
"и Митя около меня." sounds like "Mitya somewhere around me" which isn't quite fitting the mood. Better version is "и Митя рядом со мной." meaning "Mitya by my side". That again, it's not your fault due to authors not being Russian natives in first place.
>>23 Sara 09:
"планы на каникулы?, — спросил Митя" must be "планы на каникулы? — спросил Митя" since the quote doesn't end with fullstop (?, !, ... all "eat" the following comma while comma "eats" previous fullstop)
"Жду — не дождусь!" is an another phraseologism written without any punctuation marks, you just have to remember that it's "Жду не дождусь!" despite of any rules.
"Мы ходили в Эрмитаж, в Русский музей, и в другие прекрасные музеи" - last comma is excessive since there's only one и. Compare:
"Мы ходили и в Эрмитаж, и в Русский музей, и в другие прекрасные музеи" (all museums are successively enumerated using и)
"Мы ходили в Эрмитаж, в Русский музей, в другие прекрасные музеи" (и isn't used at all)
"Мы ходили в Эрмитаж, в Русский музей и в другие прекрасные музеи" (two museums are enumerated in succession and the rest don't belong to the series)
>>24 Sara 10:
Петербург (Saint-Petersburg) got this name restored after the fall of the USSR. Since she's talking about events that took place during the Soviet period, it must be Ленинград (Leningrad).
Было бы отлично если бы ты могла остаться -> Было бы отлично, если бы ты могла остаться (separate sentences)
Я уже всю сделала ("I've done her all" WTF) -> Я уже всё сделала ("I've done it all")
познакомишья (not a word) -> познакомишься "will get acquainted with")
всретили (not a word) -> встретили ("[we/they've] met")
Его родители были в гостях и мы были одни. -> Его родители были в гостях, и мы были одни. "Его+родители" make one independent sentence and "мы+были" make another; if you combine them into one sentence using и, you have to split them using comma despite the rule stating that comma is never placed before the single и.
А потом...я не буду рассказывать о деталях. -> А потом... Я не буду рассказывать о деталях. due to them being separate sentences even though 2nd one continues interrupted previous one. It's Russian, not English.
Ignore
>>25. Some of it is just crap, and where he did pinpoint the flaws, his suggestions fail as much as the originals.
>>28 Sara 11:
"Мы с Мишей" (Misha = Mikhail) != (Mitya = Dmitry) So that's "Мы с Митей" actually.
>They lived there, but we were having fun here.
>WTF "но" is doing here?
Bad choice of words. Read: "Though they should've been staying at the hotel, we all have been living together at Mitya's."
Ей была только четыре года ("her age, she was just four") -> Ей было только четыре года ("her age, it was just four". "Age" is "it", not a "she", hence "было", not "была").
Also, Sara 11 in Russian sounds even more stretched than all the previous texts, especially the second part. The one who wrote it definitely wasn't Russian, though he/she knew the rules.
Good luck on your studies.