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Turning to crime

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 21:37

I am unemployable, morbidly obese loser. Due to a couple sexual harassment lawsuits a few years back, I cannot find a job anywhere. All I have is about £200, a masters in computer science, and a desire to live a more expensive life. As such, I've been thinking about becoming a criminal to get money. I'm thinking of buying a gun, and maybe selling drugs. I'm not a good fighter, so I'll probably only sell to schoolchildren. What do you think? Would this be a good career path for a SICP master to take?

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 21:44

I don't know what amount of what you wrote is serious but the first part seems really sad and I hope things improve for you.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 21:50

You're so full of shit OP.

No way in hell you're a SICP master.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 21:55

[S]uppression and [I]nterrogation for [C]riminal [P]rosecutors

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 21:57

>>3
He is typical. I'm too a SICP master, but I have no CS degree. The only way I can support myself is by committing crimes, like eating cats and stray dogs, because nobody wants to employ a Lisper. They all want only PHP.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 22:04

As a jew you can always go to your local ``italian''/``russian'' mafias/synagogue and they'll hook you up with something involving their CP ring. You might even get the rape and murder a goyish lolie! On tape! And make money doing it! And when your ring gets stung, you'll get off the hook scot-free by the string pulling of jews controlling the US and whatever nation you may be in!

Bet you feel glad to be a jew now, huh?

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 22:06

>>3
Maybe he meant that he's a Seeking and Inspecting Child Pornography master.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 22:08

>>6
If >>1 were a Jew, he would have never been sued, and would never have a problem finding a job. We take care of our own. Also, Jews don't even entertain the thought of doing violence ourselves, we make goys like >>1, or the sub-Saharians do it for us.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-07 22:24

>>6
The singular of `lolies' is `loli'. Get it right.

Name: [Goldman] 2013-07-08 1:30

>>5

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 2:19

>>6
Can I get a job like that if I'm not a Jew? I'm not a sick pedo freak though, so maybe just something simple, like selling guns to African warlords for diamonds, or perhaps lending money? I don't want to put in a lot of effort, and I don't want to see the damage I cause with my own eyes.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 6:34

>>1
If serious, why do you not work remotely? Even make your company with a computer you have around. There lots of companies that do work remotely.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 20:05

Anyone want to start a cybergang? We could be just like Anonymous, but not as faggy. We need some website designers, a writer to write profound stuff, and someone to lurk on IRC all the time and tell people that we are doing stuff. Maybe do some protection rackets (or schemes, if that's your thing). "Hey, nice tumblr you've got there. Sure would be a shame if someone saved those images and posted them instead of reblogging."

Programmers need not apply.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 20:08

>>13
YES

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 20:38

>>13
I hope you get cybergangbanged on the next forum you join you sick fuck.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 21:20

             (         .-,
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     /.--'        `-. `. \         `-.__.'
                     `.'_/

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 21:20

>>16
I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 21:33

>>17
It's a Rorschach test. Tell me what you see, and I'll interpret it and tell your future.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 21:38

>>18
I see a baby dragon.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 21:42

>>18
Which Rorschach? The psychology guy, or Watchmen guy?

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 21:48

>>19
You're going to inherit a large some of money within three months. Unfortunately, you'll die of cyanide overdose within the year, when your relatives try to steal your wealth. Beware of eggs.

Also, you'll encounter rain next Thursday, so be sure to carry an umbrella.

>>20
Both.

>>22
Consider them checked.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 21:56

>>21
Nice job checking my dubs.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 23:06

>>21
I see a large Jew, coming to rape me. What is my fortune?

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 23:10

>>23
Your fate is to post antisemitic spam to a disinterested audience for all eternity.  And to be raped by a large Jew, apparently.  Enjoy!

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-08 23:12

>>1
did you know you could get paid for sucking dicks? think of all the money you've lost all these years you were doing it for free!

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-09 8:58

Our White brethren need to take better care of each other. Other races stick up for their collective interests. The Jew was brainwashed us into being neurotic individualists.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-09 9:43

>>26
fuck you cretin

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-09 11:32

>>27
Look at this butt-hurt kike.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-09 12:10

>>28
look at this impotent goy

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-09 12:16

>>29
No, I'm idempotent.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-09 12:28

>>30
no, you're nilpotent

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-10 23:50

>>12
How to get started? Spoon feed me, I'm a retard with no initiative.

Name: --- CHECK EM 2013-07-11 0:02

SPOON FEED MY ANUS

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 3:10

>─────▄████▀█▄
>───▄█████████████████▄
>─▄█████.▼.▼.▼.▼.▼.▼▼▼▼
>▄███████▄.▲.▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲
>███████████████████▀▀
YOU HAVE BEEN CAUGHT BY THE GATOR OF DOOM! REPOST THIS 5 TIMES OR GET GATORED!!!

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 12:19

I read that as Turing to crime.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 12:29

Anal Turning was a criminal, because anal sex was illegal back then.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 12:54

>>36
A smooth criminal.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 13:34

>>1
Your fear of breaking the law is just a mirage, your true fear is doing anything at all.

Why don't you realise this since you call yourself a master? Realise that you were afraid and know that you can do anything if you stop being afraid like an animal! Now, since you are not afraid, it is time to mock your fear. Here's what you do, travel to a random third tier city in China and locate a bunch of kite fliers (look into the sky and wait until you see a kite, try to estimate where the pilot might be and go there), could be a streat or it could be a park whatever. Use your hands and body language to let these guys know that you wanna buy a big kite, lots of them, like 40 of them (one big ass 3m kite costs 100 chinese bucks) and 1000 kevlar line to go (add another 100 bucks per kite), so still manageable for a poor master. Now you got a fuck load of big ass kites and 40000 meters of kevlar line. Haul this shit to the nearest airport and fly as south as possible, your goal is to find someone who flies to research stations in the antarctica, where you'll sell your kites to amused researches. You could pull that off by social engineering (lots of opportunities if you have a ton of high altitude weather research kites...) or you could just be frank and try to cut a deal with someone who'd love to fly your kites. Heck, what do I know, point is, just get out and rule, stop being afraid and show it.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 14:57

>>37
He liked backdoor access a lot.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 19:59

I INVENTED COMPUTING AND ALL I GOT WAS ASSASSINATED BY THE QUEEN

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 20:52

>>1
I don't want to be some kind of Tony Robbins asshole telling you what to do, but if you're smart enough to get a master's in comp sci, you have options.  I'd work on the physical thing first because you'll have more energy to do things.  You'll need it.  Additionally, you will get more respect from ape-folk.  For a start, just fill 4 litre juice jugs or something similar with water and hold them at arms length until exhaustion a couple of times a day, and go for walks; escalate to runs.  You will give up a few times.  Think about trying again until you're dreaming about it at night.  Wash conscientiously.

I'm not familiar with British law, but if it's a lawsuit and not a criminal charge you're dealing with, just get an entry-level shit job where they don't need a reference for a year or so.  Lie about your level of experience/training (say you have less) or they'll be suspicious and won't hire you.  Practice your story before you talk to anyone; deviate from the truth only where necessary (less to remember).  This job probably won't directly involve programming - you'll likely be some kind of gofer.  Finish your daily work fast and fill the rest of the time by programming something useful for your employer.  Initiative is rarely punished.  Work hard to impress your new employer, but remember that loyalty does not exist in a business; you should move on as soon as possible.  Do not engage with women unless absolutely necessary.  Because you are obese, the threshold for harassment will remain low for some time.

Listen to Kraftwerk in secret.

Losing 10 or 20 pounds and getting a year of experience in the new gap under your belt will make you more hireable.  Use this.  After that, it's basically repeat until bored.  Get fitter and more experienced until you can start a business, either because you have saved enough to live on for a while or because others trust you enough to invest in you.

A new business has a 9 in 10 chance of failure.  This means that to have more than a 50% chance of success, you will have to start 7 businesses.  Determination is important here.  Very few well-off people succeeded on their first try; this is because a little bad luck can destroy a new business easily.  Be ready for destruction.

Because this is /prog/, some people will tell you to give up.  That's an option, but please consciously choose whether you want a life that's easier in the moment and ultimately unrewarding (since in this unfortunate world money brings freedom, which I think is what you're after), or a life that is shit fucking hard for a long time but has a range of outcomes almost all of which are more enjoyable.

Most of all remember that it's not all that hard.  People much stupider than you have made it just be refusing to give up.  Zeal and Fury.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-11 20:58

Take a look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA4R84xfLOQ

If those fucking morons can do it, surely you can too.

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-12 0:12

>>41
>Listen to Kraftwerk in secret.
This is good advice.

Name: Anonymous 2014-02-20 10:48

Name: Anonymous 2014-02-20 14:11

Kill yourself you perverted slimy fatass

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