Return Styles: Pseud0ch, Terminal, Valhalla, NES, Geocities, Blue Moon.

Pages: 1-4041-

Tips on getting laid. (lol 4chan)

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:00

My 20th birthday is coming up and I've decided that I want to lose my virginity before then. I'm pretty decent looking, I've had few girls tell me I'm sexy. But I'm not really a party kind of guy, and I'm kind of shy, which greatly hinders my ability to get laid. What tips can you give me to help me on my way?

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:01 (sage)

why do you want 2 get laid? R u some kinda conformist tool conforming to everything that's out of your control without batting an eyelash coz ur so bent out of shape u can't even control the basic functions of ur own weiner?

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:04

just pay the fucking money and get an escort.  Why the fuck not?  Get sex overwith and you won't have to obsess about your virginity anymore.  If you're looking for just sex, it's not like you're going to find a girl of any better quality at bar or some shit like that.

Option 2 is being less shy!!  and that is not easy and takes time.  Your looks aren't as important, it's your personality and your shyness that will ruin your chances of getting anything at all.  Fuck it!  Just get an escort.  Simplify maaaaaan!!! 

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:04

Yes, sadly. :(

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:04

>>2
a failure at life.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:08

>>3

Well, I guess it's mainly for self-esteem reasons. I'd rather get a girl to have sex with me through social interaction/my looks than money. Stupid, I know, but that's me.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:16

>>5

whut, whos da failure?

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:27

this is why you get laid in your teens when all the girls are sluts, stupid, or both

find easy girls, the kind that hangs around the internet, gaming animu-furry bitches, they desperate man, i'd hit it if it werent fat

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:29

>>6
Don't be a douche like so many others... don't make the mistake that I made.... having grandiose ideas about sex, thinking that the first time has to be perfect.  I strongly advise you just get it over with just to get rid of the fucking tension and wondering what it's like and all that shit.  After the first time, then go out and hunt for a girl. 

And oh yes, forget your looks.  There are plenty of very ugly men who happen to be very charismatic and have the alpha male attitude, and that's how they get insane pussy.  I guarantee, even if you were a very hot looking male, you would STILL fail at getting pussy if you are shy as hell.

I know.... truth be told.  I used to be shy as hell.  I went on an insane mission to understand women and have sex with them.  I thought if I buffed my body, that should work, right?  NO!  I got super ripped and actually became a model!  I went to university thinking it was going to be a non stop fuck fest because I was so hot.  My looks got some girls interested in me initially, but the second they realized that I was shy and afraid, my chances were gone, and I ended up going my entire first year without getting anything.

I wish I just paid for the damn escort!

So yes, 4chan, there are actually some good looking / athletic people who come to this site.  However, even though I am good looking, I still have a whole shit load of social and mental problems... so that's why I'm here ^_^_^_^__^_^__^^___^

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 1:42

>>9  I wish I just paid for the damn escort!

How much does a decent (read: not herpes-ridden) escort usually cost? I've never actually looked it up or anything.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 2:38

Tell me humans. Why do you conform to such things beyond your control? You didn't always want the "pussy".

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 2:40

>>11
a failure at life.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 3:08

>>12

whut position r u in 2 determine whut is the point in life and whut isn't? human

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 11:35

Omg you (most of u) are all indeasant human beeings if the guy loves his girlfreind it might be erectial difuntion or somthing you can easilly cure it look it up on some search site or go to a doctor, its not that hard fix the problem fast and get back to banging yuor gilfreind and the escort idea is some stupid shit because im sure almost all of them had some kinda STD. And you (it be better) love this women or atleast if you do you should stay with her. Tenchincally if you just cant get a bone but uve had sex uve technacally have had sex but just get it fixed.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 11:49

>>14

...What? My penis is just fine.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 19:05

The first step to recovery is atmitting okay

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 19:35

Need an answer for >>10

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-14 23:37

>>17

Well, I'm sure it differs from area to area.  Where I am from, average is about $120 per hour I guess.  The difference in cost between the high class ones, and the low class ones is not very much, so you might as well pay the 20 extra to get the high class ones. 

I don't worry too much about STD's because condoms are extremely effective.  Believe me, the girls you have sex with do NOT want to get STD's any more than you do, so they take every precaution they can.

But I am in Toronto, Canada and maybe the sex industry is very different here.  Escort services are so abundant and their standards are usually very high.  They're not crack whores... these are real women who make a legitmate living.  Escort services are almost like a "respected" business where I live.  The escort services are in new buildings, in affluent areas of town, mixed in with any other respectable business.  They're run like a spa, almost, with very professional business people.

But whatever, you can't be sure if anyone has STD's.  If you actually research the number of people who have STD's, you will never want to have sex again because a huge number of those people with STD's are just regular folk, college studetns, everyone. You're not that much safer just going and banging a college chick.  So just use a damn condom!!!

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-19 2:46

I have an excellent idea: DONT HAVE DRUNKEN SEX AT PARTIES AND YOU WONT GET RANDOM STDS.

Seriously. Girlfriend -----> Long Term Relationship------> SeX -----> ??? -----> Profit!
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-20 0:05

>>19
The downside of the relationship thing is that you'd have to put up with with her all the fucking time.  Plus, there are other downsides
1) you don't know how long it will take to actually get a girlfriend.  And the waiting can be supremely frustrating.  And if you suck with women, it could be a damn long wait.
2) you don't know if you'll actually make it to the point where you'll get to have sex with her.
3) you'll have to spend more money on her overall than if you just get a sex friend.

If you go in to a long term relationship just for sex, you will not profit!!!!  It just doens't make sense to be in a relationship just for sex.  Why be phony?  If sex is what you want, get a sex friend!

http://www.adultfriendfinder.com
http://www.lavalife.com
http://www.alt.com ( for you fucking weirdos)

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-20 4:39

>>1
1. Buy gun
2. ???
3. Profit!

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-20 5:53

Just talk to a girl like she's a guy friend, but make her laugh in conversation.  Invite her over, watch a movie, then say you're going to bed.  The next morning, kick her out of the house. 

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-20 9:48

>>5
Actually you're the failure, those who know penal desires are incorrect (as they make a man incredibly weak IN THE MIND which is the only importance in life, the fucking mind, not the goddamn penis).
>>12
Same person as 5.

OP, don't get laid, it will bring you one step closer to death, I guarantee it. Hold on to your self, hold on to your shyness, hold on to your desire to stay away from people, for it is these things which bring my mind safety from the destruction of it which society craves. Why do they crave it? Simple, they already lost such values and consequentially their individual selves, so naturally out of jealousy, they would want yours to be destroyed as well.

I had once been like you, a near 20 virgin receiving ridiculous mind alterations due to hormones, damn things saying that I had to dive in some fucking skin trench of death, yet I had known such things would be the end of me and cause me to not only hate all other (which I already had) but even MY self as it would have been the surrendering of it to such pitiful disgusting retarded and primal pullings. I had for 18 years been quite strong in my self in this matter, but one day...I had slipped, I'm not sure what it was, I had all of a sudden become quite weak, and the chemicals produced by my nuts took their opportunity and gave their biggest attack, and it paid off for them, ever so unfortunately.
It all happened so fast, one day I was the fucking king of the universe, an unstoppable being who succumbed to no demands other than my own, the next I'd been half a man, finding out I'd gone stomach to stomach with a retarded whore who had been after my nuts for 3 goddamn years. Now instead of hope for that which I would have been able to do in the world with my abilities, I only desire for it to be destroyed, all people to be brutally murdered by my two hands (or feet, I do happen to like stomping out skulls, plus it saves time when you have 6 billion breeding retards to take care of) and the planet to be completely abandoned, forgetten among the pages of time in the library of space, never to be gazed upon again for how sickeningly ugly and putrid it all is, in order to protect the eyes of those who are truly innocent, those who do not want to have such filth to be pushed upon their will by senseless fucking troglodytes, the only way to ensure the innocents will not have the same thing happen to them that happened to me is through the death of all life on this planet for good. And whether you believe me or not, I will make sure that those who actually have minds and selves will be able to live with them, and not in a place that lusts for those things to be viciously stolen from them by wretched heathens who know nothing of themselves or their minds like >>5. People who such hopes are already too fucking late for, people who are the only true criminals in existance, in the only law that matters, my law.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-20 10:17

>>23
Is a level 20 Wizard, listen to his sound advice.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-20 14:43 (sage)

>>24
Actually, A level 20 sage.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-20 18:53

>>25
I put on my wizard hat and robe. I bring out my magic wand. I zap you with it. You die. Do you want your posessions identified?

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-20 19:49

Become gay. Men are easier to understand, more fun and more nicer.

Name: !zCY1XLxXtc 2006-04-20 23:44

>>23

heh heh heh..... so, #23, we meet again.  You think you are quite a wise fellow eh?  You know not all.  Your world would come crashing down if you even considered the possibility that you may be mistaken.  Read over your last post one more time...

Now, I find it very interesting that sometimes, for some unknown reason, when people go on insane, vague, extremely overly dramatic rants, they actually believe to be showing their wisdom... while they are actually showing how truly weak, and failure prone they are.  23 confirms that you are, without a shadown of a doubt, a FAILURE AT LIFE :D

 >>23 those who know penal desires are incorrect (as they make a man incredibly weak IN THE MIND which is the only importance in life, the fucking mind, not the goddamn penis).

I'm afraid you fail at both life, and in logic.  For the experience of libido IS in fact, an experience of the MIND, as all things in life are.  The penis and the mind are one.  That is not to say that the penis IS the one.... but that penis and mind co-exist.  Those who cannot accept this coexistence, those who cannot find harmony with this coexistence are the true failures in life.  #23, your post is your sob story of how your desires destroyed YOU!!!!  YOU are the failure.  I am sorry to break it to you.

Had you been able to accept your lustful nature, and learn to control it, you would have found those "evil" desires to be a very good part of your life, rather than something that consumed you and turned you in to to the spectacular ranting failure that 23 is.

But, hope is never lost.  The choice is now yours.  You may continue living your life, thinking that there are "chemicals produced by your nuts", or you can accept those chemicals as a part of who you are.  Not evil, nor divine... they just ARE.  That is the point where you shall be at peace.  And that is the point when you may finally begin to truly appreciate those chemicals in your nuts, and use their powers for good, instead of evil.

I gave my suggestion to the original poster to prevent him from becoming you.... or something like you, #23.  I thought that he was being controlled by his hormones, and if that continued, he could end up going crazy, like #23 did.  Therefore, my advice was to just get the sex over with, so that he may realize that sex is not that big a fucking deal!  Not something to be feared and hated, like #23 does.  But by getting sex over with, experiencing it, >>1 may finally be released from all the brainwashing, the fear, the hate and resentment, all those pent up emotions, and he could eventually begin to realize what role sex truly plays in his life.

But above all else, I am curious. I ask you, Mr. Anti Sex >>23, WTF are you doing in a place like 4chan with philosophies like yours.  Don't you belong in a temple or something?  Also, you are probably bipolar :)

I consider this matter closed.  I consider #23 to be a ranting lunatic, and therefore I shall not respond to any more of his rants, unless he confesses the error of his ways, which have been clearly shown tonight.  #23, I hope you find something else in your life other than bitterness and hate towards everything.  I suggest you not defy again, for you would only be feeding that hate within you.  #23, please do not respond to this thread.  You would show yourself to be so much more respectable if you just let it go... and start on a new life which is not a failure.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 0:11 (sage)

>>28
THE PLOT THICKENS

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 0:26

his is a very compeling discussion you are both right more so 23 he is more logical and serious.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 0:31

GO 23!!! KICK HIS BUTTZ

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 7:25

>>28
Sure dude, fuck the bitches all day, that's totally the true and smart way to evolve and doesn't put your signature on the contract of death.

Oh well, >>1 take witness in >>28, he is the product of the brainwashing by the will of the society, the same one that is trying to take your mind as well. Let your nuts derail you on the path to the true evolution in the form it takes (which eludes >>28) on our level. Sure, the bump and grind may evolve the animals over MILLIONS of fucking years and generations and may have a SLIGHT chance to bring them to our level that we find ourselves at, but continuing such things at that level is a practice in stupidity and animal instinct. Tell me >>1, would you rather be a worthless animal buttfucking a diseased whore all day wondering why you even fucking have a mind at all, or would you rather be a god who uses the possibilities the mind brings to achieve great, unimaginable, and geniuinely fascinating things and come to know the universe in its truth and entirety? (well spare for earth, for earth can be forgotten about what with being filled with being who have been granted a consciousness but choose to act on primal instincts instead of it, such pathetics) The choice is yours >>1, which do you want more, temporary carnal pleasures that are not without strings, or infinity, intangibility, and most importantly a complete and fully utilized mind?

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 11:20

>>32
uni-bomber

Name: Champion level 34 sage 2006-04-21 14:28 (sage)

>>33
Wouldn't be the first time I've ever been called that.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 15:13

>>32
All that is said and good, but is masturbation still kool?

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 17:26

>>32
Stop being a fucking loser who worries so much about sex. Being so emotional about it is pretty lame, and hypocritical for one who claims to be unaffected by their base emotions. Point being, you seem to get more emotional about the idea of sex than anyone else here. So, it would appear that you are the one that sex has power over, that it drives you so obsessivly to shun it.

Meanwhile, I (not 28) will continue to better myself as a person, but I'll be focusing on what matters, instead of trying to avoid a part of what it means to live.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 17:36 (sage)

>>36
Self-improvment is masturbation

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 20:11 (sage)

>>35
masturbation is better than sex, but in ideal an individual who is free of it is overall a better minded one. However, as a tool to avoid that which involves having to deal with people (who are retarded, remember) it is invaluable.

Sorry >>36 but sex is not live. You keep trying will succumbing to it, I'm sure you'll get far, oh and you totally are since you obviously think you have it more together than myself, but however this is not the case. Good luck with the breeding. Yes it has a power, a power to warrant huge disgust from me, which is all it should do. It is the only way it can be used. It needs to be obsessively shunned just as much if not more so than it is so obsessively chased by all of you.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-21 23:17

>>38

Wha????  Don't you know that it is actually not healthy for a person to NEVER masturbate or have sex?  Physically unhealthy.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-22 0:36

This thread delivers. That is all.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-22 3:30

>>39 is full of shit. You dont need either. Without...that... you with have a clear mind, free time on friday nights, the ability to ponder, you will be more wealthy, and you will live a longer, happier life.

I say down with sex.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-22 5:23 (sage)

Obviously a troll guys, give it a rest. You disappoint me

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-22 9:41 (sage)

>>40
Oooh! I have a fan! What an exciting time to be a lounger.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-23 14:16

>>39
Doesn't it come out automatically like in a week or two if you don't?

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-23 16:32

>>44
In your piss yes, but its not semen at that point, it is arsenicified

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-23 20:47

>>45 is right. You have the ability to absorb the protein, and the stuff you cant reuse you piss out.

Keep in mind this is also part of your sleep cycle (why you wake up with an erection)

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-23 22:27

>>40

Quoted for truth, I loled

Name: Enshin 2006-04-24 4:43

This is obviously a joke because he asked it on 4 chan.

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-24 20:57

>>23 or whoever,
if we as humans do not procreate, then how are we to survive as a species?

Name: Anonymous 2006-04-25 0:07

>>48
desperate people will search anywhere and everywhere for answers.  They don't know the answers, and don't know where to look.

Name: Anonymous 2006-05-07 4:52

>>9
identity crisis ^_______^

Name: Anonymous 2009-02-03 4:00

Name: Sgt.Kabu矒⭷kiman靎酑 2012-05-26 17:50

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Don't change these.
Name: Email:
Entire Thread Thread List