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/prog/ jokes

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 10:54

Some people when confronted with an miopia think "I'll wear glasses", now they have four eyes.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 10:55

Some lisp programmers, when encountering a problem think "I'll use recursion", now they have two problems (base case and inductive step)

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 10:56

my other car is a cdr!

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 11:07

Some people, when confronted with a joke, think "Ha ha that's funny". Now they have two problems.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 11:08

It is highly doubtful that any joke will top the one about The Four Engineers.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 11:11

>>5
It is highly doubtful that any joke will not top the one about The Four Engineers.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 11:16

Some people, when confronted with a statement, think "I'll copy this but change key words and phrases". Now they have two problems (lack of originality, lack of sense of humour)

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 11:20

>>7
Oh the irony!

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 12:54

Some people, when confronted with some cheese, think "I'll make a sandwich". Now they have no problems.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 13:24

My other joke is a jdk.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 14:39

Some people, when confronted with endlessly redundant threads, think “stop flooding prog with this shit, asshole”.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 15:25

Here's a joke

A programmer and his friend are talking. The friend asks, "My internet is running slow can you fix it?" The programmer went back to the friends place. booted up the computer. and beat the friend to death with the monitor.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 15:32

Guys wants to learn a programming language, he picks up Java, and everyone laughs at him.  He was the joke.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 15:54

Guys wants to learn a programming language, he picks up Java. Now he has two problems.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 17:47

>>14 That's the joke
Guys wants to learn a programming language, he picks up a cat and eats it. Now he has no cats.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 18:13

Guy wants to learn a programming language, he goes to /prog/. Now he has two problems.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 19:11

>>12
I actually laughed at this.
Like so concat . repeat $ "ha-ha-"

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-08 20:47

>>17
Why didn't u just cycle"ha-"?

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-09 2:12

>>18
Because it is a guilty laughter; it's not quite as hearty.
My concat . repeat $ "ha-ha-" is at best 92.26178% as hearty as your cycle "ha-"

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-09 5:03

>>19
Silly programmer, your concat . repeat $ "ha-ha-" is a mere twenty-eight-point-five-seven-one-four percent as hearty as cycle"ha-"!

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-21 23:08

>>1
/prog/ joke of the year

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-21 23:28

>>20
Touhou references? In MY /prog/?

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 0:08

>>23
Just so you know, a circle would be a very accurate Venn diagram of the userbases of /prog/ and /jp/.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 0:09

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't!
Haha; lol.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 0:27

>>24
What about the other eight kinds of people?

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 0:47

>>25
There all gay.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 1:05

>>25
this

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 4:00

Whose gay?

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 5:08

>>27
what

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 9:05

>>22
How the hell is 28.5714% a toehoe reference?

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 10:47

>>30
2/7

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 18:17

>>30
How many colours in the rainbow? How many colours in Reimu's outfit?

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 19:19

>>23
Why did you quote yourself?

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 19:28

>>23
Maybe not one circle, two maybe. One entirely closed within the other.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 20:06

>>34
/prog/ enclosing /jp/? I think you give the Wapanese too much credit.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 20:24

Wapanese
Back to EncyclopediaDramatica, please

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-22 21:11

>>36
That word was old before the ED admins' grandparents were born.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 0:01

>>23,34
I know Xarn hates /jp/ and I know a few /jp/ users who hate /prog/, ergo your wrong bitch.
Good news, too! Xarn was unbanned! #twoproblems

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 1:02

>>38
That doesn't really mean anything about how many of us go to both boards. I'm still under the impression that a large part of /prog/'s lurkers are shared, for better or for worse. And how do you know Xarn hates /jp/? Hating on /jp/ doesn't really mean anything to me, as moot himself hates it.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 1:03

>>38
Cairnarvon Still banned. Browsing /prog/ using elinks on my shell server is getting old. #twoproblems
[sup]about 7 hours ago via web[/sub]

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 1:56

>>39
He dropped out of Japanology because it was full of weeaboos.
And I don't doubt /prog/ and /jp/ share a lot of users, they just aren't identical sets.

>>40
04:54:56 < Cairnarvon> I've just been unbanned, apparently.

(Three hours ago.)

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 10:32

DESU DESU DESU

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 11:30

>>42
Valid Jap talk

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 14:57

A mathematician, a biologist, and a physicist are sitting at a corner cafe for coffee. Across the street they see a building with a revolving door.

During a lull in conversation, the three scientists observe two people walk into the building, and three people walk out.

The biologist says, "This must be proof of procreation inside the building!"

The physicist says, "I think we can chalk this up to experimental error."

The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the building, the building will be empty"

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 16:42

At that moment, the Sussman was enlightened.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 17:39

>>44
Stop rewriting the same joke

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-23 19:10


public class MyFirstProject1
  public static void main(String loldontusethese[])
  {
    ArrayList<Person> mybuilding = new ArrayList<Person>();
      mybuilding.add("sussman");
   ;mybuilding.add("anon")
    mybuilding.remove("sussman");
     mybuilding.remove("anon");mybuilding.remove("hmafan");
 
    mybuilding.add("hma meme smith");
      if(mybuilding.contents().getSizeFactory().getBuildingObject().getsize().toInteger().toint() == 0){
      System.out.println("building is empty");
    }else
    System.out.println("darnation");
  }
}
}
}

Can't get it to compile, your joke sucks.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-24 5:18

Why did the baker have brown hands

He KNEADED MY ANUS   lol lol

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-24 5:34

SCHEME TOOK ALL DEFUN OUT OF LISP

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-24 5:42

echo dsrovIgifvAwlIdslBhvwITEIChDFSRFIQOIORFIQOPIONMLDdsrovIgifvAwlIbvhIJdszgIwlvhIgsrhIyfgglmIwlKJBdirgvIH1HGAwlmvHGDtADFEDwCBhsAwlmv|tr a-zA-Z zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba\;\|\'\/\#^\&\\\\\ \"\?\$\*.+\)\]\[\(-|sh

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-24 8:00

>>49
THEN USE A MACRO

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-24 8:56

>>49
and good fucking riddance

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-27 22:39

Some people, when confronted with a math problem, think ``I know, I'll just use a quadratic''. Now they have two solutions.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-27 23:29

>>50
wtf does this do?

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-27 23:44

>>53
Oh god.

Name: Anonymous 2010-05-28 4:06

>>53
Not necessarily 2 different solutions, however

Name: Anonymous 2010-06-06 16:46

>>53
That one made me laugh.
UBANTU PANTSU.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-21 9:37

Gerald got seven apples from Julie, then he ate three apples. How many apples does Gerald have now?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-21 9:57

>>58
He has fifteen, because he started with eight, and the three he ate belonged to Nora in the first place.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-21 10:08

>>59
He is fifteen, but now he's eight. He belongs to Nora in the fisting place.

I need to stay the hell off of asstr

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-21 10:25

>>58
Three iff he is a Sepples programmer.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-21 10:55

>>61
Now, what are the last two names in http://www.ibm.com/developerworks/kr/library/s_issue/20070403/sicp-cover.jpg ?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-21 12:51

>>62

The last two names are "eval" and "apply".

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-21 23:11

>>9
Some people, when confronted with some cheese, think, "I'll make a sandwich." Now they have no problems.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-21 23:31

>>64
Actually, without butter, they have two problems.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-22 1:15

Some people, when confronted with http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1273330487/ , make a "two problems" joke. Now we have n+1 "two problems" jokes.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-22 1:29

>>66
Aha! Is it n+1 or n*2?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-26 22:37

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:::::/::::::::/::::::/　 ,=＝＞ﾄ{_,　|:::|　|::::::|　|::::|　＼|＼::::::::|::::::::::::::::::|::::::::::
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.::::::::::/::::ﾊ:::| ´‾‾｀　　　　 　 　 　 　 ヽヾ､;;;;;;;;;;ノ　　Ｏ::::ｏ::::::::::::::::
::::::::/::::/ .:ヾ､　　　　　　.:::　　　　　´‾ ＝=‐-　二つ /:::::::::::::::::::::::::::　　　　　　　RABBI WALKS INTO CAT!
:::::/::::/ .::::∧　　　　　　 ｀　　　　　　 　 　 　 　 　 　 /::::::::/::::::::|:::::::::　　　　GETS DEVOURED!!
::/::::/ .:::::/::∧ 　 　 　 ヽ｀'ー---　、 　 　 　 　 　 ／.::::／:::::::::::|:::::::::
/:::/ .:::::/.::/.::.ヽ 　 　 　 |:::::::::; -‐::::.ヽ　　 　 　 ／.::::／:::::::::::::::::|:::::::::
::::;' .:::::/ .::ｉ:::::::::.＼　　　 !:::/7:::::::::::::::::ｉ　　　 ／.::::／:::::::::::::::::::::::|:::::::::
.:::! .:::/ .:::::!:::::::::::::/＼　　Ｖ〈::::::::::::::::::::| 　 ∠:::::／:::::::::::::/.:::/::::::|:::::::::
::::|:::/ .:::::::l::::::::::::/.::::::.＼　＼ヽ､＿／/　　　　/::::::::::::::::/::::/|:::::::|:::::::::
::::' .::::::::/::::::::::/.::::::::::::::.＼　｀'ｰ--‐'　_,. ‐'"/.::::::::::::／.::::/::|:::::::l＼::::
:::::::::::::／.::::::／.::::::::::::::::::::::.｀'ｰ--‐''"´ヽ　／.:::::::::／.:::::／::::|:::::::|　 ＼

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-27 0:16

>>65
What kind of barbarian combines butter and cheese?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-27 0:45

>>69
I do.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-27 2:35

>>70
You must be American.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-27 3:06

>>71
Would you look at that. I'm not.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-27 3:07

Wow /prog/ is terrible at ASCII art.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-27 3:21

>>73
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Name: Anonymous 2010-07-27 7:32

>>73
It's funny because it's not ASCII.

Name: Anonymous 2010-08-20 16:01

[i][b]WHAT DID GOD SAY TO SATAN AFTER THE LATTER TOLD HIM TO ENJOY THE VICTORY IN THE BET
[u]?[/u]
I will, along with my Job.[/b][/i]

Name: Anonymous 2010-08-20 17:31

What did RMS say to all the hoarders´?

Join us now and share the software
You'll be free hackers
You'll be freeeeeee-eeee
...


Holy moses

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-10 23:26

Q: what do you call an advanced degree in computer science?
A:           a PhP         

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-10 23:47

Q: how do you call the Sun Microsystems Oracle counterpart of Microsoft Exceltm?
A: OpenOrifice Spreadshit

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-10 23:57

>>78
If PHP were actually supported by people with advanced degrees, I'd have to say: PHP is like retard's version of academic computer science: it's the language that was designed and maintained and supported and promoted by the people with PhD degrees that were awarded not because of the quality of the PhD candidates'' theses, nor the intelligence of the PhD candidates, nor their positive impact on the computer science community ; but on the impact of the candidates' on gender, racial, religious, or socioeconomic makeup of the group who hold advanced degrees in computer science.

I recognize this is a instance of well-known logical fallacy, but no true computer scientist would support or agree with the use of PHP.  the basic design principles of PHP are rooted in God-knows-what... fuck, there's clearly no design in PHP; I can't even make a bad analogy about it..  it's just a language where people did things in the first way they could think of, and in which they kept on doing things in the same old broken ways, even well after the brokenness was pointed out to them.and even afetr they understood why those ways were broken.

but! I know CS PhD who agree with or even know (or even in one extreme perverted case LIKE) PHP!!!

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-11 5:04

>>80
Dude, any language that has built-in explode and implode functions is automatically top-tier.

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-11 17:33

>>81
Don't know if you're being sarcastic, but I agree with explode bro.

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-11 18:11

Some people when confronted with /jp/ think "I'll have a civil discussion about Touhou", now they have autism.

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-12 1:09

>>83
10/10 A+++++ DEF WOULD BUY AGAIN

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-12 6:16


                                        (3 4)
                                          │
                                          │
                                          ▼
((1 2) 3 4)┏━━━┳━━━┓                  ┏━━━┳━━━┓    ┏━━━┳━━━┓
      ────►┃ ● ┃ ●─╂─────────────────►┃ ● ┃ ●─╂───►┃ ● ┃ ╱ ┃
           ┗━┿━┻━━━┛                  ┗━┿━┻━━━┛    ┗━┿━┻━━━┛
             │                          │            │
             ▼                          ▼            ▼
   (1 2)   ┏━━━┳━━━┓    ┏━━━┳━━━┓     ┏━━━┓        ┏━━━┓
      ────►┃ ● ┃ ●─╂───►┃ ● ┃ ╱ ┃     ┃ 3 ┃        ┃ 4 ┃
           ┗━┿━┻━━━┛    ┗━┿━┻━━━┛     ┗━━━┛        ┗━━━┛
             │            │
             ▼            ▼
           ┏━━━┓        ┏━━━┓ 
           ┃ 1 ┃        ┃ 2 ┃
           ┗━━━┛        ┗━━━┛

     Figure 2.5:  Structure formed by (cons (list 1 2) (list 3 4)).

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-12 13:10

>>82
Of course I was being sarcastic. I bet whoever though that idea up has written a script that randomly opens and closes their disk drawer, because they're so crazy and hilarious like that.

Name: Anonymous 2010-11-28 10:25

Name: Anonymous 2013-03-07 1:19

Two telecommunications engineers got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!

Name: Anonymous 2013-03-07 1:50

Some people, when confronted with 99 problems, though a bitch not being one of them, think
``>tfw no gf I know, I'll get a qtπ gf''. Now they have 100 problems.

Name: Anonymous 2013-03-07 1:53

>>14
Guy wants to learn a programming language, he picks up Java. Now he has a public static class ProblemFactory.

Name: Anonymous 2013-03-07 3:41

>>22
fuck off alice

Name: Anonymous 2013-03-07 3:44

>>85
POST MORE
POST MORE
POST MORE

Name: Anonymous 2013-03-07 19:35

>>89

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 5:18

What do you call a mildly autistic ghost?
Casperger

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 6:14

>>95
Casper/Kasper/Kaspersky/Kasparov is a kike name:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casper_%28name%29
The word "Gizbar" appears in the Hebrew version of the Old Testament Book of Ezra (1:8). In fact, the modern Hebrew word for "Treasurer" is still "Gizbar".
I.e. a banker.

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 6:15

>>96
So, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaspersky isn't Russian, but Jewish

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 6:29

>>96,97
How does it feel to be so autistic?

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 6:31

>>98
How does it feel to be so circumcised?

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 7:06

>>99
touche goyim, but you're still poorer than me hehehe

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 9:41

>>99,100
Nice twos

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 10:39

I thought of a good /g/ catchprase today.
mv yourself /dev/null

it implies that the person replied to should disappear
that in turn implies they should kill themselves
The best thing it's the kind of thing that a rude and brutish /g/roski would say, don't you think?

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 10:45

>>102
Egin, baby.

Name: xXxLiNkInPaRkFan69xXx !Qb183r1z9U 2013-04-06 11:49

this whole web site is a joke

Name: Anonymous 2013-04-06 11:51

Truly e/g/in thread.
Don't change these.
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