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Programming Jokes

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 6:41 ID:nmbUVY+e

Post some of your good programming jokes here!
A good one I know is:
"My other car is a cdr" as in car and cdr from LISP

Also,
Why do programmers always confuse christmas and halloween?
Because oct[31] = dec[25]

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 8:23 ID:7h0v+VpD

$ touch nipples
$ cd /pub; more beer
$ man touch


Because oct[31] = dec[25]
lol that was a good one

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 8:38 ID:Heaven

mv '>>1' /dev/null

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 9:03 ID:OFLlRbUO

as in car and cdr from LISP
Explaining jokes makes them funnier.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 9:18 ID:nmbUVY+e

>>3
That's not very funny :(
There are only 10 types of people in this world. Those you understand the binary numbering system, and those who do not.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 9:34 ID:r8CHMTeT

Some quote from bash.org went like this:

Guy 1> In binary, 0 was considered to be false and 1 true, right?
Guy 2> 1

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 9:41 ID:yPuz0zVT

>>5
That's only 2 types of people, kow.
STUPID

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 9:54 ID:9C4GCRrh

>>3
lulz, funny for some reason/

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 11:00 ID:Heaven

THIS IS WHY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LINK 4CHAN ON REDDIT YOU FAGS

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 11:27 ID:Heaven

>>9
SECONDING THIS

STOP LINKING 4CHAN ON REDDIT YOU WORTHLESS SHITS

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 11:29 ID:xsvfnfNC

bash.org is a good source on this stuff.

DeusXMac: sex?
themole: unzip;strip;touch;grep;grep;finger;mount;fsck;more;yes;fsck;fsck;fsck;umount;sleep (Core dumped) general protection fault... core dumped.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 11:57 ID:Oy/IxR8p

nobody in this thread is ever getting laid, including me

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 11:59 ID:4ZwKIxk9

2b |! 2b = 1

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 12:29 ID:r8CHMTeT

>>9
Lol, I was thinking exactly the same. >>1 is clearly not one of us world4channers, too nice a person and lacks wit.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 12:55 ID:tyfBpoS6

>>1


#include <assert.h>

class BaseConverter {
  int m_base;

public:
  BaseConverter(const int base) : m_base(base) { return; }

  unsigned int operator[](int n) const {
    unsigned int val = 0;
    unsigned int s = 1;

    while(n) {
      val += s*(n%10);
      s *= m_base;
      n /= 10;
    }

    return val;
  }
};

int main(int, char**) {
  BaseConverter dec(10);
  BaseConverter oct(8);

  assert(oct[31] == dec[25]);

  return 0;
}

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 13:03 ID:nSOwR0Bs

>>14
>>1 has clearly trolled you all!

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 13:06 ID:bHDnmqt/

>>15
Not enterprise enough. Base conversion is clearly a job for multi threading.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 13:13 ID:Heaven

There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, those who don't and those who confuse binary with trinary.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 13:51 ID:tyfBpoS6

>>15

Replace everything from main on down with:


namespace Converters {

  template <int base>
  class SingletonConverter : public BaseConverter {
  private:
    SingletonConverter<base>* m_i = 0;
    SingletonConverter() : BaseConverter(base) { return; }
  public:
    const SingletonConverter<base>& instance() const {
      if(!m_i)
        m_i = new SingletonConverter<base>();
      return *m_i;
    }
  };

  typedef SingletonConverter<10> dec;
  typedef SingletonConverter<8> oct;
};

int main(int, char**) {
  const BaseConverter& dec = Converters::dec::instance();
  const BaseConverter& oct = Converters::oct::instance();

  assert(oct[31] == dec[25]);

  return 0;
}

  class dec;
  class oct;

  class dec : public BaseConverter {
  private:
    static dec* m_i = 0;
    dec() : BaseConverter(10) { return; }
  public:
    dec* instance() {
      if(!m_i)
        m_i = new dec();

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 13:53 ID:tyfBpoS6

>>19

Feel free to add the static keyword and remove the gunk I left at the bottom, too.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 20:51 ID:OTV6eA89

>>19
This is a scalable solution

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 21:20 ID:Heaven

EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 21:21 ID:Heaven

EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-07 21:21 ID:Heaven

EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``GTFO''

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-08 11:23 ID:n7b0PNGU

Why did the crazy programmer have to be institutionalized?
xor sanity, sanity

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-08 11:48 ID:mCYrDrTa

>>24

EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''
EXPERT PROGRAMMER SAYS ``Disregard, I suck cocks.''

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-08 19:53 ID:59k/N5qW

Scheme took all defun out of Lisp.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-08 19:54 ID:Ei5lyJcs

expert programmer detected

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-08 20:02 ID:OgpvKNcs

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-08 21:02 ID:4NtUrr+Y

I like this joke:

A constant and e^x are walking down the street when they
see a differential operator approaching. 

The constant panics and runs away, naturally, but e^x says
"Ha, watch this, coward, I'll go shake hands with him."

When e^x introduces himself, the differential operator says
"Hi, I'm d/dy."

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-08 21:24 ID:XEiIHI5p

>>26
Expert TeXnician says ``I quote shit like this.''

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 1:45 ID:/wxU+x3G

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are watching a building.

At 1:00, two people enter the building.
At 1:30, two people leave the building.
At 2:00, another person leaves the building.

They gather to discuss this.

The physicist says: "Clearly, we must have made an error in our observations."
The biologist says: "Well, according to the laws of nature, they must have reproduced."
The mathematician says: "Now, if one more person enters the building, it will be empty again."

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 5:30 ID:E7ivPmlX

>>30
ex and a constant are walking down the street. They turn into a dark alley, and a derivative operator jumps out of the shadows and blocks their path.

"Oh no," says the constant, "He's going to turn me into nothing!"

"It's okay," says ex, "I'm ex and I'm not afraid of derivative operators. They can't harm me."

So, ex walks down the alley and greets the derivative operator, "Hi, I'm ex."

And the derivative operator replies, "Hi, I'm d/dy."

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 5:40 ID:DCLgHwNx

USING: kernel math sequences-internals ;
: sort ( seq quot -- result )
over length 1 <=
[ drop ] [ over >r >r divide r> conquer r> like ] if ;
inline

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 10:38 ID:DsKkr+XW

>>29
Ahahaha oh wow...I thought usenet was populated by at least non-dumb people. It's the c++ newsgroup and they don't even know base conversion and calculus. el-oh-el.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 14:51 ID:gFg6ivy5

>>34
what the fuck is that? joy?

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 15:31 ID:Vblqpd4C

>>36
factor

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 17:48 ID:CeRdVThf

microsoft

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 21:12 ID:XSVs/bOg

>>36

Looks like Forth with a few extensions to me.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-09 22:50 ID:Vblqpd4C

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-10 4:45 ID:ka/cz9v8

>>36
That's RATFOR.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-10 5:06 ID:/oyQn7cs

IF U WERE DROPPED TO /opt TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR DELETION CUZ ID B N UPSTREAM BUGZILLA FLAMIN DA CUNT THAT MADE UR EBUILD!
     __   
   .'  `. 
   |a_a  |
   \<_)__/
   /(   )\
  |\`> < /\
  \_|=='|_/

    WE TRUE NERDS
    WE OPTIMIZE OUR CFLAGS TOGETHER
    WE TALKIN ON IRC WITH www.opera.com TOGETHER
    send this PENGUIN to every thread you care about including this one if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 256 your A TRUE NERD

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-11 0:51 ID:8hMTShjh

This is a math joke, but math and programming are similar.

At the end of the year, all of the math functions decided to get together and have a little celebration.  Everyone was there:  sine, cosine, x squared, e to the x, all of the Taylor expansions...everyone.  They were all having a good time, except for e to the x.  X squared looked over to the corner and saw little e to the x just sulking with its head in its hands.  Deciding that this was unacceptable, x squared walks over to e to the x and says:  "Come on, e to the x, why not integrate?".  To which e to the x replied "Why bother, it won't make a difference."

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-11 7:36 ID:hByeC1uX

>>43
lol good one

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-11 7:56 ID:pVzlyKKl

What's the integral of 1/cabin dcabin?
log cabin!

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-11 8:46 ID:rvWxcZeA

>>45
?

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-11 8:51 ID:Heaven

>>45
THIS IS WHY WE DONT SUBMIT /PROG/ TO REDDIT

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-11 11:07 ID:Pxcr9rwO

>>43

Haha nice

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-11 11:32 ID:bOcJDu9d

hi I am an Hermitian operator lets shake our hands and do sume marijuana

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-11 23:30 ID:6yeTCgyI

>>7
lol i hope that guy is trolling or hes an idiot

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-12 0:11 ID:tWfk+yiT

All programming languages are tools, but in the case of VB, so is the programmer.

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-12 3:49 ID:KysK9sB7

There are only 2 types of people in the world:
1. Those who count from 1
1. Those who count from 0

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-12 4:01 ID:cGn7539K

>>52
OPTION BASE 0
am i doing it rite?

Name: Anonymous 2007-06-12 9:12 ID:8/UdO0C7

>>52
That's 3?

Name: Anonymous 2008-02-22 10:39

What do programmers eat?

Curried A++ with syntactic sugar

OLOLOLOLROFLXD

Name: Anonymous 2008-02-22 11:10

Once upon a time, (1/T) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling through a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements. Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor.  Quite suddenly, 3 branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point, she tripped over a square root protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more, she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space. She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once. Hearing a vulgar fraction behind her, Polly turned around and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by his degenerate conic and his dissipated terms, that he was up to no good.

"Eureka," she gasped.

"Ho, ho," he said. "What a symmetric little polynomial you are. I can see you are bubbling over with secs."

"Oh, sir," she protested. "Keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on."

"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator. "Your fears are purely imaginary."

"I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's homogeneous then."

"What order are you?" the brute demanded.

"Seventeen," replied Polly.

Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on yet?" he asked.

"Of course not!" Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent."

"Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take you to the limit."

"Never," gasped Polly.

"Exchlf," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.

His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever. There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavy-side operator. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a counter integration. What an indignity to be multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he was absolutely and completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that night, her mother became frightened and stated "You're traveling in a forward direction to your auntie + uncle unit in the graph of Bel Air." I whistled for a cab and when it approached, the license plane said "New" and there were dotted cubes in the reflector, if anything I could state that this cab had a lesser chance than the rest but I thought disregard that fact, if you could operator, follow the lines that lead to Bel Air! I approached the compilation of three dimensional objects about 7/12 or 2/3 and I yelled to the operator attention, smell you some other time on this planar area! Looked at my Math house, My graph had finally reached a closed point, to finalize on my algorithmically correct point as the prince of the graph known as Bel Air.

Name: Anonymous 2008-02-22 17:20

I have one,

Read SICP.

Name: Anonymous 2008-02-22 18:09

256

Name: Anonymous 2008-02-22 18:13

Holy shit, I remember making this thread. This thread marked the gestation of the other car meme, which I invented.

Name: Anonymous 2008-02-22 18:14

>>59
Which I invented.

Name: Anonymous 2008-02-22 18:34

>>59,60
You are both wrong, I did.

Name: Anonymous 2008-02-22 20:09

>>18
You mean Gray code right?

Name: Anonymous 2010-09-20 17:32

bump

Name: Anonymous 2010-12-09 20:30

Name: Anonymous 2010-12-23 5:01

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 7:10

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 7:53

ffuuu

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 7:53

fffuuuu

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 7:53

fffuuuu

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 7:53

fffuuju

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 7:54

fffuuuu

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 10:26

>>70-74
I don't get it.

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 14:22

How do you tell how long someone's been working for Oracle?

Cut open their turban and count the rings.

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 20:07

How do you tell how long someone's been posting on /prog/?

Cut open their thread and check 'em dubs

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 20:17

Stop reviving old retarded threads you stupid fa/g/gots

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 21:48

How do you tell how long someone's been working for Intel?

Count the number of small explosion craters in their backyard from Palestinian rocket attacks.

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-19 22:21

How do you tell how long someone's been working for Intel?

Count the number of gigantic explosion craters in their backyard from Israeli rocket attacks on Palestinians.

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-20 6:08

>>78
Do not fight against the river.
For its source is eternal.
One must become the water to influence it.

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-23 20:48

There's only one kind of people in the world: non-jews
Kikes are inhuman parasites

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-23 20:57

>>81
But that water is polluted.

Name: L. A. Calculus !!wKyoNUUHDOmjW7I 2013-05-23 21:19

HOW DO U DECLARE AN ARRAY OF LOVE?
WITH LESS THAN 3 ELEMENTS U FUKIN RETOID.

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-23 21:24

>>83
So become the water to influence it.

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-23 21:26

>>84
aah fuckhh faggottt you made me lauggh

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-23 21:45

>>83
With shit. Shit from muslims and kikes. Death to sandniggers and hymies.

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-23 22:06

Hi, seat to sand diggers and hymens!

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-23 22:09

I have a friend which would like to be a seat for some hymens. ;__;

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-24 2:51

I have a friend which would like to be a seat for some hyphens. ;--;

Name: Anonymous 2013-05-25 20:09

>>5,18 et.al
Erm, the 10 types are: those that understand binary, those that don't, and those that understand Gray code.

>>75
I think he's referring to bumping of old threads.

Don't change these.
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