We should tell some really bad science and math jokes:
I'll start with one I heard today:
Why can't you grow Wheat in the integers modulo 6?
Because it is not a field!!
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Anonymous2008-11-14 23:19
What do you call the function f(a,a) -> R?
A union of homos!
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Anonymous2008-11-15 2:26
How many particles are in a guaca-mole? Avocado's number.
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Anonymous2008-11-15 4:33
Where do baby fermions get their milk from? Mommy's bosons.
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Anonymous2008-11-15 12:24
d/dy(e^x)
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Anonymous2008-11-16 11:47
How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
I have a wonderful answer to this, but this board is too narrow to contain it.
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Anonymous2008-11-16 18:04
You are walking down the street and you see a man standing on top of a 100 story building. He's in mass depression and is threatening to kill himself by jumping off the building. How do you stop him from jumping?
Well let's see, it seems like the angle from the top of that building to the floor looks like 45 degrees. So if we we took tan(45) equals- Oh. Damn. He just jumped. Yeah... he's dead. Maybe I should have called the police or persuaded him not to jump...
A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are walking down the street together, when they hear the cries of a man about to jump from the top of a tall building. After thinking about how to rescue him, the physicist says, "If it gets any windier, the frictional drag of the air pressure will retard his fall.", the engineer says, "It's the fault of whoever made this building that suicide nets weren't implemented." The mathematician, having been deep in thought, finally lifts his head and goes, "A-ha! If we integrate his position from the top of the building to the street, he will ride smoothly over the area of the curve!"
An atom walks into a bar and starts drinking. After a night of drinking, he begins to ready himself to leave. He says to the bartender, "Excuse me, but I believe I've lost an electron." The bartend responds, "Are you sure". The atom says "I'm positive".
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Anonymous2008-11-19 0:05
Here is a pickup line I've used (with varying degrees of success):
I'm sine squared of theta, you're cosine squared of theta: together, we're one.
>>18
More like in the (-273.15 °C, -272.15 °C] range.
So as you see, I have had a degree of success.
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Anonymous2008-11-19 13:11
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
Like a manifold in E-3, that's Euclidean three-space
My hard-on rages faster, it extends from the base
My metric tensor grows intenser
Stress-energy measures even denser
And if Schwarzchild were here, he'd say,
"It's off the charts I admit, sir!"
There is a phrase for this phenomenon, sit down I'll tell it son
'Spooky action at a distance' and if I skip a beat then give me one
The two events that affect each other with no seeming physical relation
Are the sight of your curvaceous ass and my libido's excitation.