Hello /prog/, I am looking for volunteers to help me pioneer the revolutionary new field of medicine. I shall detail my progress below[1].
I have created the world’s first cyborg chicken. It is common knowledge that a chicken can live without its head. I bought a flock of one hundred chickens from the local farmer’s market and raised them to maturity. By the time they were fully grown, eight six of them were still alive. I then decapitated each chicken within the span of a few hours using different techniques that I had researched on how to preserve their life through the process. After three days there were only twelve chickens left alive, and the required nearly constant care, so I restrained their bodies and provided them a constant drip of water and food into the holes in their necks. I then waited a week for their condition to stabilize, during which I prepared to move on to Phase II of the operation.
Phase II consisted of surgically attaching an ASIC device (which was produced at enormous expense, I might add) to interface with the spinal cord of the chicken. There is also a SoC[2] to control the chicken in a high level way for WAN communications to facilitate manual control of the chicken and remote reprogramming. There were three fatalities during surgery and one in the post-operation stage. A week after Phase II was completed there were eight chickens still alive.
Phase III consisted of programming the chickens. I had previously prepared OpenWatcom C compiler to cross compile for the chickens and found the language quite satisfactory to program them. After much experimentation, I found the appropriate signals to control different functions and implemented each signal as an interrupt. White meat muscles are controlled by int 32, while dark meat muscles are controlled by int 33, etc). The contents of ah indicate which specific muscle to control, and al determining the intensity of the signal[3]. After a only three weeks I had gotten the chickens to walk around in pre-programmed paths and defecate on cue.
Now it is time for Phase IV of this project; which is where your help comes in. Phase IV involves human trials. I am looking for volunteers who wish to become cyborgs and are willing to relocate to a small African country with no functioning government. I can assure you that the process will not be painful in the slightest and that you will be well compensated for your time and trouble. Travel expenses will be paid for. Only a select, honored few will be able to assist in such groundbreaking research, so I must insist on a physical examination before we start. If you are interested, please post here with your details, a small paragraph describing why you would like to participate in this study, and (most importantly) your contact information.
I look forward to working on you!
Joshua Rothberg, PhD, MD, JD, CCNA
jrothberg@who.un.gov ______________________________________ [1]Details may be found in the prestigious journal Nature. [2]The SoC runs MS-DOS 5.0 on i286 to ensure that there are no spontaneous deaths. [3]Nerves are discrete, but due to the imprecise nature of the neural interface, a higher intensity allows for more nerves to be triggered at once.
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Anonymous2013-03-17 17:23
No citation? No go.
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Anonymous2013-03-17 17:34
I volunteer Nikita to have his head cut off.
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Anonymous2013-03-17 18:04
>>3
Only if you can keep it alive and use electric signals to simulate excruciating pain constantly.
>>6
Ethics. Ethics approval. No research institution would ever authorize funding for a project like this.
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Anonymous2013-03-17 18:35
>>7
Technically it's not unethical since the brain of the chicken dies shortly after the head is cut off. Unless of course you mean to say that the usual farming process for chicken that are meant to become meat is unethical, in which case fuck off you vegan faggot displeasurable individual.
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Anonymous2013-03-17 18:37
>>7
Perhaps no mainstream research institution would be so bold, but what about the International Consortium of Mind Control Fetishists, Kim Jong Un, and the CIA?
>>8
It's a lot of chickens being killed for such a stupid experiment, and the chickens were not purchased through proper channels. It has nothing to do with farming.
>>8
You're conflating hipster/veganism with animal compassion, faggot.
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Anonymous2013-03-17 19:57
>>15-16 Oh fucking shit, I was referring to the way they are killed (e.g. beheading), not the entire farming process. Indeed I don't approve of the way they are ``farmed''; they are raised at a very high density (i.e. chicken per unit of area), they walk all over each other, they are fed growth hormones which make various parts of their body grow unequally which results in partial disability (they can't even stand up for too long), they are fed crap, and they are injected and fed with antibiotics so they kind of barely survive the overall disgusting conditions.
>>21
i wouldn't say that's how the economics of meat works
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Anonymous2013-03-17 20:30
>>19
what the fuck, I'm about 300g of meat and 400g of dairy per day away from being vegan
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Anonymous2013-03-17 20:39
We should all be vegan...
But It would never happen in Ameirca where there is no moral or ethical code and people are out for themselves with no relation to any higher intelligence, they are stuck on a very backward basic level
"I can so I dam well will".
IT's not a moral or ethical place and the people in America really don't care about being harmonious or conscientious.
Yes it would be great, but you can't force it- if everyone came to the knowledge together- that it shows the higher level of intelligence to NOT support killing maiming and torturing animals just for fun or greed "Because they can".
Imagine the benefits= an example is look at a very buddhist country where they don't h arm or eat meat for health, ehthicla reasons.
No violence, a harmony toward the collective good- Burma, Bhutan, Thailand. People are generally healthier, nicer, calmer and in harmony wth each other.
>>24
Veganism is an unnecessary length.
In sane countries, cows and chickens are treated well (but let's not get into the methane produced). Milk and eggs are an easy way of getting whatever nutrients it is humans require.
>>33
It's healthy, cheaper (in most of the world), and animal harm isn't directly and unavoidably interlinked with your sustenance, harm which is wholy unnecessary by as evidenced by the viability of such a diet.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 0:40
>>36 healthy
I'm pretty sure 100-150g of chicken or fish per day won't damage my health.
cheaper
Actually, replacing chicken with other stuff like you mentioned would incur an extra preparation time cost. And time is money.
animal harm isn't directly and unavoidably interlinked with your sustenance
I'm an omnivore, and by my nature I am allowed to eat animals for my sustenance. As long as no unnecessary suffering is inflicted on said animals (which unfortunately isn't true in my case since I really don't have enough money to buy non-shitty meat), I don't see what's wrong about that.
Also, like I've said numerous times before, if someone comes up with a meat replacement that tastes sufficiently similar to the real thing, costs no more than 20% more, and is not much more difficult to prepare, then I will gladly make the switch.
>>37
Meh, put your beans in water the night before and cook them for 15 minutes in a pressure cooker. Wait till the pressure lowers and cook them some 15-20 minutes with the vegetables and seasonings and there you go. Really, that's some 45 minutes from wet beans to a couple of meals worth of stew, or more if you feel like making more and storing it. Drain the beans before pressure-cooking, and maybe even after cooking, to have better control over taste or moistness. That's good advice even for an omnivore; legumes have lots of charms, among them being that they are cheap as fuck.
And you are ``allowed'' many things. The fact that everyone neglects the ethical considerations of killing or causing the suffering of animals compounds this, but it doesn't mean that it isn't self-serving and shitty.
But yeah, lab meat would be great. Not sure if I'd eat it personally, out of custom mostly, but it's great in theory.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 1:08
>>38
At least Intel publishes specifications. Good luck writing code for a microchip32 without having to install closed-source software (such as the compiler) that allows DA JEWS to fuck you in the ass remotely.
>>39
Beans make me fart like fucking hell (which wouldn't be that bad if it weren't for the pain as they bubble through the intestines). Drinking vegetable (mostly tomato) jews juice with coriander seems to help, but does not eliminate it entirely.
And you are ``allowed'' many things. The fact that everyone neglects the ethical considerations of killing or causing the suffering of animals compounds this, but it doesn't mean that it isn't self-serving and shitty.
What exactly are the ethical considerations of killing a chicken or a fish for the purpose of eating it, oh wise one?
But yeah, lab meat would be great.
I doubt we'll be seeing that any time soon, at least not for a reasonable price. I was thinking more along the lines of some sort of soy + spices + somewhat questionable chemicals. I remember having something like that a long long time ago, but I moved to another country and they are no longer available.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 1:23
>>40
Ask Intel how SMM works and all of that other shit you have to sign an NDA to know about.
>>40
The farting can be minimized with thorough cooking and soaking, which is why I cook them twice and rinse them, as I described. Besides, I hate the taste, texture, and everything else related to crunchy beans.
What exactly are the ethical considerations of killing a chicken or a fish for the purpose of eating it, oh wise one?
Those stupid critters still feel, you know? And they would lead their little, dumb lives quite contentedly, maybe ending in the jaws of some other animal which doesn't have much of a capacity for moral judgment, or less than ours, or the capacity to feed in any other manner, rather than just dying needlessly on our whim and for our pleasure.
So it boils down to causing harm, suffering, and otherwise ending the life of another sentient being without need.
If you, for some odd circumstance, must eat meat, it's fine on my book, of course. A dear old lady I know suffers from a disease which makes her digestive vulnerable to all sorts of complications. After falling gravely ill a while back and slowly recovering, I wouldn't think of telling her to live off beans!
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Anonymous2013-03-18 2:09
>>42
Natural wild predators hunt on the edge of starvation. (Most) (first world) humans don't (and are fat).
>>1 a small African country with no functioning government.
You can purchase there a nigger slave for a price of a chicken. Although you will need some way to securely handle your slave.
>>42
The issue is that I have a large bag of black beans, and they seem to cook very quickly (less than an hour), not allowing for your cook-rinse-cook shenanigans. I suppose I could try it with my other bag of beans (brown I think) which take four motherfucking hours to cook.
Those stupid critters still feel, you know?
Yes, which is why they shouldn't be treated like shit before their untimely and soon delicious demise.
And they would lead their little, dumb lives quite contentedly, maybe ending in the jaws of some other animal which doesn't have much of a capacity for moral judgment, or less than ours, or the capacity to feed in any other manner, rather than just dying needlessly on our whim and for our pleasure.
If they don't have the capacity for moral judgment (and never will) then why should they experience the benefits of the moral judgment of others? Also this implies that there are animals which are good or bad by nature, which really rubs me the wrong way. If a species demonstrates sentience and intelligence, sufficiently so to understand morality, then they should be considered as equals (with all the protections and rights that only humans currently have). Otherwise, they're still bound by natural anarchy and, well, if we treat them no shittier than nature would, then I'm pretty sure it's okay to raise them in good conditions, kill them, and eat them.
>>46,47 The children are kidnapped or purchased for $20 – $70 each by slavers in poorer states, such as Benin and Togo, and sold into slavery in sex dens or as unpaid domestic servants for $350.00 each in wealthier oil-rich states, such as Nigeria and Gabon.
God damn. I spend more than that on weed and beer every week. Valuing human life that little is terrible. Africa is disgusting.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 12:17
>>49 Everybody knows that
I'll stop you right there and send you to fuck off.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 12:27
>>39
I always cook my beans in a pressure cooker while I fry some steak. Am I doing something wrong? Because meat and legumes are not mutually exclusive as far as I know.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 12:35
>>52
just don't eat steak too often or it'll clog yer arteries
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Anonymous2013-03-18 12:40
>>53
Good. I want to die a slow, miserable death while at the same time dieing suddenly. It will be beautiful when I keel over and die in the middle of work.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 12:45
>>50
Believe me, these kids are far better in slavery than in household which agrees to sell them for $20
Poor Africans also practice cannibalism, so slave traders may have saved these children lives.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 12:52
Phase IV involves human trials.
Some kike wants to plant a poorly designed Jew chip in your dome.
>>48
Black beans give you trouble? My superior vegetarian digestive tract can handle them just fine.
I was talking about those white and brown beans, actually. The method I described was to get them soft. The soaking and pressure cooking are crucial, otherwise they'll take four motherfucking hours to cook, indeed. It's important that they be left in the pressure cooker until the pressure releases by itself; you'll save some energy by letting them cook in their own heat for some 10 minutes rather than on the stove.
I just arrived to that method so that they'd be soft for my traditional beaner dish of beans, noodles and squash, but from what I've read now, it also helps to get rid of the particular type of carbohydrates that you can't digest, and are left up to the bacteria in your intestines, thus making you fart.
If they don't have the capacity for moral judgment (and never will) then why should they experience the benefits of the moral judgment of others? Also this implies that there are animals which are good or bad by nature, which really rubs me the wrong way. If a species demonstrates sentience and intelligence, sufficiently so to understand morality, then they should be considered as equals (with all the protections and rights that only humans currently have). Otherwise, they're still bound by natural anarchy and, well, if we treat them no shittier than nature would, then I'm pretty sure it's okay to raise them in good conditions, kill them, and eat them.
Hmmmm... yes, that's an interesting side question, not that it addresses my arguments. But I'd that it's for the same reason you wouldn't harm little children and sociopaths just because they are amoral. Also, good and bad are very relative terms, especially when talking of non-human uhhh... ethics. You can't hold a cat accountable because he killed a bird, it's in his nature and he doesn't, and can't, know better. The cat would also torture its prey for amusement, you wouldn't feel free to torture the cat just because of that.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 13:29
>>58
I don't have a pressure cooker and I'm too cheap/lazy to buy one.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 13:33
>>56
S-shut up no it's not! It's not for anything like that at all. This is for the good of all mankind. You are seriously god damn stupid... perhaps as stupid as Nikita.
>>52
Yeah, legumes are good for you either way. It depends on what you're cooking. Other than black beans, lentils and split peas (I think? Haven't made those in forever), legumes tend to take longer than that to cook. I personally tend to cook my beans more because of the taste, but that's also because I grew weary of the half-cooked taste and the slime that came with cooked beans in tetra pak. Ugh.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 13:38
>>58 little children and sociopaths
Both have (or can end up having) the capacity for understanding morality, which is clearly and specifically addressed in my argument.
You can't hold a cat accountable because he killed a bird, it's in his nature and he doesn't, and can't, know better.
Then you can't hold me, an omnivore, accountable for indirectly killing and consuming a chicken since it's in my nature.
not that it addresses my arguments.
Yes it does. We don't have to treat animals incapable of understanding morality as equals, and we are free to raise, kill and eat them if we want to.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 13:42
A cow can be freely slaughter and eaten (with or without torture) because they are not animals. Cows are machines, designed by humans over the span of ten thousand years. Machines that turn grass, corn, or perhaps an unspecifiable grain derivate, into beef. This is the same with chickens and lambs because, face it, those stupid little shits wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in the wild without us. But this is not so with the pig. The pig is a very unclean animal. They are just as savage as the beast they came from. Pigs should not be eaten.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 13:44
>>64
Why would anyone want to eat a police officer?
>>63 Both have (or can end up having) the capacity for understanding morality, which is clearly and specifically addressed in my argument.
Because behaving in a moral manner is not a privilege you extend to others, but rather a duty you hold to yourself?
Then you can't hold me, an omnivore, accountable for indirectly killing and consuming a chicken since it's in my nature.
Yes it does. We don't have to treat animals incapable of understanding morality as equals, and we are free to raise, kill and eat them if we want to.
I'm not really arguing for equality. We all know that wombats aren't our equals, at least not in that sense. They couldn't possibly participate in our society. What I do mean is that just because they aren't, it doesn't mean that their lives don't warrant respect.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 14:08
>>65
American police are plotting to eat citizens[1]. It's only fair that we get to eat them back.
I'm glad there's another vegetarian here, to join the legions of intelligent people who know eating animals is totally unnecessary and selfishly indulgent.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 15:52
>>74
fuck you dipshit I won't do what you tell me.
Just to spite you I'm going to buy a 2kg pack of meat on my way home. suck my dick
>>81
It's not about “us vs them” or sullying an image. “Oh god, I don't want to stop eating meat, I might become like >>70- on /prog/!” is something you will never hear anyone say.
Anyway, most flesh-eaters are ridiculously stubborn beacuse, well, who doesn't believe that something they think is OK is a reasonable thing to do? You can't change a person like that with reasoned arguments. You have to plant the seed and let them think they came upon the conclusion themselves.
>>87
Teenage rebellion is so cool. You are so cool! >>88
Not illogical. Well, maybe. Mostly compassion-less and unpragmatic. am i rite
Oh, I suppose IHBT? Good one!
>>91 Not illogical. Well, maybe. Mostly compassion-less and unpragmatic.
People often disregard how cheap it is to live off legumes, grains, some produce and 50 cent spices.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 17:14
>>90-91
fuck you and die in a fire, i fucking hate you
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Anonymous2013-03-18 17:16
>>92
because 100g of meat at 2.5€/kg is so fucking expensive
>>94,96
Energy gained from eating animal = energy gained by animal from eating whatever it is it eats - (energy used by animal in living + energy expended by farmer maintaining animal + need I go on?)
>>103
Did you read what I said? Did you understand it?
It's mathematically and intuitively more efficient to bypass the animal entirely.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 17:25
>>101 FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU. I DESPISE YOU. I FUCKING LOATHE YOU WITH THE POWER OF A BILLION BILLION SUNS. I WISH YOU WERE IMMORTAL SO I COULD MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR AN ETERNITY. FUCK YOU AND DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT
>>102
Fine, I'll start digging into my sack of beans despite the intestinal pain it will undoubtedly. I'll still eat about 300g of chicken and fish per week so I don't turn into a tree-hugging faggot human annoyance.
>>107 FUCK YOU AND DIE IN A FIRE YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I FUCKING HATE YOU. DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE. ASDFKSA JGKFDSF JDSF G UFCK YOUF UFCK YOU FUCK YOU UFCK DIE IN A FIRE.
>>108
It wasn't an argument, it was merely some (well-justified) apprehensiveness at the idea of eating beans since the last twenty times I did so I ended up with somewhat intense intestinal pain. Having a diet of pure $x results in bad nutrition, bad health and an untimely demise, regardless of what $x is.
>>110
Well, as I said repeatedly, the trick is beans and grains, for their proteins are complementary in their aminoacid composition. Though if you eat bread or bran or breakfast cereals during the day it balances out.
>>118
I'm browsing /----/ from a free shell, so I can't watch your video.
I've been squatting for years, in case that's what the video is about. Loose shits are still annoying and I don't understand why anyone would want to make their shits loose.
>>119
You're emphasizing the wrong point. The point is keeping the digestive system clean. The effect of having lots of fiber could lead to soft stools. If you're eating bran as a source of fiber, it's simple enough to consume less bran, you don't need a lot of it to benefit.
>>136
killing your own food is unneccesary dumbass
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Anonymous2013-03-19 11:50
>>136
Mass producing chickens is cheaper. Factory chicken costs orders of magnitude less and than a household one. Factory is like a high-level language, while tinkering chickens at home is like doing hand assembly.
>>138
yep, we can just let them die.. like not feeding chickens (i hope vegans don't think we are obliged to feed any animal we meet), they will starve to death
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Anonymous2013-03-19 13:03
>>136
I'm not a tree humper. I've even killed chickens to cook them later (breaking their necks). Killing your own food is not animal abuse.
Besides, 'organic' meat taste much better.
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Anonymous2013-03-19 15:18
>>140
Of course we are, our intelligence also comes with responsibilities!