Hello /prog/, I am looking for volunteers to help me pioneer the revolutionary new field of medicine. I shall detail my progress below[1].
I have created the world’s first cyborg chicken. It is common knowledge that a chicken can live without its head. I bought a flock of one hundred chickens from the local farmer’s market and raised them to maturity. By the time they were fully grown, eight six of them were still alive. I then decapitated each chicken within the span of a few hours using different techniques that I had researched on how to preserve their life through the process. After three days there were only twelve chickens left alive, and the required nearly constant care, so I restrained their bodies and provided them a constant drip of water and food into the holes in their necks. I then waited a week for their condition to stabilize, during which I prepared to move on to Phase II of the operation.
Phase II consisted of surgically attaching an ASIC device (which was produced at enormous expense, I might add) to interface with the spinal cord of the chicken. There is also a SoC[2] to control the chicken in a high level way for WAN communications to facilitate manual control of the chicken and remote reprogramming. There were three fatalities during surgery and one in the post-operation stage. A week after Phase II was completed there were eight chickens still alive.
Phase III consisted of programming the chickens. I had previously prepared OpenWatcom C compiler to cross compile for the chickens and found the language quite satisfactory to program them. After much experimentation, I found the appropriate signals to control different functions and implemented each signal as an interrupt. White meat muscles are controlled by int 32, while dark meat muscles are controlled by int 33, etc). The contents of ah indicate which specific muscle to control, and al determining the intensity of the signal[3]. After a only three weeks I had gotten the chickens to walk around in pre-programmed paths and defecate on cue.
Now it is time for Phase IV of this project; which is where your help comes in. Phase IV involves human trials. I am looking for volunteers who wish to become cyborgs and are willing to relocate to a small African country with no functioning government. I can assure you that the process will not be painful in the slightest and that you will be well compensated for your time and trouble. Travel expenses will be paid for. Only a select, honored few will be able to assist in such groundbreaking research, so I must insist on a physical examination before we start. If you are interested, please post here with your details, a small paragraph describing why you would like to participate in this study, and (most importantly) your contact information.
I look forward to working on you!
Joshua Rothberg, PhD, MD, JD, CCNA
jrothberg@who.un.gov ______________________________________ [1]Details may be found in the prestigious journal Nature. [2]The SoC runs MS-DOS 5.0 on i286 to ensure that there are no spontaneous deaths. [3]Nerves are discrete, but due to the imprecise nature of the neural interface, a higher intensity allows for more nerves to be triggered at once.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 13:42
A cow can be freely slaughter and eaten (with or without torture) because they are not animals. Cows are machines, designed by humans over the span of ten thousand years. Machines that turn grass, corn, or perhaps an unspecifiable grain derivate, into beef. This is the same with chickens and lambs because, face it, those stupid little shits wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in the wild without us. But this is not so with the pig. The pig is a very unclean animal. They are just as savage as the beast they came from. Pigs should not be eaten.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 13:44
>>64
Why would anyone want to eat a police officer?
>>63 Both have (or can end up having) the capacity for understanding morality, which is clearly and specifically addressed in my argument.
Because behaving in a moral manner is not a privilege you extend to others, but rather a duty you hold to yourself?
Then you can't hold me, an omnivore, accountable for indirectly killing and consuming a chicken since it's in my nature.
Yes it does. We don't have to treat animals incapable of understanding morality as equals, and we are free to raise, kill and eat them if we want to.
I'm not really arguing for equality. We all know that wombats aren't our equals, at least not in that sense. They couldn't possibly participate in our society. What I do mean is that just because they aren't, it doesn't mean that their lives don't warrant respect.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 14:08
>>65
American police are plotting to eat citizens[1]. It's only fair that we get to eat them back.
I'm glad there's another vegetarian here, to join the legions of intelligent people who know eating animals is totally unnecessary and selfishly indulgent.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 15:52
>>74
fuck you dipshit I won't do what you tell me.
Just to spite you I'm going to buy a 2kg pack of meat on my way home. suck my dick
>>81
It's not about “us vs them” or sullying an image. “Oh god, I don't want to stop eating meat, I might become like >>70- on /prog/!” is something you will never hear anyone say.
Anyway, most flesh-eaters are ridiculously stubborn beacuse, well, who doesn't believe that something they think is OK is a reasonable thing to do? You can't change a person like that with reasoned arguments. You have to plant the seed and let them think they came upon the conclusion themselves.
>>87
Teenage rebellion is so cool. You are so cool! >>88
Not illogical. Well, maybe. Mostly compassion-less and unpragmatic. am i rite
Oh, I suppose IHBT? Good one!
>>91 Not illogical. Well, maybe. Mostly compassion-less and unpragmatic.
People often disregard how cheap it is to live off legumes, grains, some produce and 50 cent spices.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 17:14
>>90-91
fuck you and die in a fire, i fucking hate you
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Anonymous2013-03-18 17:16
>>92
because 100g of meat at 2.5€/kg is so fucking expensive
>>94,96
Energy gained from eating animal = energy gained by animal from eating whatever it is it eats - (energy used by animal in living + energy expended by farmer maintaining animal + need I go on?)
>>103
Did you read what I said? Did you understand it?
It's mathematically and intuitively more efficient to bypass the animal entirely.
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Anonymous2013-03-18 17:25
>>101 FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU. I DESPISE YOU. I FUCKING LOATHE YOU WITH THE POWER OF A BILLION BILLION SUNS. I WISH YOU WERE IMMORTAL SO I COULD MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR AN ETERNITY. FUCK YOU AND DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT
>>102
Fine, I'll start digging into my sack of beans despite the intestinal pain it will undoubtedly. I'll still eat about 300g of chicken and fish per week so I don't turn into a tree-hugging faggot human annoyance.
>>107 FUCK YOU AND DIE IN A FIRE YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I FUCKING HATE YOU. DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE. ASDFKSA JGKFDSF JDSF G UFCK YOUF UFCK YOU FUCK YOU UFCK DIE IN A FIRE.
>>108
It wasn't an argument, it was merely some (well-justified) apprehensiveness at the idea of eating beans since the last twenty times I did so I ended up with somewhat intense intestinal pain. Having a diet of pure $x results in bad nutrition, bad health and an untimely demise, regardless of what $x is.
>>110
Well, as I said repeatedly, the trick is beans and grains, for their proteins are complementary in their aminoacid composition. Though if you eat bread or bran or breakfast cereals during the day it balances out.
>>118
I'm browsing /----/ from a free shell, so I can't watch your video.
I've been squatting for years, in case that's what the video is about. Loose shits are still annoying and I don't understand why anyone would want to make their shits loose.
>>119
You're emphasizing the wrong point. The point is keeping the digestive system clean. The effect of having lots of fiber could lead to soft stools. If you're eating bran as a source of fiber, it's simple enough to consume less bran, you don't need a lot of it to benefit.
>>136
killing your own food is unneccesary dumbass
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Anonymous2013-03-19 11:50
>>136
Mass producing chickens is cheaper. Factory chicken costs orders of magnitude less and than a household one. Factory is like a high-level language, while tinkering chickens at home is like doing hand assembly.
>>138
yep, we can just let them die.. like not feeding chickens (i hope vegans don't think we are obliged to feed any animal we meet), they will starve to death
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Anonymous2013-03-19 13:03
>>136
I'm not a tree humper. I've even killed chickens to cook them later (breaking their necks). Killing your own food is not animal abuse.
Besides, 'organic' meat taste much better.
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Anonymous2013-03-19 15:18
>>140
Of course we are, our intelligence also comes with responsibilities!