Raising Chickens

Hello /prog/, I am looking for volunteers to help me pioneer the revolutionary new field of medicine. I shall detail my progress below^[1].
 I have created the world’s first cyborg chicken. It is common knowledge that a chicken can live without its head.  I bought a flock of one hundred chickens from the local farmer’s market and raised them to maturity. By the time they were fully grown, eight six of them were still alive. I then decapitated each chicken within the span of a few hours using different techniques that I had researched on how to preserve their life through the process. After three days there were only twelve chickens left alive, and the required nearly constant care, so I restrained their bodies and provided them a constant drip of water and food into the holes in their necks. I then waited a week for their condition to stabilize, during which I prepared to move on to Phase II of the operation.
Phase II consisted of surgically attaching an ASIC device (which was produced at enormous expense, I might add) to interface with the spinal cord of the chicken. There is also a SoC^[2] to control the chicken in a high level way for WAN communications to facilitate manual control of the chicken and remote reprogramming.  There were three fatalities during surgery and one in the post-operation stage. A week after Phase II was completed there were eight chickens still alive.
Phase III consisted of programming the chickens. I had previously prepared OpenWatcom C compiler to cross compile for the chickens and found the language quite satisfactory to program them. After much experimentation, I found the appropriate signals to control different functions and implemented each signal as an interrupt. White meat muscles are controlled by int 32, while dark meat muscles are controlled by int 33, etc). The contents of ah indicate which specific muscle to control, and al determining the intensity of the signal^[3]. After a only three weeks I had gotten the chickens to walk around in pre-programmed paths and defecate on cue.
Now it is time for Phase IV of this project; which is where your help comes in. Phase IV involves human trials. I am looking for volunteers who wish to become cyborgs and are willing to relocate to a small African country with no functioning government. I can assure you that the process will not be painful in the slightest and that you will be well compensated for your time and trouble. Travel expenses will be paid for. Only a select, honored few will be able to assist in such groundbreaking research, so I must insist on a physical examination before we start. If you are interested, please post here with your details, a small paragraph describing why you would like to participate in this study, and (most importantly) your contact information.
I look forward to working on you!

Joshua Rothberg, PhD, MD, JD, CCNA
jrothberg@who.un.gov
^{______________________________________
[1]Details may be found in the prestigious journal Nature.
[2]The SoC runs MS-DOS 5.0 on i286 to ensure that there are no spontaneous deaths.
[3]Nerves are discrete, but due to the imprecise nature of the neural interface, a higher intensity allows for more nerves to be triggered at once.}

>>40
Ask Intel how SMM works and all of that other shit you have to sign an NDA to know about.

>>40
The farting can be minimized with thorough cooking and soaking, which is why I cook them twice and rinse them, as I described. Besides, I hate the taste, texture, and everything else related to crunchy beans.

What exactly are the ethical considerations of killing a chicken or a fish for the purpose of eating it, oh wise one?

Those stupid critters still feel, you know? And they would lead their little, dumb lives quite contentedly, maybe ending in the jaws of some other animal which doesn't have much of a capacity for moral judgment, or less than ours, or the capacity to feed in any other manner, rather than just dying needlessly on our whim and for our pleasure.

So it boils down to causing harm, suffering, and otherwise ending the life of another sentient being without need.

If you, for some odd circumstance, must eat meat, it's fine on my book, of course. A dear old lady I know suffers from a disease which makes her digestive vulnerable to all sorts of complications. After falling gravely ill a while back and slowly recovering, I wouldn't think of telling her to live off beans!

>>42
Natural wild predators hunt on the edge of starvation. (Most) (first world) humans don't (and are fat).

/prague/ spring

>>41
You still aren't addressing my point.

>>1
a small African country with no functioning government.
You can purchase there a nigger slave for a price of a chicken. Although you will need some way to securely handle your slave.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavery_in_contemporary_Africa

black loli slave...

>>42
The issue is that I have a large bag of black beans, and they seem to cook very quickly (less than an hour), not allowing for your cook-rinse-cook shenanigans. I suppose I could try it with my other bag of beans (brown I think) which take four motherfucking hours to cook.

Those stupid critters still feel, you know?
Yes, which is why they shouldn't be treated like shit before their untimely and soon delicious demise.

And they would lead their little, dumb lives quite contentedly, maybe ending in the jaws of some other animal which doesn't have much of a capacity for moral judgment, or less than ours, or the capacity to feed in any other manner, rather than just dying needlessly on our whim and for our pleasure.
If they don't have the capacity for moral judgment (and never will) then why should they experience the benefits of the moral judgment of others? Also this implies that there are animals which are good or bad by nature, which really rubs me the wrong way. If a species demonstrates sentience and intelligence, sufficiently so to understand morality, then they should be considered as equals (with all the protections and rights that only humans currently have). Otherwise, they're still bound by natural anarchy and, well, if we treat them no shittier than nature would, then I'm pretty sure it's okay to raise them in good conditions, kill them, and eat them.

>>48

Everybody knows that bird murderous are good and cat murderous are evil. Don't be silly.

>>46,47
The children are kidnapped or purchased for $20 – $70 each by slavers in poorer states, such as Benin and Togo, and sold into slavery in sex dens or as unpaid domestic servants for $350.00 each in wealthier oil-rich states, such as Nigeria and Gabon.
God damn. I spend more than that on weed and beer every week. Valuing human life that little is terrible. Africa is disgusting.

>>49
Everybody knows that
I'll stop you right there and send you to fuck off.

>>39
I always cook my beans in a pressure cooker while I fry some steak. Am I doing something wrong? Because meat and legumes are not mutually exclusive as far as I know.

>>52
just don't eat steak too often or it'll clog yer arteries

>>53
Good. I want to die a slow, miserable death while at the same time dieing suddenly. It will be beautiful when I keel over and die in the middle of work.

>>50
Believe me, these kids are far better in slavery than in household which agrees to sell them for $20

Poor Africans also practice cannibalism, so slave traders may have saved these children lives.

Phase IV involves human trials.
Some kike wants to plant a poorly designed Jew chip in your dome.

>>53
I eat small portions, I'm not an Amerijew.

>>48
Black beans give you trouble? My superior vegetarian digestive tract can handle them just fine.

I was talking about those white and brown beans, actually. The method I described was to get them soft. The soaking and pressure cooking are crucial, otherwise they'll take four motherfucking hours to cook, indeed. It's important that they be left in the pressure cooker until the pressure releases by itself; you'll save some energy by letting them cook in their own heat for some 10 minutes rather than on the stove.

I just arrived to that method so that they'd be soft for my traditional beaner dish of beans, noodles and squash, but from what I've read now, it also helps to get rid of the particular type of carbohydrates that you can't digest, and are left up to the bacteria in your intestines, thus making you fart.

If they don't have the capacity for moral judgment (and never will) then why should they experience the benefits of the moral judgment of others? Also this implies that there are animals which are good or bad by nature, which really rubs me the wrong way. If a species demonstrates sentience and intelligence, sufficiently so to understand morality, then they should be considered as equals (with all the protections and rights that only humans currently have). Otherwise, they're still bound by natural anarchy and, well, if we treat them no shittier than nature would, then I'm pretty sure it's okay to raise them in good conditions, kill them, and eat them.

Hmmmm... yes, that's an interesting side question, not that it addresses my arguments. But I'd that it's for the same reason you wouldn't harm little children and sociopaths just because they are amoral. Also, good and bad are very relative terms, especially when talking of non-human uhhh... ethics. You can't hold a cat accountable because he killed a bird, it's in his nature and he doesn't, and can't, know better. The cat would also torture its prey for amusement, you wouldn't feel free to torture the cat just because of that.

>>58
I don't have a pressure cooker and I'm too cheap/lazy to buy one.

>>56
S-shut up no it's not! It's not for anything like that at all. This is for the good of all mankind. You are seriously god damn stupid... perhaps as stupid as Nikita.

>>60
so tsundere

>>52
Yeah, legumes are good for you either way. It depends on what you're cooking. Other than black beans, lentils and split peas (I think? Haven't made those in forever), legumes tend to take longer than that to cook. I personally tend to cook my beans more because of the taste, but that's also because I grew weary of the half-cooked taste and the slime that came with cooked beans in tetra pak. Ugh.

>>58
little children and sociopaths
Both have (or can end up having) the capacity for understanding morality, which is clearly and specifically addressed in my argument.

You can't hold a cat accountable because he killed a bird, it's in his nature and he doesn't, and can't, know better.
Then you can't hold me, an omnivore, accountable for indirectly killing and consuming a chicken since it's in my nature.

not that it addresses my arguments.
Yes it does. We don't have to treat animals incapable of understanding morality as equals, and we are free to raise, kill and eat them if we want to.

A cow can be freely slaughter and eaten (with or without torture) because they are not animals. Cows are machines, designed by humans over the span of ten thousand years. Machines that turn grass, corn, or perhaps an unspecifiable grain derivate, into beef. This is the same with chickens and lambs because, face it, those stupid little shits wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in the wild without us. But this is not so with the pig. The pig is a very unclean animal. They are just as savage as the beast they came from. Pigs should not be eaten.

>>64
Why would anyone want to eat a police officer?

>>65
PCP

>>65
if you are hungry

>>65
I ate one.

>>63
Both have (or can end up having) the capacity for understanding morality, which is clearly and specifically addressed in my argument.

Because behaving in a moral manner is not a privilege you extend to others, but rather a duty you hold to yourself?

Then you can't hold me, an omnivore, accountable for indirectly killing and consuming a chicken since it's in my nature.

Yes it does. We don't have to treat animals incapable of understanding morality as equals, and we are free to raise, kill and eat them if we want to.

I'm not really arguing for equality. We all know that wombats aren't our equals, at least not in that sense. They couldn't possibly participate in our society. What I do mean is that just because they aren't, it doesn't mean that their lives don't warrant respect.

>>65
American police are plotting to eat citizens^[1]. It's only fair that we get to eat them back.

_{^{________________________________________
[1] - https://www.google.com/search?q=cannibal+cop}}

Why hasn't anyone shalom'd >>64-kun? He's asking really hard for it.

Le ahmed Culver

Fuck off with your philosophy back to /b/, please.

>>73
Suck my fucking dick, meateating piece of shit. And check your god damn carnivore privilege on the way out!

>>74
your dick is a piece of meat (well, not meat but w/e, edible anyway), aren't you afraid to offer it to a carnivorous beast

I'm glad there's another vegetarian here, to join the legions of intelligent people who know eating animals is totally unnecessary and selfishly indulgent.

>>74
fuck you dipshit I won't do what you tell me.

Just to spite you I'm going to buy a 2kg pack of meat on my way home. suck my dick

>>74
I couldn't care less about the arguments against or in favor of meat eating.

Eat my meat rod you fucking faggot.

>>76
fuck you elitist piece of shit

>>79
/prog/ - Reasoned arguments