Help me, \prock\

/prog/, I don't know what a touhou is, nor do I want to have sex with one, but I WANT to know, and I WANT to want to have sex with one. Please help my dream come true...

if you practice enough you can suck your own dick

What do you want to know?

W-wait, I-I c-can't let you have sex with me!

>>3
I will fuck you WITH MY TEETH!!

>>4
Not like I'd like to do that, but I'm... curious.

How would you... um... have in- have intercourse with your teeth?

Y-you're starting to sound weird, anon-kun. Remember I'm a pure shrine maiden!

>>5
I have no idea.

One day, as prophesied by a thousand sleeping autistic savants, the Anon of Sanity shall abide, and all the weab00s shall be cast down to /jp/, the ``faggots'' will go back to /b/, the Redditors to Reddit, the shitposters to /lounge/, the OS debates will rage under the sands of /g/, as if frozen in their flame, and the In Lisp will lie sealed in the Frozen Void, forced in his slumber to scrub infinite toilets, and only three shall remain on this accursed board: you, me, and The Sussman.

IF U WERE KILLED TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR FUNERAL CUZ ID B N JAIL 
4 KILLIN DA NIGGA THAT KILLED U!                                     

　　　　＼　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ☆
　　　　　 ヽ、 　 _,,, ｰ─‐－-　..,,_　　　　　　／
　 i　　　　　,ゝ"::::......　　　..........:::::: .｀ヽ.
　 l　　　 ／:::::::::::::::::::::;:::::::::::::;::::::::::::::::::::.';　　　／
　 |　　 /::::::::::::::. /i__ﾊ::::| |:::i:,__,.ｨ､::::::::::::.';　／
　 |　　,'::::::::::.==..」xr示､ └'!､ﾊ､.::|::::i:::::::／
　 l　　|ﾊ:::::i:::::ﾊi { 伐:jl 　 　 　 !__」:::i,／
＿|ヽ､　 ￣'Y;:::ﾑ　辷ﾘ　　　ャ=＝|::::|
　　　 ＼ 　　/.:从::::.　 ､_,__,　 ｀ヾ,i!::::| 　 　 　 /
　　　　　＼,/.:/　;.ﾞｰ ._（　　）__,:::;/;!::::| 　　　〃
　　　　　　/.:/､.　i7　 「､¨７ 　／　|::::.| 　　,./
　　　　　ノ;;/　 ﾞｰi '、 |_／_／　 　 !:::::!, 'iﾞ /
　 　 　 　 　 　　 ,i }二>＜__」　 　/L;;;t:::i/
　　　 　　　　　 ,ﾉ　 く/|__,ゝ　　 ,/.:i:::i::::::.!￣￣￣
　　　　　　 　 く＼＿/ i､.＿_ _ ,ｲ:::::i:::i::::::.!
　　　　　　　　　ﾞ;､／:::::!､＿_ -ｰヽ:::i:::i::::::.i
　　　　　　　 　 ,'::::;':::::::::::::::::::::!:::::｀':.､::!::::::.!
　　　　　　　　 ,'::::;':::::::::::::::::::::::i::::::::::. !::i::::::::'.,
　　　　　　　 ノ:::::i::::::::::::::::::::::::::';:::::::ノゝ!;:::::::. ';,
　　　　　　 [＞､:;:L__:::::::::::::::::::::,ﾍ､_ン゛ー - ､ﾉ
　　　　　　　　　￣｀ヽ､rヽ＝ﾌﾆ='
　　　　　　　　　　　　　し'                                                             
WE TRUE HOMIES                                                       
WE RIDE TOGETHER                                                     
WE DIE TOGETHER                                                      
send this WAIFU to every thread you care about including this one if   
you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 13 your A TRUE   
HOMIE

HAHAHA sageru

Please /prog/. I'm begging you. The real world is so cold and ugly. The 2D feels so warm and loving. I want a waifu. I want to feel 2D love, and to be loved by the 2D. Please help me find a 2D girl. I don't even know where to start.

>>10
You don't find your waifu. Your waifu finds you.

>>11
Nice dubz

Touhou? Come on man, you been smoking dope or sumthin? "Touhou" that's Hocus Pocus dawg. Go get sumthin real like a Tony Hawk or sumthin up ya man.

>>7
Aw, Anon-kun, that was cute.

I sort of like you.

>>8
Who's that? Looks familiar.

>>11
Please tell me that's not true. I've waited so long already. I don't think I can handle anymore. I NEED the love of a waifu.

>>14
Thanks, even if you've fallen to the eternal and omnipresent forces that corrupt /prog/, I must love you.

>>16
Earthworms dig because they are unaware of the concept of drilling. You may think this unawareness is the result of experience, but really, it's the other way around for earthworms, no matter how absurd it may sound. You are not an earthworm. Your experience is very different from the experience of an earthworm. Your unawareness is the result of your experience, and therefore conceptually irrelevant to that of earthworms.
Do not dig. Drill.

>>17
I never said I loved you, silly anon!

>>19

In quantum mechanics, a probability amplitude is a complex number whose modulus squared represents a probability or probability density. For example, if the probability amplitude of a quantum state is α, the probability of measuring that state is | α | 2. The values taken by a normalised wave function ψ at each point x are probability amplitudes, since |ψ(x)|2 gives the probability density at position x.

The principal use of probability amplitudes is as the physical meaning of the wavefunction, a link first proposed by Max Born and a pillar of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics. In fact, the properties of the wave function were being used to make physical predictions (such as emissions from atoms being at certain discrete energies) before any physical interpretation was offered. Born was awarded half of the 1954 Nobel Prize in physics for this understanding, though it was vigorously contested at the time by the original physicists working on the theory, such as Schrödinger and Einstein. Therefore, the probability thus calculated is sometimes called the "Born probability", and the relationship used to calculate probability from the wavefunction is sometimes called the Born rule.

GO CANCEL YOUR CREDIT CARD YOU ASSUMPTION KANGAROO

The Eberstadt Report, officially known as the Task Force Report on National Security Organization, was a study conducted by the United States government which evaluated the structure and operations of the United States Department of Defense and United States Intelligence Community. The report was created by the Task Force on National Security Organization, chaired by Ferdinand Eberstadt, from 1948-1949 under the Commission on Organization of the Executive Branch of the Government, also known as the First Hoover Commission. The most important findings of the report include recommendations for better cooperation within the US Intelligence Community, improvement in the internal structure and operations of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), and the growing need for the development of scientific intelligence in the background of the Cold War. Despite its submission to US Congress, the report was not widely read due to being overshadowed by the Intelligence Survey Group and its report, the Dulles Report.

>>19
That much, I realized, sirrah.

bampu pantsu

Hey, /grop/, it's me, the OP. After I found no help here, I wallowed in despair and resigned myself to not even knowing 2D love. I never really learned what a touhou is. I eventually got over my suicidal thoughts and got back on track with shitposting. But today I found something.

http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Boundary_Manipulation

See that? It's all about a Touhou. And one that's basically God, at that.

I don't think I have to tell you how hot that is.

So I have questions. How do I make this Touhou into my waifu? Is she the one? I still don't know much about her (or what a Touhou is exactly), and worst of all: I'm having trouble imagining that if I met Yukari in real life that she'd even give me the time of day. How do I fix that?

So /prog/, again I humbly ask for your aide. Please help my dream come true.

>>10
waifu
Back to /a/, ``please"!

>>25
I don't want to sound like one of those retards from the imageboards, but this ``waifu" bullshit is stupid and you sound like a cheesy 14yo girl.

First of all, you seem to be really interested on this, like it's the new cool and hip shit or something. It's not. You're just inserting yourself into a group of delusional faggots who are using their ``waifus" as a mean of escapism.

Now, if you're asking how to get into this new cool thread, you're doing it wrong. That's like asking people to suggest you a new favorite color for you.

Hoping you understand this, there are two steps to follow:

1) Make sure you've never ever felt interest in having a relationship with a real woman. If you ever did, break; return 1, back to reddit ``please". I'm 90% sure you fail to meet this condition, so here's the car that will take you home:
http://reddit.com/r/seduction

If you are asexual or an heterosexual male with unbelievably high standards or autistic, you're most likely to meet the condition. In that case, continue to step 2.

2) Most people pick Touhou characters as their favorite female characters, like I did. You can play Touhou and get your ANUS struck by a cute girl. If she happens to be in one of the official manga books, you read the books and discover if she's really your favorite character.

In case you don't find your character (a bit difficult), play other weeaboo games or watch more weeaboo shit.

Keep in mind you're not supposed to force this. A ``waaah i need a le waifu XD" mindset is as useless as not meeting the first condition.

>>27
I meant this new cool trend. Fuck you world4shit.

Finally, once you're sure you found her, you could have an autism attack like the one I had about one year ago and make her your imaginary friend. I've already met her quite a few times in my dreams, and it makes me feel glad of being alive.

Or you could just browse Danbooru and save cute pictures of her.

>>1
nor do I want to have sex with one
gay.

>>20
Interesting.

You're just inserting yourself into a group of delusional faggots who are using their ``waifus" as a mean of shit posting and trolling.

Oh, also that. Thanks, >>30-kun.

>>3,5
You're not the real Reimu, she doesn't make that kind of posts.

If you're going to roleplay, at least put some effort (and logic on it). If I were Labia Culver, I'd probably pick a reasonable nickname like ``powncgurl" or some stupid shit like that. Even ``lculver" would be reasonable enough for a retarded 3D pig like her.

Using ``Leah Culver" wouldn't make much sense in an anonymous BBS, you know. So a better nickname for Reimu would be ``red_miko" or something like that.

Oh, Reimu is not shy at all.

\
Windows is shit.

>>33
\? Where?

>>34
The subject, pigshit.

>>35
Sorry, cowdear. I'm blind.

>>33
good luck playing vidio games on anything else

>>37
Windows fails even in its own home.
http://blogs.valvesoftware.com/linux/faster-zombies/

>>37
playing vidya when there's so much to learn about programming
ISHYGDDT

>>39
Go the fuck back to /g/, retard.