Name: Anonymous 2008-09-08 12:49
Create a penis object in your favorite language with all functionality a real penis has.
how about
no?
#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#define A.piss(B) piss(A,B)
#define A.getHard() getHard(A)
#define A.isHard() isHard(A)
#define A.soft() soft(A)
#define A.cum() cum(A)
#define A.getLitters() getLitters(A)
typedef struct phallus {
int bladder = 0;
int is_hard = 0;
} penis;
void piss(penis my_penis, int litters)
{
if (my_penis.bladder == 0) { printf("I'm all empty already\n"); return; }
if (my_penis.bladder - litters < 0) { printf("I can't piss that much! return; }
my_penis.bladder -= litters;
if (rand() % 2 == 0) {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("You can see a bird falling down cause it got hit by your piss\n");
else
printf("You killed a bee with your piss. Be proud.\n")
else {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("You put those %d litters into a cup and drunk it. Freak.\n", litters);
}
printf("You tried pissing on a girl walking down the street. ");
printf("It turned out it was a tranvestite and it fucked you. ");
printf("I hope you enjoyed it.\n");
}
int isHard(penis my_penis)
{
return my_penis.is_hard;
}
void getHard(penis my_penis)
{
if (my_penis.isHard()) printf("I'm already ready, you dumbtard.\n");
else {
my_penis.is_hard = 1;
printf("I'm ready for action, sir!\n");
}
}
void soft(penis my_penis)
{
if (my_penis.isHard()) {
my_penis.is_hard = 0;
printf("I hate when a hard on gets away like this :(.\n");
}
else printf("You idiot, I'm already soft\n");
}
void cum(penis my_penis)
{
if (!my_penis.isHard) {
printf("How the fuck you want to cum if your penis is soft? Fucker.\n");
return;
}
my_penis.soft();
if (rand() % 2 == 0) {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("Your cum hit the wall and went right through it! Wow!\n");
else
printf("Your fapping incinerated your pants, but you still managed to cum.\n")
else {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("Your cum went up and got into your mouth. I hope you like swallowing.");
}
printf("Your cum flew across the street and hit a 12yo girl that was showering. ");
printf("It made her pregnant. ");
printf("Get ready to have kids without ever having sex, bud.\n");
}
int main()
{
penis my_penis;
char command[100];
/* get full of fluids (ready for action) */
my_penis.bladder = 100;
for (printf("enter help for help\n> "), scanf("%s", command);
strcmp(command, "bye") != 0;
printf("> "), scanf("%s", command)) {
if (strcmp(command, "get hard") == 0) my_penis.getHard();
else if (strcmp(command, "get soft") == 0) my_penis.soft();
else if (strcmp(command, "cum") == 0) {
if (my_penis.isHard()) {
printf("oh yes\n");
my_penis.soft();
} else { printf("I gotta get hard first\n"); }
}
else if (strcmp(command, "piss") == 0) my_penis.piss(atoi(&command[6]));
else if (strcmp(command, "help") == 0) {
printf("commands:\npiss N - piss N litters of piss.\n");
printf("get hard - gets your penis ready for action\n");
printf("get soft - gets your penis unready for action\n");
printf("cum - makes you spill god forsaken milk\n");
printf("help - gets you this help, you faggot\n");
printf("bye - quits\n");
}
}
printf("loved to be of service\n\n);
printf("hugs and kisses,\nyour penis\n");
return 0;
} if (my_penis.bladder - litters < 0) { printf("I can't piss that much! return; }
#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
typedef struct phallus {
int bladder;
int is_hard;
} penis;
void piss(penis my_penis, int litters)
{
if (my_penis.bladder == 0) { printf("I'm all empty already\n"); return; }
if (my_penis.bladder - litters < 0) { printf("I can't piss that much!"); return; }
my_penis.bladder -= litters;
if (rand() % 2 == 0) {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("You can see a bird falling down cause it got hit by your piss\n");
else
printf("You killed a bee with your piss. Be proud.\n");
}
else {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("You put those %d litters into a cup and drunk it. Freak.\n", litters);
}
printf("You tried pissing on a girl walking down the street. ");
printf("It turned out it was a tranvestite and it fucked you. ");
printf("I hope you enjoyed it.\n");
}
void getHard(penis my_penis)
{
if (my_penis.is_hard) printf("I'm already ready, you dumbtard.\n");
else {
my_penis.is_hard = 1;
printf("I'm ready for action, sir!\n");
}
}
void soft(penis my_penis)
{
if (my_penis.is_hard) {
my_penis.is_hard = 0;
printf("I hate when a hard on gets away like this :(.\n");
}
else printf("You idiot, I'm already soft\n");
}
void cum(penis my_penis)
{
if (!my_penis.is_hard) {
printf("How the fuck you want to cum if your penis is soft? Fucker.\n");
return;
}
soft(my_penis);
if (rand() % 2 == 0) {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("Your cum hit the wall and went right through it! Wow!\n");
else
printf("Your fapping incinerated your pants, but you still managed to cum.\n");
}
else {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("Your cum went up and got into your mouth. I hope you like swallowing.");
}
printf("Your cum flew across the street and hit a 12yo girl that was showering. ");
printf("It made her pregnant. ");
printf("Get ready to have kids without ever having sex, bud.\n");
}
int main()
{
penis my_penis;
char command[100];
/* get full of fluids (ready for action) */
my_penis.bladder = 100;
/* get soft */
my_penis.bladder = 0;
for (printf("enter help for help\n> "), scanf("%s", command);
strcmp(command, "bye") != 0;
printf("> "), scanf("%s", command)) {
if (strcmp(command, "get hard") == 0) getHard(my_penis);
else if (strcmp(command, "get soft") == 0) soft(my_penis);
else if (strcmp(command, "cum") == 0) {
if (my_penis.is_hard) {
printf("oh yes\n");
soft(my_penis);
} else { printf("I gotta get hard first\n"); }
}
else if (strcmp(command, "piss") == 0) {
printf("this command doesn't work, fuck you and fix it.\n");
}
else if (strcmp(command, "help") == 0) {
printf("commands:\npiss N - piss N litters of piss.\n");
printf("get hard - gets your penis ready for action\n");
printf("get soft - gets your penis unready for action\n");
printf("cum - makes you spill god forsaken milk\n");
printf("help - gets you this help, you faggot\n");
printf("bye - quits\n");
}
}
printf("loved to be of service\n\n");
printf("hugs and kisses,\nyour penis\n");
system("pause");
return 0;
}system("pause");
#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <ctype.h>
typedef struct phallus {
int bladder;
int is_hard;
} penis;
void piss(penis *my_penis, int litters)
{
if (my_penis->bladder == 0) { printf("I'm all empty already\n"); return; }
if (my_penis->bladder - litters < 0) { printf("I can't piss that much!"); return; }
my_penis->bladder -= litters;
if (rand() % 2 == 0) {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("You can see a bird falling down cause it got hit by your piss\n");
else
printf("You killed a bee with your piss. Be proud.\n");
}
else {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("You put those %d litters into a cup and drunk it. Freak.\n", litters);
}
printf("You tried pissing on a girl walking down the street. ");
printf("It turned out it was a tranvestite and it fucked you. ");
printf("I hope you enjoyed it.\n");
}
void getHard(penis *my_penis)
{
if (my_penis->is_hard) printf("I'm already ready, you dumbtard.\n");
else {
my_penis->is_hard = 1;
printf("I'm ready for action, sir!\n");
}
}
void soft(penis *my_penis)
{
if (my_penis->is_hard) {
my_penis->is_hard = 0;
printf("I hate when a hard on gets away like this :(.\n");
}
else printf("You idiot, I'm already soft\n");
}
void cum(penis *my_penis)
{
if (!my_penis->is_hard) {
printf("How the fuck you want to cum if your penis is soft? Fucker.\n");
return;
}
my_penis->is_hard = 0;
if (rand() % 2 == 0) {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("Your cum hit the wall and went right through it! Wow!\n");
else
printf("Your fapping incinerated your pants, but you still managed to cum.\n");
}
else {
if (rand() % 2 == 0)
printf("Your cum went up and got into your mouth. I hope you like swallowing.");
}
printf("Your cum flew across the street and hit a 12yo girl that was showering. ");
printf("It made her pregnant. ");
printf("Get ready to have kids without ever having had sex, bud.\n");
}
char *getline()
{
char *line, c;
int i = 0;
line = malloc(101 * sizeof(char));
while ((c = fgetc(stdin)) != '\n' && i < 100)
line[i++] = c;
line[i] = '\0';
return line;
}
int main()
{
penis my_penis;
char *command;
/* get full of fluids (ready for action) */
my_penis.bladder = 100;
/* get soft */
my_penis.is_hard = 0;
for (printf("enter help for help\n> "), command = getline();
strcmp(command, "bye") != 0;
printf("> "), command = getline()) {
if (strcmp(command, "get hard") == 0) getHard(&my_penis);
else if (strcmp(command, "get soft") == 0) soft(&my_penis);
else if (strcmp(command, "cum") == 0) cum(&my_penis);
else if (strcmp(command, "piss") >= 0) {
if (command[5] != '\0' && isdigit(command[5])) {
piss(&my_penis, atoi(&command[5]));
}
else printf("Syntax error, dumbass. Read the help.\n");
}
else if (strcmp(command, "help") == 0) {
printf("commands:\npiss N - piss N litters of piss.\n");
printf("get hard - gets your penis ready for action\n");
printf("get soft - gets your penis unready for action\n");
printf("cum - makes you spill god forsaken milk\n");
printf("help - gets you this help, you faggot\n");
printf("bye - quits\n");
}
free(command);
}
printf("loved to be of service\n\n");
printf("hugs and kisses,\nyour penis\n\n");
printf("Press any key to continue\n");
fgetc(stdin);
return 0;
}#define A.piss(B) piss(A,B)
#define A.getHard() getHard(A)
#define A.isHard() isHard(A)
#define A.soft() soft(A)
#define A.cum() cum(A)
#define A.getLitters() getLitters(A)[/quote]GOD!I bow before your might!penis and vagina of course need to interact with one another, but for reusability's sake, they should accept any object with similar properties. This would be an example of dick typing.
class object;
class Dick : public object;
vector< object* > vagina;
vagina.push_back( new Dick() );
class Centipede : public object;
vagina.push_back( new Centipede() );
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# todo:
# add smell/hygene factor
# thread smell operations
import thread
from random import randint
from time import strftime, sleep
class yoni():
wet = 0
clit = 0
pee = 0
blood = 0
pads = 0
health = 0
def tinkle():
odds = randint(1,100)
if vagina.pee <= 0:
print "\nOh! You're already finished going."
elif vagina.pee > 0:
if odds%3 == 0:
print "\nYou piss yourself where you stand, fresh urine soaking your ill-fitting Wranglers and into your broken Adidas.\n"
vagina.pee = 0
vagina.wet = 51
elif odds%101 == 0:
print "\nYou relieve yourself in a normal manner, wash up, and marry a nice guy who deserves you.\n"
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nYou slowly and shyly lower your skirt, squeezing shut your eyes. You relax youself, hovering above the potty, and release. You feel wonderful relief.\n"
vagina.pee = 0
vagina.wet = 51
else:
vagina.pee = vagina.pee-1
print "\nYou squeeze out the tiniest bit, ironicially pissed off that you spent all this effort for nothing, and still have", vagina.pee, "mL pressing inside you.\n"
def centipede():
while True:
sleep(22)
print """
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _(.--.)
{{ { { { { { { { { { { ( '_')
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>`--'>\n """
def rub():
odds = randint(1,50)
if vagina.wet == 0:
print "\nGosh! You aren't really in the mood for that.\nYou're really thinking about reading something by Mary Wollstonecraft instead.\n "
elif vagina.wet > 0:
if vagina.clit < 50:
if odds%1 == 0:
print "\nYou stuff your hand between your thighs and rub! rub! rub!\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+15
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nAs you rub your clit, you slide your free middle finger inside your slippy vogina.\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+15
else:
print "\nYou bonk your vajayjay.\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+10
elif vagina.clit >= 50:
if odds%3 == 0:
print "\nYour fingers slide deeply into your ass, probing your clitoral root from deep inside your colon and causing your pussy to leak itself over your asshole and onto the bedsheets.\n "
vagina.clit = 0
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nYou grab the backs of your thighs and jerk your clit towards your mouth; you feel a deep ecstacy as your muscle fibers and tendons scream in wonderful pain, the pure electricity you feel as your mouth surrounds your clit turning overwhelming pain into indescribable pleasure.\n "
vagina.clit = 0
else:
print "\n***YOU CAME***\n "
else:
print "\nYou slide your finger slowly from your ass to your clit\n "
def pad():
if vagina.pads > 0:
print "\nYou wash yourself up and slap on a pad\n "
vagina.pads = vagina.pads - 1
vagina.blood = -15
elif vagina.pads == 0:
print "\nOH GOD, YOU'RE OUT!\n\n"
def menses():
if int(strftime("%U"))%3 == 0:
while True:
sleep(10)
vagina.blood = vagina.blood + 5
if vagina.blood > 0: print "\n. . .your vagina oozes thick and rotting uterus into your underwear."
if vagina.blood <= 0: print "You feel blood drip into your thirsty pad."
if 20 > vagina.blood > 10:
print "Your underpants feel really gross.\n "
elif 30 > vagina.blood > 20:
print "Your bottom is sticky and caked with uterine filth.\n "
elif 40 > vagina.blood > 30:
print "You should probably find somewhere to change; people are starting to stare.\n "
elif vagina.blood > 40:
die()
def die():
print "\n ~~~~~YOU FILTHY SKANK~~~~~"
print """
______
.-" "-.
/ \
|, .-. .-. ,|
| )(__/ \__)( |
|/ /\ \|
(_ ^^ _)
\__|IIIIII|__/
| \IIIIII/ |
\ /
`--------`
YOU DIED BECAUSE YOU ARE DISGUSTING,
BUT THE CURSE ENDS NOT AT DEATH.
"""
sleep(15)
quit()
def IO():
print "\n enter [h]elp for help\n"
cm = ""
while cm != "bye":
cm = raw_input(">>")
if cm == "tinkle": tinkle()
elif cm == "rub": rub()
elif cm == "reset": reset()
elif cm == "die": die()
elif cm == "pad": pad()
elif cm == "h" or "help":
print "commands:\n"
print "tinkle - relieve yourself."
print "rub - pleasure yourself."
print "help - gets you this help, you faggot"
print "pad - use a sanitary napkin during menstruation"
print "bye - quits"
if __name__ == "__main__":
vagina = yoni()
vagina.wet = 0
vagina.clit = 0
vagina.pee = 100
vagina.blood = 1
vagina.pads = 2
thread.start_new_thread(centipede,())
thread.start_new_thread(menses,())
IO()
import thread
from random import randint
from time import strftime, sleep
class yoni():
wet = 0
clit = 0
pee = 0
blood = 0
pads = 0
def tinkle():
odds = randint(1,100)
if vagina.pee <= 0:
print "\nOh! You're already finished going."
elif vagina.pee > 0:
if odds%3 == 0:
print "\nYou piss yourself where you stand, fresh urine soaking your ill-fitting Wranglers and into your broken Adidas.\n"
vagina.pee = 0
vagina.wet = 51
elif odds%101 == 0:
print "\nYou relieve yourself in a normal manner, wash up, and marry a nice guy who deserves you.\n"
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nYou slowly and shyly lower your skirt, squeezing shut your eyes. You relax youself, hovering above the potty, and release. You feel wonderful relief.\n"
vagina.pee = 0
vagina.wet = 51
else:
vagina.pee = vagina.pee-1
print "\nYou squeeze out the tiniest bit, ironicially pissed off that you spent all this effort for nothing, and still have", vagina.pee, "mL pressing inside you.\n"
def centipede():
while True:
sleep(22)
print """
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _(.--.)
{{ { { { { { { { { { { ( '_')
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>`--'>\n """
def rub():
odds = randint(1,50)
if vagina.wet == 0:
print "\nGosh! You aren't really in the mood for that.\nYou're really thinking about reading something by Mary Wollstonecraft instead.\n "
elif vagina.wet > 0:
if vagina.clit < 50:
if odds%1 == 0:
print "\nYou stuff your hand between your thighs and rub! rub! rub!\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+15
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nAs you rub your clit, you slide your free middle finger inside your slippy vogina.\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+15
else:
print "\nYou bonk your vajayjay.\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+10
elif vagina.clit >= 50:
if odds%3 == 0:
print "\nYour fingers slide deeply into your ass, probing your clitoral root from deep inside your colon and causing your pussy to leak itself over your asshole and onto the bedsheets.\n "
vagina.clit = 0
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nYou grab the backs of your thighs and jerk your clit towards your mouth; you feel a deep ecstacy as your muscle fibers and tendons scream in wonderful pain, the pure electricity you feel as your mouth surrounds your clit turning overwhelming pain into indescribable pleasure.\n "
vagina.clit = 0
else:
print "\n***YOU CAME***\n "
else:
print "\nYou slide your finger slowly from your ass to your clit\n "
def pad():
if vagina.pads > 0:
print "\nYou wash yourself up and slap on a pad\n "
vagina.pads = vagina.pads - 1
vagina.blood = -15
elif vagina.pads == 0:
print "\nOH GOD, YOU'RE OUT!\n\n"
def menses():
if int(strftime("%U"))%3 == 0:
while True:
sleep(10)
vagina.blood = vagina.blood + 5
if vagina.blood > 0: print "\n. . .your vagina oozes thick and rotting uterus into your underwear."
if vagina.blood <= 0: print "You feel blood drip into your thirsty pad."
if 20 > vagina.blood > 10:
print "Your underpants feel really gross.\n "
elif 30 > vagina.blood > 20:
print "Your bottom is sticky and caked with uterine filth.\n "
elif 40 > vagina.blood > 30:
print "You should probably find somewhere to change; people are starting to stare.\n "
elif vagina.blood > 40:
die()
def die():
print "\n ~~~~~YOU FILTHY SKANK~~~~~"
print """
______
.-" "-.
/ \
|, .-. .-. ,|
| )(__/ \__)( |
|/ /\ \|
(_ ^^ _)
\__|IIIIII|__/
| \IIIIII/ |
\ /
`--------`
YOU DIED BECAUSE YOU ARE DISGUSTING,
BUT THE CURSE ENDS NOT AT DEATH.
"""
sleep(15)
quit()
def IO():
print "\n enter help for help\n"
cm = ""
while cm != "bye":
cm = raw_input(">>")
if cm == "tinkle":
tinkle()
if cm == "rub":
rub()
if cm == "pad":
pad()
if cm == "bye":
quit()
if cm == "help":
print "commands:\n"
print "tinkle - relieve yourself."
print "rub - pleasure yourself."
print "pad - use a sanitary napkin during menstruation"
print "help - gets you this help, you faggot"
print "bye - quits"
if __name__ == "__main__":
vagina = yoni()
vagina.wet = 0
vagina.clit = 0
vagina.pee = 100
vagina.blood = 1
vagina.pads = 2
thread.start_new_thread(centipede,())
thread.start_new_thread(menses,())
IO()