Name: Anonymous 2008-09-08 12:49
Create a penis object in your favorite language with all functionality a real penis has.
import thread
from random import randint
from time import strftime, sleep
class yoni():
wet = 0
clit = 0
pee = 0
blood = 0
pads = 0
def tinkle():
odds = randint(1,100)
if vagina.pee <= 0:
print "\nOh! You're already finished going."
elif vagina.pee > 0:
if odds%3 == 0:
print "\nYou piss yourself where you stand, fresh urine soaking your ill-fitting Wranglers and into your broken Adidas.\n"
vagina.pee = 0
vagina.wet = 51
elif odds%101 == 0:
print "\nYou relieve yourself in a normal manner, wash up, and marry a nice guy who deserves you.\n"
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nYou slowly and shyly lower your skirt, squeezing shut your eyes. You relax youself, hovering above the potty, and release. You feel wonderful relief.\n"
vagina.pee = 0
vagina.wet = 51
else:
vagina.pee = vagina.pee-1
print "\nYou squeeze out the tiniest bit, ironicially pissed off that you spent all this effort for nothing, and still have", vagina.pee, "mL pressing inside you.\n"
def centipede():
while True:
sleep(22)
print """
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _(.--.)
{{ { { { { { { { { { { ( '_')
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>`--'>\n """
def rub():
odds = randint(1,50)
if vagina.wet == 0:
print "\nGosh! You aren't really in the mood for that.\nYou're really thinking about reading something by Mary Wollstonecraft instead.\n "
elif vagina.wet > 0:
if vagina.clit < 50:
if odds%1 == 0:
print "\nYou stuff your hand between your thighs and rub! rub! rub!\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+15
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nAs you rub your clit, you slide your free middle finger inside your slippy vogina.\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+15
else:
print "\nYou bonk your vajayjay.\n "
vagina.clit = vagina.clit+10
elif vagina.clit >= 50:
if odds%3 == 0:
print "\nYour fingers slide deeply into your ass, probing your clitoral root from deep inside your colon and causing your pussy to leak itself over your asshole and onto the bedsheets.\n "
vagina.clit = 0
elif odds%2 == 0:
print "\nYou grab the backs of your thighs and jerk your clit towards your mouth; you feel a deep ecstacy as your muscle fibers and tendons scream in wonderful pain, the pure electricity you feel as your mouth surrounds your clit turning overwhelming pain into indescribable pleasure.\n "
vagina.clit = 0
else:
print "\n***YOU CAME***\n "
else:
print "\nYou slide your finger slowly from your ass to your clit\n "
def pad():
if vagina.pads > 0:
print "\nYou wash yourself up and slap on a pad\n "
vagina.pads = vagina.pads - 1
vagina.blood = -15
elif vagina.pads == 0:
print "\nOH GOD, YOU'RE OUT!\n\n"
def menses():
if int(strftime("%U"))%3 == 0:
while True:
sleep(10)
vagina.blood = vagina.blood + 5
if vagina.blood > 0: print "\n. . .your vagina oozes thick and rotting uterus into your underwear."
if vagina.blood <= 0: print "You feel blood drip into your thirsty pad."
if 20 > vagina.blood > 10:
print "Your underpants feel really gross.\n "
elif 30 > vagina.blood > 20:
print "Your bottom is sticky and caked with uterine filth.\n "
elif 40 > vagina.blood > 30:
print "You should probably find somewhere to change; people are starting to stare.\n "
elif vagina.blood > 40:
die()
def die():
print "\n ~~~~~YOU FILTHY SKANK~~~~~"
print """
______
.-" "-.
/ \
|, .-. .-. ,|
| )(__/ \__)( |
|/ /\ \|
(_ ^^ _)
\__|IIIIII|__/
| \IIIIII/ |
\ /
`--------`
YOU DIED BECAUSE YOU ARE DISGUSTING,
BUT THE CURSE ENDS NOT AT DEATH.
"""
sleep(15)
quit()
def IO():
print "\n enter help for help\n"
cm = ""
while cm != "bye":
cm = raw_input(">>")
if cm == "tinkle":
tinkle()
if cm == "rub":
rub()
if cm == "pad":
pad()
if cm == "bye":
quit()
if cm == "help":
print "commands:\n"
print "tinkle - relieve yourself."
print "rub - pleasure yourself."
print "pad - use a sanitary napkin during menstruation"
print "help - gets you this help, you faggot"
print "bye - quits"
if __name__ == "__main__":
vagina = yoni()
vagina.wet = 0
vagina.clit = 0
vagina.pee = 100
vagina.blood = 1
vagina.pads = 2
thread.start_new_thread(centipede,())
thread.start_new_thread(menses,())
IO()