Penis

Create a penis object in your favorite language with all functionality a real penis has.

there, I fixed the piss command and took out the system("pause")
went around it ;P, just see it


#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <ctype.h>

typedef struct phallus {
  int bladder;
  int is_hard;
} penis;

void piss(penis *my_penis, int litters)
{
  if (my_penis->bladder == 0) { printf("I'm all empty already\n"); return; }
  if (my_penis->bladder - litters < 0) { printf("I can't piss that much!"); return; }
  my_penis->bladder -= litters;
  if (rand() % 2 == 0) {
    if (rand() % 2 == 0)   
      printf("You can see a bird falling down cause it got hit by your piss\n");
    else
      printf("You killed a bee with your piss. Be proud.\n");
  }
  else {
    if (rand() % 2 == 0)
      printf("You put those %d litters into a cup and drunk it. Freak.\n", litters);
  }
  printf("You tried pissing on a girl walking down the street. ");
  printf("It turned out it was a tranvestite and it fucked you. ");
  printf("I hope you enjoyed it.\n");
}

void getHard(penis *my_penis)
{
  if (my_penis->is_hard) printf("I'm already ready, you dumbtard.\n");
  else {
    my_penis->is_hard = 1;
    printf("I'm ready for action, sir!\n");
  }
}

void soft(penis *my_penis)
{
  if (my_penis->is_hard) {
    my_penis->is_hard = 0;
    printf("I hate when a hard on gets away like this :(.\n");
  }
  else printf("You idiot, I'm already soft\n");
}

void cum(penis *my_penis)
{
  if (!my_penis->is_hard) {
    printf("How the fuck you want to cum if your penis is soft? Fucker.\n");
    return;
  }
  my_penis->is_hard = 0;
  if (rand() % 2 == 0) {
    if (rand() % 2 == 0)   
      printf("Your cum hit the wall and went right through it! Wow!\n");
    else
      printf("Your fapping incinerated your pants, but you still managed to cum.\n");
  }
  else {
    if (rand() % 2 == 0)
      printf("Your cum went up and got into your mouth. I hope you like swallowing.");
  }
  printf("Your cum flew across the street and hit a 12yo girl that was showering. ");
  printf("It made her pregnant. ");
  printf("Get ready to have kids without ever having had sex, bud.\n");
}

char *getline()
{
  char *line, c;
  int i = 0;
 
  line = malloc(101 * sizeof(char));
  while ((c = fgetc(stdin)) != '\n' && i < 100)
    line[i++] = c;
  line[i] = '\0';
  return line;
}
 
 

int main()
{
  penis my_penis;
  char *command;

  /* get full of fluids (ready for action) */
  my_penis.bladder = 100;
  /* get soft */
  my_penis.is_hard = 0;

  for (printf("enter help for help\n> "), command = getline();
       strcmp(command, "bye") != 0;
       printf("> "), command = getline()) {
    if (strcmp(command, "get hard") == 0) getHard(&my_penis);
    else if (strcmp(command, "get soft") == 0) soft(&my_penis);
    else if (strcmp(command, "cum") == 0) cum(&my_penis);
    else if (strcmp(command, "piss") >= 0) {
      if (command[5] != '\0' && isdigit(command[5])) {
        piss(&my_penis, atoi(&command[5]));
      }
      else printf("Syntax error, dumbass. Read the help.\n");
    }
    else if (strcmp(command, "help") == 0) {
      printf("commands:\npiss N   - piss N litters of piss.\n");
      printf("get hard - gets your penis ready for action\n");
      printf("get soft - gets your penis unready for action\n");
      printf("cum      - makes you spill god forsaken milk\n");
      printf("help     - gets you this help, you faggot\n");
      printf("bye      - quits\n");
    }
    free(command);
  }

  printf("loved to be of service\n\n");
  printf("hugs and kisses,\nyour penis\n\n");
  printf("Press any key to continue\n");
  fgetc(stdin);

  return 0;
}

and that's how you implement a penis in C ISO 99