Superman was flying around up in the sky looking for people in need of help when he happened to look down upon the beach and Wonder Woman nude sunbathing. He thought to himself, "I have always wanted to hit that. Wait a minute, I'm Superman; I can fly down there and fuck that and be done before she even knows what hit her!"
So he decides he's going to do it. In the blink of an eye, he flies down, fucks her and finishes and flies away before she even knows what happened.
Startled, Wonder Woman sits up, exclaiming, "What the hell was that?!"
The Invisible man gets up off her and replies, "I don't know, but my ass hurts like hell."
Peter's infinite penis is rolled up. Then Peter sees a naughty magazine. He gets an erection, his penis unrolls, circles the Earth, and comes back into his anus. Then the penis penetrates him and continues inside itself. This continues infinitely.
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation and leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the fucking dishes!"
>>56
meant to quote >>54 , I was thinking ahead about my GET
Name:
Anonymous2010-09-26 11:23
Peter's infinite penis is rolled up. Then Peter sees a naughty magazine. He gets an erection, his penis unrolls, circles the Earth, and comes back into his anus. Then the penis penetrates him and continues inside itself. This continues infinitely.
Name:
Anonymous2010-09-26 11:25
I like the jokes that have a long set-up, with not necessarily a funny punchline.
Name:
Anonymous2010-09-26 16:10
I once stuck myself to an envlope. Ever since then, I been the stamp.
I once spent a night in a tent. Ever since then, I been the camp.
I was homeless once. Ever since then, I been the tramp.
I once artificially boosted a thread. Ever since then, I been the bamp.
I was an inclined plane once. Ever sice then, I been the ramp.
I drank human blood once. Ever since then, I been the vamp.
I shed light on something once. Ever since then, I been the lamp.
Once I was moist. Ever since then, I been the damp.
I even hung onto something once. Ever since then, I been the clamp.
My offspring had kids. Ever sice then, I been the gramp.
I was even a unit of electricity. Ever since then, I been the amp.
Bruce is driving over the Sydney
Harbor Bridge one day when he
sees his girlfriend, Sheila about
to throw herself off. Bruce slams
on the brakes and yells, "Sheila,
what the hell d'ya think you're
doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear
in her eye and says, "G'day
Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and
so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat
when he hears this,looks her in
the eye and says "Strewth
Sheila... Not only are you a great
shag, but you're a real sport
too."