Cactus Storys

Share your storys that feature a cactus!!!


The Cactus Story
by Bartholomew J. Spanish

Once there was a cactus.
It didn't do much, because it was just a damn cactus in the middle of the fucking dessert.
A wild dog pissed on it once, but that's about it.

The End

My mothers' cunnilingus

My mother, she's like a whore
She does it with my sister
Yesterday I sliced bread
Bread motherfucker!
Bread!

Oh sorry stories that feature cactuses okay

Cacti in my mom's anus

My mom has like a cactus in her ass
Actually two cacti
My mother has sex with the cactus
That has sprouted from her ass
And she does it with my sister, too
My sister? She's the cactus!
Cactus motherfucker!
Cactus!

Nice, keep 'em coming, buys.

Cactus
I bought a cactus
It was very cheap
In street I saw a man
I said, buy a cactus too
But he said negatively
'no I don't like cactus'

So I take my pants
slap him with my cock
SLAP HIM WITH MY COCK AGAIN
TAKE HIS PANTS OFF
I FUCK HIM INTO ASS
I FUCK HIM INTO ASS

FUCK FUCK FUCK
I'M A FUCKING FAGGOT
I TAKE HIS BALLS INTO MY HAND
I CRUSH THEM
I CRUSH HIS BALLS
I'M NOT FUCKING FAGGOT
NOBODY CALLS ME FAGGOT
SO I TAKE THE CACTUS AND PUT IT INTO GUY'S ASS
FUCK THIS SHIT

>>5
AWESOME!!

MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>6
Ok, this time I make more family-friendly poem, it name is

Happy cactus and hearth-warming sibling-love

My brother was sad
So I got thought in my head
"I cheer him up!"
"I buy him a cactus!"

I went to shop
I gave few dollars
I bought a cactus
Cactus was green and spiky
"It was cool" I thought

I went to home and gave it to brother
He said "Wtf I'm gonna do with a cactus"
I said "It's a cool cactus"
"You can do anything with it"
But he said "You are retarded"

So I said "FUCK YOU!"
AND I TAKE MY PANTS OFF
I SHOW MY FURIOUSLY ERECTED PENIS
AND TAKE HIS PANTS OF TOO
I BEGIN FUCKING HIM INTO ASS
NEIGHBOUR SEES US AND JOINS IN
SO WE HAVE THREESOME WITH OLD GUY
WE ALL CUM ON WALLS
AND I LICK MY BROTHER'S ASSHOLE
OLD GUY LICKS MY BALLS
AND I CUM ALL OVER HIM
BEARS BURST OUT FROM WINDOW
WE FUCK THEM ALL INTO ASS
BEARS ARE COVERED IN CUM
ANIMAL PORN FUCK YEAH
SO WE GIVE THEM BLOWJOBS
AND I SAY FUCK YEAH BALLS
BALLS BALLS BALLS
I WANNA LICK YOUR BROTHER'S BALLS
FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAH
FAGGOTS
SHIT FUCK SHIT BALLS
FUCK YOU ALL!!!!

Well I bought my first cactus back when I was a child, and I have loved them ever since. (Almost as much as BloodRayne!) On one occasion though I walked into the shop and tried to buy the cactus I wanted but the salesperson was rude, annoying an used insulting language! Well I went to report it to the store admins but they just told me to 'get lost' and did not help me at all! I am still disgusted by this lacking of morals and propr disipline and I think I will be contacting the city admins so they can ban rude and harrassing behaviure from cactus shops.

I always wanted a parrot on my shoulder, like a pirate.  "Arrrr!"  But I'm too lazy to properly care for a pet, so no parrot.  But wait, I have an idea.  I can get a little cactus in a little pot, strap it onto some kind of holster, and put that spiky pal on my shoulder.  I did it, and ever since I been the champ.

I caught the horses eye, I grit my teeth and we began staring each other down for what seemed like hours. Finally I blinked, and the horse huffed dismissively before returning to gnawing at the sparse grass.

I felt such an incredible surge of anger building up inside me at having been beaten by such a stupid ugly animal that I ripped a baseball sized cactus out of the dusty ground, its prongs tearing at my skin, and threw it as hard as I could at the four legged cocksucker. I let loose an almighty yell, clenching my bloodied fist and waving it in the general direction of the horse while shouting gibberish at the sky.

The spiny missile slapped the horses leg and stayed hanging there for a second or two, leaving a red brown smear of horse blood in its wake. Shit I got an erection, and niggers niggers niggers. Raping me and the horse indiscriminately, goddamn, a swarm of niggers everywhere.

>>7

SUPER AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!


>>8

MASSIVE FAIL! GET LOST!

"You Need to Have an Iron Rear" - Jack Prelutsky

You need to have an iron rear
to sit upon a cactus,
or otherwise, at least a year
or very painful practice.

>>1
THIS IS BULLSHIT YOU FUCKING LIAR! THERE ARE NO DOGS ON THE DESERT.

>>13

It is the dog formely known as Desert Douwg.

MORE STOOOORYYYSSSS!!!!!!

MORE!

>>15
>>16
This is your school assignment, isn't it?

No.
MORE STORIES!

OFFICIAL NOTICE

A new board has been created to accommodate Cactus and stories thereof, so please post your Cactus-related material there:

http://dis.4chan.org/cac/

There was a young cactus from Damascus
Who had many a prick on his asscus
"Well 'tis better, I say"
"To have needles this way"
"Pointing out and not up my crevasstus

This is the best story I've heard in all my life!

Granted, I am only 10 months old.

there once was a guy
he like to play on teh telephone
he called people and said cactus
continuously

the end

AWESOME!! KEEP 'EM COMING!!

3 guys went to find a cactus blah blah
they found one blah blah
they fucked it blah blah
THE END!!!!!!

>>24

Lame. GTFO!

>>21
WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE

I ate a cactus
My prickly poop was brown and aloof
My brother thought it was a porcupine
He caressed it and tried to take care of it
He wondered why it showed no affection in return

He killed the porcupine poop
He killed it and now he is in jail

Taking it gently in the ass.

>>27

SUPER AWESOME!!!
MORE CACTUS!!

One day I was lonely, and put a little pink ribbon on my cactus.  She is so cute.  I love her.

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>>30

Your affinity for grids of letters offends me

>>31
Shut the fuck up before I make a grid of letters about YOU!

>>31 ... TOO LATE! :
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>>33
This is beyond lame.

>>34
Beat it or eat it, fuckface!

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lulz

YAY

>>36
epic win

No need to beat it. Everypost beats it so much fail is it, fuckface.

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