Newfag Needs Help

Okay, tech gurus, I've got a serious newfag issue in terms of learning how to website.

I know what I need to learn for front-end, but in looking at all the shit for back-end programming languages, I'm at a loss; everything states that no one program is "ultimate," because they're all "the best" according to what your needs are.

I need a programming language for a user-generated content website that's going to need a massive storage database for multimedia. Basically, if it would work for deviantart but with perhaps more muscle, that's what I need.

- Must handle thousands of users
- Must handle shittingdickloads of content
- Must have libraries and archives

So, anons, what backend programming language must I master to accomplish this?

How is your website going to have thousands of users and shittingdickloads of content when you know nothing about web development?

Haskell.
It's by far the best enterprise programming language.

This faggot has no idea what he's doing.

Haskell

read sicp. i haven't read it myself but they said it would solve all your problems

>>1
This has gotten people into trouble, e.g. Twitter, but try not to worry yourself with performance right now. From your post, it seems as if you lack programming experience, or at least with this particular area of programming.

Go easy on yourself and your creation at first, pick something which is easily used. Rails can let you push something out of the door quickly and learn as you go, even if it's somewhat hard to understand what you're actually doing. A kindred spirit (a curmudgeonly friend) says that Django is ``too complex'', but I doubt it'd be harder.

You probably already know that you should stay away from PHP.

If you insist on fixating on this before knowing what you'll be able to pull off, go with Java. At least you'll get help with ease.

If you really want to take a risk, though I can't recommend it from experience, Yesod, for Haskell, could be what you want. At least its server component seems to be blazing fast, and it's the ``safest'' (memory and type safe) language around which at least some people use, as it is for EXPERT PROGRAMMERS. Not many, though, and that's the risk. You should know why that's risky.

Perl.

>>7

btw, why nobody wrote an imageboard in ruby yet

>>7
Yesod
Shalo- eh this looks pretty cool.

>>9
Nobody has bothered to do this.

>>11
I will bother to do this, just to make your statement wrong.

I kinda feel sorry for the autistic guy who is compelled to give a serious, in-depth answer to everything (i.e. >>7 in this thread). It's a waste of his time where he could be doing something more productive, and actually decently.

>>13
>>7-kike is a fucking Jew with his Yesod/Haskell and type safe faggotry.

>>13
Look, I know that I could be being e/g/in troled XD every time I dish out advice on this shithole of a board, or that the little fucker will just ignore the advice. But you know what? Fuck it, I don't care. Trying to save face on an anonymous forum is the stupidest fucking thing ever, and I feel content enough to have made this place a little less shitty, even if it's followed by a 'w/e bro' or a 'lol i trol u'.

>>15
I admire what you do, but it just feels like a waste when you consider who you're doing it for.
I'm also surprised you haven't just packed up and left by now. I guess you secretly enjoy shitposting as much as I?

>>16
Shitposting is my non-guilty pleasure.

>>16,17
You need to eat shit and die. You are the cancer killing us.

>>18
You haven't posted anything of merit. Prove me wrong.

>>18
You are the cancer killing us.
le imageboard meam

>>15
If your heart is really where you say it is, Ruby? Java? Some fucking obscure Haskell lib? Why any of that shit and not something a little more, well, nevermind. At least you didn't suggest node fucking js, but hell it'll probably be what suits this ambitious little nigger's needs most since he knows nothing and thus will not care how fucktarded it is and will at least have the backing of jewgle.

the dubs are killing us

i like node.js for one reason, i like that js made and effort to break the bounds it was born in

>>13
He probably made the thread.

O-or at least that's what I do when I make threads like these.

>>1
I'm at a loss; everything states that no one program is "ultimate," because they're all "the best" according to what your needs are.
Like Common LISP‽:
http://cliki.net/
http://cliki.net/Current%20recommended%20libraries
http://cliki.net/Web

Your Daily Double:
Design what you actually want to accomplish first, and well done on paper. You might need more than one server/VPS. 'Might need to THEN read how too accomplish a proper File Management System across multiple servers you spawn around the world on the fly. There's lots of documentation online with multiple implementation. BigTable is the cheating way of doing it.

>>15
Node JS is surely better than Haskell. Just by virtue of having dynamic typing and eval.

i would like to know if php can replace javascript as a client side script.

one can use javascript to do all kinds of things like computing values in textboxes and check them for errors and so on. is it possible to use php in its stead?

lets say i want to make the client interactive without it having to go back to the server for each button pressed can i use php instead of javascript? and can i use it without first having to install a web server and php on the client because such a thing would of course be impractical for a project where the client can be somewhere in some internet cafe.

i suppose the question can be summed up in: are web browsers able to use either php or javascript for client side scripting without making any kind of fuss about it needing a web server or an installation of php or anything? this is of course if i only want to learn or use php and not both php and javascript but without me having to go to each internet cafe on earth and installing php on it.

browsers have built-in js interpreter, they don't have built-in php interpreter so you cannot use php instead of js

>>25
And no viable GUI library:
http://cliki.net/McCLIM
The current release is 0.9.6 (St. George's Day), released 2008-04-23.

>>29
Still today everyone seemingly uses JS+HTML for GUI, which poses a question: why there is still an X-Server?

>>21
What would you have suggested to a beginner? Some obscure Sepples shit which nobody uses, and which Segmentation fault (core dumped)

Or did you just feel bad about my remark on PHP?

I suggested Rails because I actually know it, and morons all over the world get by with it. If he ended up stuck, there's a million places where he could go and ask, and get an answer quickly.

If by this point you still think that my point with Yesod was that he should use it, you need some serious work on your reading comprehension.

>>31
Besides, you can get shitty shared hosting for Rails on the cheap nowadays.

cobol is the only way, op

not trolling

>>31
Your point on PHP is the one thing in your post I'm perfectly fine with. As for sepples, a few hosts use it for their backend. For example, one that hosts a large number of users that tend to spawn a decent amount of content with them: OkCupid. However now that I'm advocating sepples, but I don't see how more morons all over the world are getting by with rails more than sepples. Or rather, and much more specifically, I don't see these morons using rails to try to desperately make what sounds like an attempt at a facebook killer. I know you weren't ``suggesting'' it, but Haskell/Yesod as the provocative suggestion is interesting, considering 1 in 100 million people can actually use it for this situation. Why not just cut the bullshit at that point and use a Scheme and hire a young Mr. L. Calculus? Because you think your Yesod is better than what a Scheme wizard autism overlord would put together in the time this thread's been alive? "B-b-but muh maintainability" As if it matters in this case, if it works the first time and becomes something successful then naturally the OP would by then have all the experience, knowledge, and opinion to pick some enterprise scalably maintainable turkey bullshit the next time around, with collateral to sink into it.