C - Missionary position with the lights off.
C++ - Scat sex, with shit eating, shit fucking, and shit shitting.
BASIC - Masturbation while crying.
Common LISP - Riding a dildo while getting your dick sucked.
Python - Molesting a child and getting away with it.
x86 Assembly - Being bent over a barrel and fucked by hicks.
Symta - Dropping acid while at an orgy.
Ruby - Sex with a retard.
Perl - Molesting a child, then going to prison and getting raped by a fat nigger for five years, then getting killed in a riot, then having the mortician desecrate your corpse.
Scheme - Getting oral sex from an attractive woman.
Javascript - Getting assfucked bareback by several guys at a gifting party, absorbing all their nasty, HIV+ cum and dieing several years later.
Lua - Giving a golden shower.
HTML - Thinking about having sex, then thinking about something else because sex is yucky.
PHP - having a screwdriver pushed through your urethra.
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-04 20:25
Bash - getting prostate stimulation with a screwdriver. But at least you'll cum.
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-04 20:25
Java - Being raped and beaten in a dark alley.
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-04 20:28
`
>PARTY TIME
>Obvious sap never dances
>Girl takes me out to dance
>nope.jpg
>she sits there with me and tells me she likes me in a subtle way
>OH YEAH
>now can we dance anon? I'll teach you
>fucking ridiculous dancing, everyone staring at us
>shes ashamed
>never heard of her again
>she wants my dick
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-04 21:02
Verilog - Fucking your own onahole made out of cornstarch and superglue.
VHDL - >>8, but with mashed potatoes and a bundled dakimakura.
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-04 21:44
6502 Assembly - Great sex until you have to add 16 bit numbers. Then it's like fucking sandpaper.
ARM Assembly - Like getting a pretty decent handjob but the bitch talks too much so it takes you a long time to cum, but it's not too bad when all is said and done.
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-04 21:53
C is more like fooling around with an underage girl - you can't get anything else like it, but you can ruin yourself forever if you aren't careful.
x86 is like BSDM. Huge psychological payoff, but you have to let them beat you first.
>>8
Verilog is the dim rebound you end up with after C dumps you. She tries, but she just doesn't know how to do everything C could do for you.
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-04 22:33
Perl is like being molested by your uncle. There's something off about him, but everyone regards him very highly, so you trust him, and then on a family camping trip out at Montauk Point he takes advantage of you. Years later, you accept and acknowledge what happened, but you still refuse to believe that he's scarred you, because that would put him in control, not you, and the last thing you want is a molester in control of your life -- but your denial doesn't make it the truth. You want to believe that deep down inside, Perl is a good person, and you see that Perl has very redeeming qualities, but you sit down to try and program Perl and all you can think of is that camel's hard, throbbing cock.
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-04 22:37
16-bit x86 assembly - Converting to Judaism so you can marry an ugly Jewish woman with a mustache but then an Arab sniper puts a bullet in your brain as you leave the Synagogue.
32-bit x86 assembly - Fucking a rusty garbage disposal full of broken glass.
x86-64 assembly - Being raped by HIV-positive Arabs at Guantanamo the day before you're sentenced to death by firing squad.
ARM assembly - Sex with a goy who can speak little-endian Hebrew.
Batch files - Getting a blowjob from an octopus.
BASIC - Bill Gates handcuffs you to the bed and shows you his 3.5 inch floppy.
Scheme - The Sussman reads Talmud quotes and prefers a platonic relationship.
Python - Trying to have sex with an Aspie woman who will only do it if the sheets are properly positioned.
C - Sex with a retard, but she's fast.
Haskell - All sex must go through a Condom Monad.
Emacs Lisp - Masturbating to Stallman.
Visual Basic - Going home every night and masturbating onto an dakimakura and crying yourself to sleep.
Haskell - Picking up a whore, fucking her, then finding out that she used to be a man.
Brainfuck - Sticking your dick into a beehive.
C# - A pleasant experience at first, but she keeps contacting you. You want some space, but she won't leave you alone. One day, she shows up and tells you that she is pregnant, and you are hers for the next eighteen years.
Shell script - Murdering a bunch of whores, dismembering them, and sowing together what you thing are the best parts of each to have sex with.
Name:
Anonymous2013-02-05 0:24
HTML: inverting your 1 inch penis in the bath tub at age 6
BASIC: jacking off, but not actually coming
Java: your first proper lay, a huge fat girl with acne and bipolar disorder
C: sex with a really old, used up prostitute who gives you venereal disease
C++: being tied up by a dominatrix who reams your asshole out with a soda bottle and stomps on your balls with high heels