You wake up.
You are in a /prog/. There are doors to the east and west.
There is a table in front of you. On the table is a cat, an empty cons cell and a copy of SICP.
You feel slightly unwell. Maybe it's from all the amnesia. >
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-14 19:57
You see the cat laying on the floor
you pick up the cat
bludgeon it with a hammer
unzip your pants
>
"Faggot, faggot, faggot" they scream at you, lowering your defenses
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-15 14:15
>ignore trolls
You try to ignore the trolls, but fail. You engage in a thoughtful discussion with them that takes quite some time.
You are starving!
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-15 14:17
>post the angry programmer kopipe and leave
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-15 14:57
>A high level Troll appears.
He engages you in a carefully crafted discussion with built in logical fallacies and subtly introduced misconceptions about the merits of one programming language versus all the other.
You fail to save -vs- IQ.
You are now enraged!
>>15
Actually the attacker and the defender both roll with their troll skill as a modifier. IQ gives no protection against the troll skill, though an IQ under 85 qualifies you for the ''oblivious" ability, which makes you immune to sarcasm based attacks.
That's the first-edition rules, the new release adds the autism multiplier and special attacks like ``sockpuppet account", at the cost of making damage calculation more tedious, which is why my group disallows them for anonymous board campaigns.
The bearded man mumbles something about lambda knights.
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-16 6:05
>kick bearded man
You kick bearded man. He's dead now.
>e;e;e
You went east
You went east
You went east
You entered east end of /prog/: weaboo zone.
Every thread here contains at least one kanji and at least one ``faggot'' who likes to pretend that he knows Japanese, though in fact your cat knows japanese not worse that That Guy.
You see some guys.
Some guy(1) shouting "/b/に帰ってください"
Some guy(2) shouting ">I will not fail at quote"
>post "SAGE"
You succesfully posted message "SAGE" with empty name and email.
You have continued deeper into the weeaboo zone.
You find a deactivated loli catgirl sexbot with a note pinned to her sheer blouse that reads, "Sensei-sama, if you can programmu me in Ruby, I am yours forevar, nyaa~.
What do you do?
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-16 11:25
>programmu sexbot
Unfortunately, your extended stay just west of here has infected you with an aversion to Ruby. You will need to expose yourself to more of this eastern culture if you are to have fun with this loli.
You write all of this down in your journal.
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-16 12:14
>sit
You're sitting on ground now.
>read sicp slowly
You opened your SICP. As runic mysterious symbols come to your mind, you're beginning to understand what averts you from ruby.
Poison, that was planted by malicious snake, is destroying your mind, soul and body. There's no other way, but to kill that snake.
New goal: kill the python
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-16 13:09
>w;w;w;w;w
You go west
You are at the shack, next to the body of the dead bearded man. His sword is still there.
>take sword
You take the sword. It has an inscription in it. It says "No syntax" in ancient curved runes.
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-16 13:43
>examine body
You kneel down to look at the bearded man. You have a feeling he may have been an important character in this game...
... but the feeling passes.
In one of his pockets is a hastily-scribbled note.
>read note
You take the hastily-scribbled note.
The note appears to say "GUARANTEED TCO". There is also a crude drawing of the head of a snake.
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-17 8:17
>bampu pantsu
Your game thread returns to the front page where it belongs.
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-17 20:07
>eat fist
You're not frustrated enough to do that.
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-17 22:13
>grab dick
You grab the dick of the bearded man, but you are not sure why.
...though in fact your cat knows japanese not worse that That Guy.
>wield sword;e;e;e;s;conjure computer spirits with spells;(set! (state cat) alive);cat, teach me japanese;n;talk to that guy;e;e
Sword: wielded.
You went east.
You went east.
You went east.
You went south.
You conjure the spirits of the computer with your spells.
You change the cat's state to alive. You are a disgrace to functional programming.
The cat teaches you Japanese. Gained 310 weeaboo points.
You went north.
The weeaboo tells you about japanese culture. Gained 50 weeaboo points.
You went east.
You went east.
>look
You have continued deeper into the weeaboo zone.
You find a deactivated loli catgirl sexbot with a note pinned to her sheer blouse that reads, "Sensei-sama, if you can programmu me in Ruby, I am yours forevar, nyaa~.
You feel sufficiently weeaboo for this.
>
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-18 9:20
>program catgirl in ruby
you fail miserably, the catgirl becomes a troll
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-19 8:41
>talk to Troll
Feeling bolstered by your newly gained SICP and weaboo powers, you confront the Troll.
Before you cast any spel, the Troll gets on a tirade on how scientists will be replaced by artists.
You feel indignant.
>bash Troll with SICP
The radiant effigy of THE SUSSMAN, though tainted by the presence of the ANTI CUDDER ABELSON, burns the Troll and makes it reel!
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-19 10:13
reprogrammu the troll in Ruby
"U MENA HASKAL", he shouts.
attack he troll
"I'd just like to interject for a moment..."
Your blood pressure rises.
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-19 11:11
wield proprietary driver
You show the troll a compiled device driver with no source code. He disintegrates into a pile of parentheses.
Name:
Anonymous2010-12-19 11:21
grep parentheses
You spend an hour trying to decide whether they match, and if they do, just what do they match... but you fail.
Noam Chomsky appears and starts blabbering about automata.