How do I learned Lisp?

I have tried several times -- and FAILED UTTERLY. It felt like having a fetus shoved up your ass, and then having to shit it out while a big bad nigger is trying to shove it back up with his humongous cock. All while the fetus is growing at a steady pace.

Alright, what I need to know is:
1) How do I indented Lisp.
2) What dialect is "the best".
3) Minor programming project good for a stupid ignorant wapanese newbie.
4) PROTIPs.

Only serious inquiries, dear Sir or Madam.

UFFI is standard across all flavours except for CLisp. CLisp is inferior.

>>41

By a quick google search (web and usenet) and things people said in those results, it seems it's more like "UFFI doesn't support CLISP", not "CLISP doesn't support UFFI".

>>40
Whoa, LISP, academic? What decade are you living in?

>>43
Everything that required more intelligence than a java developer is academic, didn't you know?

>>43

Well find me a corporation I can work for that'll hire me for my LISP skills, that isn't merely a government subcontractor or research arm of some university, and I'll suck your dick, slappy.

>>45
Googl.......oh wait, they got taken over by lolololenterprisescalablebestpractises managers

>>46
Oh, what? Shit. I though they were great :(

>>47
Internally, google has been in a downward spiral since about 2003 or so

Shit. So, what happened to one of the best places to work ever? Don't tell me they managed to hire some retarded businessmen full of enterprise and scalability with his industry magazines and business conferences. I wonder how didn't Google collapse, it must've been really good to withstand two years of professional management. Damn. What'd be the model company now? One that's not ruled by business ruin-it-all idiots?

I swear these Java loving enterprise managers are like King Midas, only instead of Midas they are Mierdas, and turn to shit everything they touch.

>>49
Don't worry, they are still fine.

>>49 That's the direction EVERY company goes to eventually. Which is one reason why I personally avoid working in the industry (the other reason being that I suck. >.>)

>>46
They also hired Guido van Rossum to continue to make Python even worse than it already is. I think they're hoping it will evolve into Java so they can use it for Scalable Enterprise Best Practice Solution Paradigms or something.

2007 will be remembered as the year that google turns Pythonic. I will laugh at them.

2007 will be remembered as the year that google becomes self-aware. I will fear it.

2007 will be remembered as the year that google buys 4chan. moot will love it.

While I don't agree with everything that's going on with Python 3000 (and I don't know if lambda will finally be there or not, if not then boo, and the functional functions can always be moved to a module so they're not a problem), I have to say it's unfair to say it's enterprise.

It would take GvR a hundred years to turn Python into the kind of shit Java is, and I'd always prefer Python over Java without even stopping to think for a second.

>>53
Google is already Pythonic, there's nothing to do in this department.

>>54
If parts of Google are written in Python, it'll become self-aware. All Python methods are self-aware:
def method(self, params):
    self.property = ...
    etcSee? self-awareness.

Lisp = Lost in superflous parenthesis
Lips = Lost in pornographic sensation

i know....it's not funny, but i have to do it

LISP: Lame Illustrated Sickness Putty
LISP: Lame Invisible Security Polish
LISP: Language Incognito Sudden Perfect
LISP: Language Institute Super Putty
LISP: League Ipod Scumlog Protocol
LISP: Leftist Imperforated Shocking Platform
LISP: Left-wing Incognito Simple Plop
LISP: Liberation Incognito Super Putty
LISP: Liberation Internet Soft Protection
LISP: Licking Imperforated Software Pissing
LISP: Licking Imperforated Supple Plop
LISP: Light Institute Steaming Puntme
LISP: Light Italian Simple Php
LISP: Likes Illustrated Seventh Programmer
LISP: Likes Information Slick Preprocessor
LISP: Limited Imperforated Shocking Php
LISP: Limited Incorporated Sex Perfect
LISP: Limited Incorporated Slick Php
LISP: Linux Incognito Skinny Pope
LISP: Liquor Incorporated Sexy Pissing
LISP: Liquor Infant Sucking Protocol
LISP: Little Institute Scissors Perfect
LISP: Love Incognito Soviet Prostitute
LISP: Love Incorporated Security Php
LISP: Love Inspection Stallman Powerbook
LISP: Love Institute Software Polish
LISP: Love Invisible Sudden Purr
LISP: Lovely Incorporated Sixth Pipebomb
LISP: Lovely Incorporated Skinny Purr
LISP: Lowtax Illness Stallman Peckers

LISP: Love Intelligence Small Price

I just realized that there's a Lisp thread, and it's already tl;dr.

For learning Lisp (CL), I very highly recommend the classic "Common Lisp - A Gentle Introduction to Symbolic Computation" by David S. Touretzky. It's out of print and available as a free ebook from http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/LispBook/index.html

scheme is superior.

>>60
Great book that. I hardly ever see it recommended, but it's what rehabilitated me after 3 years of doing Java at uni.

>>61
(lisp? scheme)
#t

>>62
Scheme is better than Common Lisp which is really bloated. For one, CL's functions and variables have different namespaces which really irritates me.

>>63
Scheme and Common Lisp are both Lisp dialects.

Now that I've got my semantic pedantery out of the way; I agree with you in that I prefer Scheme's simplicity and single namespace; having to #' my symbols just to pass functions around is ugly ugly ugly. I wouldn't claim that makes Scheme better than CL though, I just prefer it. CL fans have their reasons for preferring CL.

>>64
Having to do (funcall something-thats-bound-to-a-function-value p1 p2 p3 p4 ...) instead of the kind without "funcall" is more explicit. The function variables in Scheme tend, in my experience, to get lost in the noise.

Though, letrec is kind of hard to beat in terms of being generic; CL has the labels form though so it's not all bad... but you still can't, to my knowledge, declare variables and functions in the same labels form.

Ohh by the way, anyone notice that we're discussing LISP on 4chan's discussion boards? Of all places? Hooray for blowing off steam on /b/!

damn i need to finish learning scheme. anyone know haskell?

>>66
Yeppers.
fact = "Learning haskell is " ++ rest
        where rest = "a mindjob and " ++ rest

>>1 is a hilarious post

>>68
I believe this is the longest thread I have created on world4chan, and I haven't read more than the first four replies or so ;)

If you want to do anything remotely useful, haskell is not for you. Ocaml is superior if you want a statically typed functional language.

Scheme is good for beginnners compared to Common Lisp because it's a lot simpler and not horrible ugly with all the hashes and keywords.

>>70


i am just getting into learning haskell. why can't i do anything remotely useful with it? (the only thing i know that is built with haskell is pugs)

>>71
From various comments I'm getting the idea Haskell is for theoretical fappage, but not to do any real work with.

>>72
The problem is most people's head asplode when they try to learn functional programming. Because they're stupid.

>>73
no. i'd say it's haskell's insistence on having no side effects at all.

main = getLine >>= putLine >> main

I just wrote 'cat'. No side effects you say?

>>75
Side effects? In *MY* PROGRAM????? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Lisp sucks sure there're pure functions in Lisp but it's not purely functional, it's multiparadigm, and it allows SIDE EFFECTS, whitch means that it is a PROCEDURAL language

>>77

multiparadigm = suck?

The problem with Lisp is that anything interesting you might be able to do with it, has already been done with it--and done better.

Wait. I just summed up programming languages in general OH SHI-

I guess that's it then, guys. Let's just pack up and go home. We're finished here.