LONDON — A recently published study by Cambridge University has found that using all caps and text speak when writing can cause mild retardation. Researchers studied a group of 50 people belonging to the age bracket of ten to 68 for eleven months by dividing the group into two smaller groups: one that would use regular language when chatting through an instant messenger, and another that would use all caps and internet slang. According to Michael Henley, PhD, one of the psychologists who were responsible for the study, the results were staggering: "When we first saw the results we could not comprehend how it could be possible that using all caps and 'txt speak' could have so dire effects on the mental health of a person. It showed that using 'txt speak' decreases a person's ability to spell words correctly, which is bad for it slows down the progress of a child or especially a teen and in some cases could even cause mild retardation. This in itself is a very alarming find."
The new study also found that in some cases capital letters and text speak, especially the combination of the two, could cause mild retardation in adults, not just teens whose brains are still developing. "What was most surprising," continues Michael Henley, "is the fact that adults can also be affected. We do not know what the mechanism behind this retardation is, but we do know the result."
Critics of the new study have debunked it as too premature, and have openly accused the group of psychologists that conducted the study of fabricating some of the results.
Experts said they hope that the new study will help unravel some of the mysteries still surrounding the enigmatic human brain which has been a hot topic among researchers in recent times.
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Anonymous2006-04-21 13:41
Bullshit research, people who write in all caps and "monkey english" are obviously already retarded.
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Anonymous2006-04-21 14:15
>>2
Yes. A worrying trend is that parents do not seem to care about the shit their young children are speaking in chat rooms. I for one would ensure my children use perfect English and grammar. Failure to do so would result in some kind of physical abuse.
The exception would of course be "MODH8R 4 LYFE"
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Anonymous2006-04-21 14:41
I CAN SEE WHERE YOU MAY WANT TO USE IT IN AIM, LIKE I DON'T KNOW, TO MAKE SURE ALL THE LETTERS ARE EASIER TO SEE AND QUICKER, NOT WITH THE IMPLICATION OF BEING PISSED OR TRYING TO YELL OVER THE INTERNET, JUST TRYING TO HELP THE CLARITY OF TEXT I SUPPOSE. WELL PERHAPS IT IS JUST LIKE THOSE WHO WRITE IN ALL LOWERCASE AND ALSO DON'T USE PUNCTUATION, TOO DAMN LAZY TO HIT SHIFT EVER, AND SO IT WOULD MERELY BE A MATTER OF WHICHEVER SIDE OF THE LOCK YOU WANT TO STICK WITH. OBVIOUSLY, IT ACTUALLY TAKES AWAY A FORM OF CLARITY IN THE LANGUAGE ITSELF, BUT THE TEXT IS OBVIOUSLY MUCH EASIER TO READ IN REGARDS SEEING SPEED. HOWEVER, THERE REALLY IS NO NEED FOR THIS SPEED. FOR ONE MOST PEOPLE HAVE VERY LITTLE READING COMPREHENSION TO BEGIN WITH, ALSO LET'S ADMIT IT, MOST PEOPLE DO NOT POSESS GREAT COGNATIVE THINKING MINDS AND SO THE TEXT THEY'RE UNIFYING IN SIZE ISN'T PRODUCED VERY WELL OR COMPOSED OF REALLY GRAND THROUGHTS IDEAS AND SUGGESTIONS TO BEGIN WITH. IT IS PRETTY HARD TO NOT TRY TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT FOR THAT FIRST BUTTON, I MUST SAY, PERHAPS EVEN THE FACT THAT THE TASK OF TYPING IS LESSENED MAKES THEIR CONSIDERATIONAL MIND FOR TEXT ALL TOGETHER BECOME WORSE, WHAT WITH GIVING IN TO ANOTHER LEVEL OF LAZYNESS. ALL THESE THINGS CAN LEAD TO A SLOWING IN PROCESS AND ALTERATION OF AIM OF THE MIND (AKA ACTIVE RETARDATION OF IT), HOWEVER I SOMEHOW FEEL THAT THE VIBE THAT IT IS GUARANTEED TO BE THE PERSON YELLING IF THEY ARE IN CAPS IS MORE CONNATIVE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, ESPECIALLY IN A PLACE LIKE 4CHAN LET ALONE VIPPER CENTRAL.
UH SORRY, I HAD TO WORRY ABOUT NOT HITTING SHIFT TOO MUCH, NO PAGEBREAKS FOR ANY OF YOU, YOU CAN BLAME CAPS FOR THAT. SO THEORY PROVEN.
so youre saying that any operating system should not alow typing in all caps because it could cause mild retardation?
OH SHIT WHAT ABOUT EULA LOLOL
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Anonymous2006-04-25 14:07
CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
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Anonymous2006-04-25 19:16
CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COBOL
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Anonymous2006-04-27 22:22
CONTROL LOCK IS COOL CONTROL FOR CAPS
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Anonymous2006-04-30 19:06
I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID I R RETERDID
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Anonymous2006-05-06 8:42
I CaN't EvEn YooSe CaPS PRoPeR!
TeeHEe.
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A wang2006-05-06 17:10
I LOVE THE CAPSIES,
IT MAKES THE WORLD BETTERER.
WE ALL NEED MORE CAPS.
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Anonymous2006-05-08 9:10
I IS UNRITARD I SMRTER THN EUU
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Anonymous2006-05-08 14:24
I DONT WANT TO BE RETARDED :(
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Anonymous2006-05-08 15:35
I ONLY USE SHIFT, WILL I STILL BECOME MILDLY RETARDED?
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Anonymous2006-05-08 18:39
What kind of scientist says this: "We do not know what the mechanism behind this retardation is, but we do know the result."
That's like: [i]"Duhhhhh...we don't know why it does it, but it does it!"[/i
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Anonymous2006-05-08 19:17 (sage)
>>16
All kinds of scientists. I hope you're joking
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Anonymous2006-05-10 2:39
>>16
Chemists, for example. A lot has been explained, but then there are still a few things where they go "we know that when we add this bunch of molecules to that bunch of molecules, something really funky happens and we get 10% of these types of molecules 20% of these and 69% of these and 1% of these
I WAS WORKIN OVER THE SUMMA AND I MET THIS GUY THERE....WHERE I STARTED TO GO TO HIS HOUSE ALMOST EVERYDAY....I REMEMBER IT WAS RAINING AND I TOLD HIM I WOULD COME OVER HIS HOUSE....N THEN HE TOLD ME THAT HIS MOM AND STEPDAD WAS GOIN ON VACATION DOWN SOUTH....SO I WENT TO HIS HOUSE...JUST ME AND HIM...MY PANTS WERE MET SO HE GAVE ME A SHORT TO PUT ON SO MY PANTS COULD DRY....THEN LIKE 2MINS LATER WE STARTED TO KISS...AND THEN HE ASKED ME AND I SAID OK....WHEN HE TRIED TO PUT IT INSIDE ME....IT WASN'T GOING...I FELT EMBARASSED....THEN HE TOOK IT BACK OUT AND FINGERED ME N THEN HE TRIED AGAIN AND IT STILL WASN'T GOING...N THEN I TOLD HIM TO STOP CUZ I WAS TOO TIRED....HE GOT MAD AT ME AND I CRIED CUZ I REALLY DID LIKE HIM....BUT AFTER SKOOL STARTED BACK WE BCAME DISTANT AND LOST WE CONTACT WIT EACH OTHA....I NO I DIDN'T HAVE SEX BUT IT WAS ALMOST BOND TO HAPPENED......!!
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Anonymous2006-05-16 17:20
ee cummings was a genius
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Anonymous2006-08-17 16:57
Hi guys... OP here. The whole news story was written by a 17-year-old Finnish high school student (= me) and is a work of fiction. There is no study about caps lock and txt speak causing mild retardation.
THE LATIN ALPHABET AS VSED BY THE ROMANS VAS VPPER CASE ONLY.
I DO NOT THINK THEY VERE RETARDED, QVITE THE OPPOSITE.
QVOD ERAT DEMONSTRANDVM.
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Anonymous2006-09-10 3:53
ROUTE REGULATER FOR RETARDATION
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Anonymous2006-09-10 7:23
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
OKAY WHAT'S THE RETARDATION RATE FOR COPYPASTAS??
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Anonymous2006-09-17 1:07
WOW IM SO WITTY FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS!
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Anonymous2006-09-17 7:29
>>40
So how come their Empire collapsed internally before the barbarian invasions? I BLAME UPPER CASE LETTERS!
I write in all caps. But I assure you that I'm not retarded. Hell, I'm a 16 year old highschool graduate, almost a sophmore in college, and about to start nursing school. So shove that up your asses. :]
Clever troll, I hope. I really hope there aren't any real scienticians who can go this terribly wrong. The correlation is obviously wrong; mild retardation causes the extensive use of cruise control and internet abbreviations.
oh no, don't set your reso or edit xorg.conf so it's big enough for your eyes to see, just get out there and shout how refucktarded y'are, no matter what you say
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