Study: using all caps causes mild retardation

LONDON — A recently published study by Cambridge University has found that using all caps and text speak when writing can cause mild retardation. Researchers studied a group of 50 people belonging to the age bracket of ten to 68 for eleven months by dividing the group into two smaller groups: one that would use regular language when chatting through an instant messenger, and another that would use all caps and internet slang. According to Michael Henley, PhD, one of the psychologists who were responsible for the study, the results were staggering: "When we first saw the results we could not comprehend how it could be possible that using all caps and 'txt speak' could have so dire effects on the mental health of a person. It showed that using 'txt speak' decreases a person's ability to spell words correctly, which is bad for it slows down the progress of a child or especially a teen and in some cases could even cause mild retardation. This in itself is a very alarming find."

The new study also found that in some cases capital letters and text speak, especially the combination of the two, could cause mild retardation in adults, not just teens whose brains are still developing. "What was most surprising," continues Michael Henley, "is the fact that adults can also be affected. We do not know what the mechanism behind this retardation is, but we do know the result."

Critics of the new study have debunked it as too premature, and have openly accused the group of psychologists that conducted the study of fabricating some of the results.

Experts said they hope that the new study will help unravel some of the mysteries still surrounding the enigmatic human brain which has been a hot topic among researchers in recent times.

I CAN SEE WHERE YOU MAY WANT TO USE IT IN AIM, LIKE I DON'T KNOW, TO MAKE SURE ALL THE LETTERS ARE EASIER TO SEE AND QUICKER, NOT WITH THE IMPLICATION OF BEING PISSED OR TRYING TO YELL OVER THE INTERNET, JUST TRYING TO HELP THE CLARITY OF TEXT I SUPPOSE. WELL PERHAPS IT IS JUST LIKE THOSE WHO WRITE IN ALL LOWERCASE AND ALSO DON'T USE PUNCTUATION, TOO DAMN LAZY TO HIT SHIFT EVER, AND SO IT WOULD MERELY BE A MATTER OF WHICHEVER SIDE OF THE LOCK YOU WANT TO STICK WITH. OBVIOUSLY, IT ACTUALLY TAKES AWAY A FORM OF CLARITY IN THE LANGUAGE ITSELF, BUT THE TEXT IS OBVIOUSLY MUCH EASIER TO READ IN REGARDS SEEING SPEED. HOWEVER, THERE REALLY IS NO NEED FOR THIS SPEED. FOR ONE MOST PEOPLE HAVE VERY LITTLE READING COMPREHENSION TO BEGIN WITH, ALSO LET'S ADMIT IT, MOST PEOPLE DO NOT POSESS GREAT COGNATIVE THINKING MINDS AND SO THE TEXT THEY'RE UNIFYING IN SIZE ISN'T PRODUCED VERY WELL OR COMPOSED OF REALLY GRAND THROUGHTS IDEAS AND SUGGESTIONS TO BEGIN WITH. IT IS PRETTY HARD TO NOT TRY TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT FOR THAT FIRST BUTTON, I MUST SAY, PERHAPS EVEN THE FACT THAT THE TASK OF TYPING IS LESSENED MAKES THEIR CONSIDERATIONAL MIND FOR TEXT ALL TOGETHER BECOME WORSE, WHAT WITH GIVING IN TO ANOTHER LEVEL OF LAZYNESS. ALL THESE THINGS CAN LEAD TO A SLOWING IN PROCESS AND ALTERATION OF AIM OF THE MIND (AKA ACTIVE RETARDATION OF IT), HOWEVER I SOMEHOW FEEL THAT THE VIBE THAT IT IS GUARANTEED TO BE THE PERSON YELLING IF THEY ARE IN CAPS IS MORE CONNATIVE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, ESPECIALLY IN A PLACE LIKE 4CHAN LET ALONE VIPPER CENTRAL.

UH SORRY, I HAD TO WORRY ABOUT NOT HITTING SHIFT TOO MUCH, NO PAGEBREAKS FOR ANY OF YOU, YOU CAN BLAME CAPS FOR THAT. SO THEORY PROVEN.