[OMG] My CACTUS story!!!!! [CACTI]

Once, when I was maybe 9 or 10, I was hiking up a mountain with my dad and some friends and slipped. I fell right into a cactus next to the path. I had to climb out of the cactus and back up onto the trail. I think I had over 20 needles in my legs.

The cactus saved me though. If I didn't fall into the cactus I would have fallen down the whole mountain, which would have hurt a lot more.

[b]Cactus[/b]
I bought a cactus
It was very cheap
In street I saw a man
I said, buy a cactus too
But he said negatively
'no I don't like cactus'

So I take my pants
slap him with my cock
SLAP HIM WITH MY COCK AGAIN
TAKE HIS PANTS OFF
I FUCK HIM INTO ASS
I FUCK HIM INTO ASS

FUCK FUCK FUCK
I'M A FUCKING FAGGOT
I TAKE HIS BALLS INTO MY HAND
I CRUSH THEM
I CRUSH HIS BALLS
I'M NOT FUCKING FAGGOT
NOBODY CALLS ME FAGGOT
SO I TAKE THE CACTUS AND PUT IT INTO GUY'S ASS
FUCK THIS SHIT

The Cactus Story
by Bartholomew J. Spanish

Once there was a cactus.
It didn't do much, because it was just a damn cactus in the middle of the fucking dessert.
A wild dog pissed on it once, but that's about it.

The End

    When I was around 12 or 13 years old I would always change into shorts with no underpants on when my Cactus came over. I would get a boner then lay on the couch, on my side, with one leg up so he could see my erect tween dong!

    I would watch him to see if they were looking but not directly. I used my peripheral vision to keep tabs on their gazes. My Cactus would look at it like like every 10 seconds. Whenever he looked at it I got even harder.

    He would spend the night all the time and we'd stay up late. One time we were watching a movie and we were all under the blankets together (it was winter). Naturally I was free balling in shorts again. I positioned myself so that if I got hard it would touch his thigh.

    Then I started thinking the sexiest thoughts that a kid that age could think of. I could feel my bone growing and reaching out towards his leg. Finally the tip made contact with his thigh and he moved it away. I moved ever so slightly. I mean you could hardly tell I had moved at all and it was touching him again. He moved again. I was devastated and had pretty much given up.

    I went back to watching the movie. About 15 minutes later he rolled over so that her body was facing mine. He moved her hands forward underneath the blankets and accidentally touched my cock. Then something amazing happened! And now I can talk to animals! It's really cool!! But a complete secret... and you know what? Life's never been the same!

>>4
tween dong LOL

>>4
needs more cactus

Arid Noir

The night air had a sting to it, like the wind-driven desert sands had felt against my succulent integument.  I squinted out the open window, past my leftarm needles, blearily trying to gauge the time from the moon's position.  That was a skill I had learned from many lonely hours in my youth, in the open air, my roots sandily ensconced, and my arms upraised to that same moon.

A sudden rapping alerted me.  Someone was knocking on my door.  And from the backlighting from the hallway, I could tell it was a dame.  But from her spiky curves, I could tell it was more than a dame.

It was trouble.

I'm Ned Dulle, Private Eye, cactus.

Happy cactus and hearth-warming sibling-love

My brother was sad
So I got thought in my head
"I cheer him up!"
"I buy him a cactus!"

I went to shop
I gave few dollars
I bought a cactus
Cactus was green and spiky
"It was cool" I thought

I went to home and gave it to brother
He said "Wtf I'm gonna do with a cactus"
I said "It's a cool cactus"
"You can do anything with it"
But he said "You are retarded"

So I said "FUCK YOU!"
AND I TAKE MY PANTS OFF
I SHOW MY FURIOUSLY ERECTED PENIS
AND TAKE HIS PANTS OF TOO
I BEGIN FUCKING HIM INTO ASS
NEIGHBOUR SEES US AND JOINS IN
SO WE HAVE THREESOME WITH OLD GUY
WE ALL CUM ON WALLS
AND I LICK MY BROTHER'S ASSHOLE
OLD GUY LICKS MY BALLS
AND I CUM ALL OVER HIM
BEARS BURST OUT FROM WINDOW
WE FUCK THEM ALL INTO ASS
BEARS ARE COVERED IN CUM
ANIMAL PORN FUCK YEAH
SO WE GIVE THEM BLOWJOBS
AND I SAY FUCK YEAH BALLS
BALLS BALLS BALLS
I WANNA LICK YOUR BROTHER'S BALLS
FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAH
FAGGOTS
SHIT FUCK SHIT BALLS
FUCK YOU ALL!!!!

>>8
"Furiously erected penis"?  LITERARY WIN.

More Cactus stories.

Yesh, my favorite cactus story was about a long hike in the woods my boyfriend and I came across a field of cacti (the little round ones), and noticed that they looked kinda familiar. So my boyfriend prick's his finger on a few of the needles and sure enough, it's peoti. So, as a joke, I say, "Hey, why don't we try putting the smaller ones up our butts for shits and giggles?" The crazy man agrees and picks up a few and puts them up his ass until he can't get any more in. So, he's bleedin from his ass, he's as high as the moon, singing and dancing, spraying his shit and piss everywhere. So, I ask him to give me some love and he gets down on his hands and knees and sucks my cock like he's got a craving for it. Just as I'm about to cum into the back of his throat, the son-of-a-bitch puts one of those fucking cacti right up my shoot and I blasted him right in the back of his throat. He started choking, I'm screaming about my ass in pain and starting to feel better, he's spewing out cum and lunch, and if it couldn't get any worse, fuck-nuts stumbles towards me and we both fall ass-naked into this harry patch of cacti. 36 hours later, we are life-flighted out to a hostpital, my buddy is nowhere to be found, I've got cactus up the ass, I'm high as the fucking stars, it was one giant collossul grade-a fucking nightmare. After that, we decided that we would never do that again as long as we live. My friend died three days later laying in that damned patch surrounded and filled with cactus right up into his small intestine.

>>11
That reminds me of a Uncle Remus story my granpappy would tell.