i don't really have any friends

i hang out with people but i don't feel like they're proper friends - there isn't anyone i know that i regularly make plans to do stuff every week or just talk on the phone with. it's always the occasional party, get together or movies but i don't really have a close bond with these people.

for the better part of my life i've always felt an existential lonliness even when i'm engaged in social activities around other people because i've never felt that there was someone i could truly be honest about things like my problems, and not trivial ones. for one year i was close friends with someone but we've moved apart. there probably isn't any solution to this, after all, man is a lonely creature, and i've pretty much accepted this.. but it would be nice if there were people who know what im talkin about!

>>40
>>i've met so many people with a take-it-or-leave-it attitude; if you're there you'll get along fine but they won't bother organising things or getting in touch unless you do it.

I'm like that a lot I guess. Or I used to be. I had some of the greatest friends anyone could want, but gave them up for something stupid like online games and the Internet in general. These days I don't have my friends anymore. What I gave them up for? Nothing that I care about anymore. That must sound pretty stupid, but I know I'm not the only one like that. Never hide stuff from your friends. Let them in on what you do and they might even enjoy it and partake in it with you. Instead of keeping everything to yourself and doing something you'll regret later. This isn't a pitty party or anything though. I'll admit that I deserve to be friendless now.

>>41
it's not that hard to make a phone call to see how someone's been lately. i suppose you kind of need to care, too, or its pointless. anyway, i agree with your post. a lot of people arent interested in getting to know others on a deeper level because hey, they know so many people already.

the more i think about it, the more i realise that cities and urbanisation keep people from making friends. these days we have tons of contacts and few close friends.
in the old days of primitive societies we had a primary group of adults who stuck by each other for life, and the members knew each other on core levels.
today the only way adults can truly know one another is by marrying someone, and the rest of the time our social interaction is just superficial flitting between one person and another. it's quite sad.
we're all spread out but crowded with strangers, and unable to invest our time in forming close bonds based on loyalty and familiarity.

Long post is long, but since I've been through this and seen the other side I wanted to share since it might help >>1 and others do the same.

This was my life in HS and it sucked.  I was lucky enough to change that when I got to college, but honestly you either need a major life event or some real perseverance to pull this off.

Landing a big job you always wanted will do it.  Quitting and taking a job doing something else because you're unhappy might not.  Getting involved with a church group or service organization planning a big event and having it be a huge success can do it.  Showing up just for regular meetings (like being in a bible study or being a regular member of a community service group that's just doing, say, recycling) probably won't.

Why is this?  Major life events tend to drag you out of the kind of sulk you wind up in when you don't feel like you have close friends.  That's really key, because not having enough social interaction kills whatever energy or outgoingness you have.  It's like depression, only social instead of clinical.  Get over that and you discover that other people take more interest in you -- after all, what they want out of life is to have a group of friends who understand them too.

right now i think many people cant make true friends, many just use others, greed right now ruins lives, maybe im the only on in my whole city who doesnt care about money, most of the people here only care about money, they use others. i cant make any true friends with people who do that, i know i been used many times for help and HW in school. i think we cant make any friends any more, not true friends any way

i don't have friends, but that's because i don't want any. :O

>>That's really key, because not having enough social interaction kills whatever energy or outgoingness you have.

Agreed. I think that's a lot of the problem with some people. They give it up for a bit and just give up caring. It's really sad too. I used to be one of those people who thought I was different. I told myself that I didn't need any friends. This thinking will only get you stuck in a larger hole than you're already in. Some people can't make friends easily because they aren't outgoing enough, or things like the computer suck up all their interest. They tell themselves they don't want friends because they've come to realize that making friends requires them to act, and they just don't care. They'll either someday realize what they're missing, or they'll end up a selfish empty shell of a human. Human interaction.. Remember what it's like?

As for making "good" friends you just have to use your intuition. You'll know if they're only using you.. If they are, drop them like a bad habbit. I'm not young anymore and I don't have the luxury of being sheltered and protected by my parents. My thinking has also changed a lot. I guess you could say it matured and I got a lot less selfish than I used to be. I'm not sure what more I could ask for than a good friend at this point.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy