japfags

hey /lang/ I need help translating Nietsche's phrase in Beyond Good and Evil "He who fights with monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you".

How does「怪物と戦うときは気をつけなさい。あなたが闇を見るとき、闇もまたあなたを見ている」sounds like?

 I don't seem to get the same feeling as when reading it in english (implying obviously it's already a translation from the original text).

I might go with something like this.

「お化けと戦ったら,お化けになれないように用心しなければなりません。　暗闇の中にじっと見ながら、暗闇はあなたの心が見れる。」

I would use　獣　or 怪獣 instead of　怪物 or　化け物, as the latter tend to mean supernatural entities. Obviously the nuance is encompassed in English but Nietzsche is really talking about humans here. 

「怪物と戦うときは気をつけなさい。あなたが闇を見るとき、闇もまたあなたを見ている」

Is a little plain and sounds like a mother admonishing her child for playing with monsters and looking at darkness.

「お化けと戦ったら,お化けになれないように用心しなければなりません。暗闇の中にじっと見ながら、暗闇はあなたの心が見れる。」

Is better but still a little preachy with しなければなりません. The latter half is a little unclear as it doesn't really say WHAT it is you're looking at.

My offer:
怪獣と戦う人間はそれ相応に自分自身が怪獣にならないよう心がけるべきである。深淵を眺めすぎると、その深淵も自分の心を眺め返す。

>>3
is 深淵 ok to use for a darkness kind of abyss? I thought it was typically a literal ravine or crack in the earth.

Guess I'll give my take　as well.

怪獣と戦う人間はそのまま怪獣に堕落しないように気を付けなければならない。暗黒に眺めすぎると、暗黒もその視線を返す。

>>4
Yes.

And you're "take" is pretty awkward and incorrect in parts.

>>5
Could you explain further?

>>6
Neither 堕落（する）or　眺める　take the に particle.

そのまま is unclear here

>>7
堕落 is totally capable of taking the に particle but I agree that I fucked up with 眺める. However I think your それ相応に is just as awkward and unclear.

>>8
それ相応に makes much more sense than そのまま

It's the difference between "accordingly/as a due result/naturally" and "as it is/in the same way,form/without change"

Those are very different ideas.

>>8
に　can be used grammatically but it is HARDLY ever used simply because it just sounds awkward. The most natural is 怪獣になって堕落する
>>9
(それ)相応に is fine at first glance but if you think about it, it is a little out of place.