Every morning is the same here: I get up. I check the status reports on the perimeter...
My mom used to teach me that every animal is like a human being, just with a different body shape, and to an extent that is true. They're a lot like us.
At the same time, I know I'm different than them. I know better than them - what's healthy for them and not. If possible, I take care of them when they can't take care of themselves.
They're still wild animals, though. No matter how much you think you "bond" with them, there's always a danger when you spend time with them, and then there's the decay, which makes them even more inpredictable.
I'm at the eye of the storm, and all around my outpost, as far as the eye can see, she reigns her quiet reign of mutation and insanity. They don't even know what is happening to them. I wish I could tell them, but my communication skills are inadequate.
...so I watch them bang their head against the fences, sometimes tearing open big holes in them. I watch them eat their stillborn. I watch them just collapse and die from starvation without moving. I keep telling myself that I'm not personally responsible for it, but somehow I spend every day trying to repent for it.
February 18th
Found a collapsed female that was starving. I tried to give her some food, but she completely ignored it. She kept banging her head against the ground, as if she wanted to kill herself, or knock herself out. I didn't stick around until she was done, but the side of her head looked pretty bad.
Name:
VIPPER2013-02-21 2:55
February 21th
It's been pretty quiet lately, without any sightings, but as I took one of my morning strolls, I encountered one of them standing by the roadside. She was all tensed up, nervously staring at me, probably because she was in pain. As I passed by, she pressed up against the nearby fence, and when I had passed, she moved away while probably tearing her skin against it. As I stopped for a break, I heard her get really spooked behind me, followed by the sound of her body hitting the fence. A male had approached her from behind, and she had been so spooked by him that she had jumped straight into the fence, probably hurting herself even more.
Sometimes I get the feeling that it's me that they're spooked by. I'm the only one of my kind here, and I don't act like I'm injured, and I guess that makes me the weird one.
Name:
VIPPER2013-02-25 18:56
February 25th
Some times a skindeep wound in the wrong place can be fatal, especially if your immune system is already strained, because untreated wounds can become infected, and that infection can spread further. I have a supply of darts, but I need to save them for as long as possible, so that's why I decided to wrestle one of them today. You basically get close to them, and then you grab a firm headlock from the side, and don't let go until they've calmed down. Not recommended for healthy male ones, but fatigued females is another matter. Once they've exhausted themselves, they understand that you're in charge (and that you won't hurt them) and grudgingly submit. After that, you are free to clean the wound.
I'll try to check up on her in a week to see how she's doing. She doesn't look healthy overall, but she's still the healthiest one I've seen this whole month.
Name:
VIPPER2013-03-07 12:57
March 7th
I checked up on her yesterday, and she was doing better than I had expected. The wound was almost healed, and she's in much better condition than before.
Had to evade a pack of rabid young males a few days ago, foaming mouths and everything. I can't remember the last time I was attacked by any of them. Usually the aggressive ones just attack other animals, maybe because there's simply more of them, and I'm not walking about in the open around the clock like they are. I'm considering putting them down before they harm other ones. I was armed at the time, but I was too hesitant about it. Maybe I would be more determined if they were the only ones sick around here.
Also saw a female in heat, which is off season, so I didn't see anybody really interested in her.
Name:
VIPPER2013-03-07 13:34
What in the hell animal are you talking about? Hell, what are you talking about period?
As I suspected, this diary hasn't been regular. Writing a diary is like talking to oneself: Only nutters write them, and I only feel the need to self-reflect periodically.
There are other ways to cure loneliness, though: Mating calls. You broadcast them through the speakers long enough, and you've got company. If you play the female one to attract the males, they'll only fight and threaten to damage the outpost, so you only play the male one to attract the females, who are a lot friendlier. I gathered two of them yesterday, and although I wrote they were friendlier, you can still get two rows of eager teeth suddenly reaching for your groin when you least expect it, so if you want to keep your nuts you better be careful around them. ...but the one I treated was somewhat domesticated even. She's probably sticking around until tomorrow.
Other than that, I've wasted the whole day just slicking off. It's a mess around here, mostly due to the dirty laundry on the floor. It's not like anybody's going to come over, but an outpost should be tidy and organized. I'll see about that tomorrow.
I am trying to type this quietly. It's in the middle of the night, and a pack of predators are stalking outside the outpost. Me and these things have a history. I used to have a daughter, and kids make noises that attract attention, so those things managed to climb the outpost and got in here, and I woke up to seeing her get torn up and her body carried off into the night. She was gone, just like that. There's no real protection from these things, and it was just sheer luck that they settled for just her. I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight.
Name:
VIPPER2013-03-14 19:08
>>13
It was lucky that they killed your daughter instead of you?
Your a piece of shit.
They stuck around the whole night, and finally left at dawn. Am I a piece of shit for calling myself lucky to be alive while my daughter is dead? No, my daughter is a piece of shit, probably decomposed into plain earth, and dried up into just dust in the wind by now. There are more valiant men than me - no doubt about it. Valiant men that would happily throw themselves to their deaths for useless causes. You need to know who's the boss around these parts, and it sure as hell ain't man. If a pack of those things would want to take turns fucking you in the ass, you do your best to squeeze massage their shafts with your colon if you know what's good for you. If you don't, then I'll make sure that your mother understands just how valiant you died.
...but I'm not sure I know what's good for me anymore, to tell you the truth. I really don't. To hell with it all. She's won, and I'm just watching her slow celebration as it devours the corpses. Some are blind. Some are mute. Some are deaf.
I spent the entire day collecting their urine today, which may sound easier than it is. You need it if you ever want to get close to a herd of them, because your scent makes them nervous and agitated, and sometimes outright hostile towards you. Rubbing urine into your skin actually stings worse than it smells, but you get used to it. Hopefully I'll fit in as "a piece of urine" tomorrow.
Name:
VIPPER2013-03-18 22:16
Bumping to top for OP
Name:
VIPPER2013-03-19 2:08
I THINK I LOVE OP
Name:
VIPPER2013-03-20 8:48
March 20th
I'm back from spending a few days outdoors, studying herd behavior and so on. Together as herds these erratic animals make much more sense, because they're all correcting eachother most of the time.
I also spent some time with the familiar domesticated one, and got a lesson in trust from her. There's nobody else around here to talk to, so I spent quite some time talking to her about all sorts of things, explaining that it was the governments of my spieces that had ultimately caused their decay, my life story, the uncertainty of their future, what I jerk off to, and so on, and although she understood exactly jack shit of that, I think she really enjoyed my company.
...and then today she ran off, as if she had no idea of who I was anymore. The decay had made me just a stranger again, who she'd never met. I lost a friend today, and it kind of hurts. I really thought she wouldn't be as affected as the rest.
Name:
VIPPER2013-04-05 3:21
April 5th
I tried to tell you. I wrote entries, but I just couldn't bring myself to post them. They fired me. Said my reports were getting too erratic. Asked about my health. Fuck them! They don't understand. She's inside me! She's eating me from the inside! I'm in bloom! My flesh is unraveling. So many possibilities! My mind is torn open, and I can see a beautiful landscape through the opening. I wish I could tell you what I see, but they wouldn't understand what I've become.
Name:
VIPPER2013-04-18 19:43
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Name:
VIPPER2013-04-18 19:54
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VIPPER2013-04-18 20:01
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Name:
VIPPER2013-06-29 21:57
I don't really get what happened.
Name:
VIPPER2013-09-15 10:41
>>11
I cure my loneliness by reading others inner thoughts, no matter how pretentious, retarded, autistic, feeling of being entitled, immature angst, arrogant, generic thoughts and problems, dumb philosophical thoughts, stupid worries, lack of empathy, ignorant on a subject, or stupid it can be. I like to see what people really think and it feels like I am a the rapist who can charge a shitass of cash to give you some drugs that you'll just abuse anyway and post about it on the internet.