Diary

Every morning is the same here: I get up. I check the status reports on the perimeter...

My mom used to teach me that every animal is like a human being, just with a different body shape, and to an extent that is true. They're a lot like us.
At the same time, I know I'm different than them. I know better than them - what's healthy for them and not. If possible, I take care of them when they can't take care of themselves.
They're still wild animals, though. No matter how much you think you "bond" with them, there's always a danger when you spend time with them, and then there's the decay, which makes them even more inpredictable.

I'm at the eye of the storm, and all around my outpost, as far as the eye can see, she reigns her quiet reign of mutation and insanity. They don't even know what is happening to them. I wish I could tell them, but my communication skills are inadequate.

...so I watch them bang their head against the fences, sometimes tearing open big holes in them. I watch them eat their stillborn. I watch them just collapse and die from starvation without moving. I keep telling myself that I'm not personally responsible for it, but somehow I spend every day trying to repent for it.


February 18th

Found a collapsed female that was starving. I tried to give her some food, but she completely ignored it. She kept banging her head against the ground, as if she wanted to kill herself, or knock herself out. I didn't stick around until she was done, but the side of her head looked pretty bad.

March 11th

As I suspected, this diary hasn't been regular. Writing a diary is like talking to oneself: Only nutters write them, and I only feel the need to self-reflect periodically.

There are other ways to cure loneliness, though: Mating calls. You broadcast them through the speakers long enough, and you've got company. If you play the female one to attract the males, they'll only fight and threaten to damage the outpost, so you only play the male one to attract the females, who are a lot friendlier. I gathered two of them yesterday, and although I wrote they were friendlier, you can still get two rows of eager teeth suddenly reaching for your groin when you least expect it, so if you want to keep your nuts you better be careful around them. ...but the one I treated was somewhat domesticated even. She's probably sticking around until tomorrow.

Other than that, I've wasted the whole day just slicking off. It's a mess around here, mostly due to the dirty laundry on the floor. It's not like anybody's going to come over, but an outpost should be tidy and organized. I'll see about that tomorrow.