George_Zimmer Journal

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. IM HERE TO TELL YOU ALL OF MY AMAZING STORIES THAT MANY HEARD, BUT OTHERS DIDNT. SO I HAVE OFFICIALLY FOUNDED THIS THREAD WHICH WILL BE CONSTANTLY UPDATED WITH MY GREATEST HITS. I GUARANTEE IT.

>>120

Stop posting.

>>120
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. SOME DAYS I TELL MY DAUGHTER HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM IN HER JUST TO MAKE HER CRY. WHILE SHE SOBS, I EXPOSE MY MASSIVE MOUND OF MAN MUTTON AND THRUST IT TRIUMPHANTLY INTO HER PUDDING POT, GRUNTING LIKE A BEAR THE WHOLE TIME. BY 6:30 TONIGHT SHE'LL BE CRYING TEARS MADE OF MY WONDERFUL WHITE LOVE LOTION, AND SHE'LL BEG FOR MORE. IT'S ALWAYS BETTER WHEN THE GIRL IS CRYING. I GUARANTEE IT.

fixed

HI.. I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE.  YOU MIGHT OF HEARD OF ME FROM SUCH MOVIES AS: THREE BABIES AND THEN THE MAIN COURSE; THE PREDATOR AND THE PRESCHOOL; A PREACHERS PRIDE; THE RETURN OF THE PREACHER: THE UNTOLD TOUCHING.  IN THE PROCESS OF SPANKING MY 14 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER I NOTICED THAT SHE WAS WEARING A THINY SHEER WHITE THONG.  WITH THE GRACE OF A CARRIER PIDGEON AND THE STRENGTH OF AN OX, I THREW HER BODY SKYWARD WHILE SIMULTANIOUSLY DISROBING FROM THE WAIST DOWN AND LEAPING AFTER HER.  MY THIRTYELEVEN CLONES APPEARED ONE AFTER ANOTHER THROWING ME FASTER AND HIGHER ONE BY ONE.  MOMENTS LATER I WAS PIERCING HER SWEET UNTOUCHED FOLDS WITH MY BIG AND TALL COCK WITH THE SKILL THAT COMES OF MY PROFESSION.  HER BODY TREMBLED WITH PLEASURE BEFORE BEING BLASTED INTO ORBIT LIKE A BOTTLEROCKET FILLED WITH MY CUM.  CLOUD DIES. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI.. I'M GOERGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. IM FAT!!!

HI.. I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THIS THREAD. I GUARANTEE IT.

Do I win?

HI, I'M LEXINGTON STEELE, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEAN'S WEARHOUSE. I'LL STUFF MY ENORMOUS TESTICLES INTO YOUR ASS AND JAM MY THROBBING BLACK SAUSAGE INTO YOUR PUSSY, THEN YANK THEM OUT WHILE I SHOOT MY MASSIVE LOAD ALL UP INS YOU. BOOYA. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI, I’M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN’S WEARHOUSE. I’VE GOT HALF A MIND TO STEP FOOT ABOARD MY FANTASTICALLY FRENETIC FLUGZEUG, WHICH WILL BE THE VEHICLE OF YOUR DESTRUCTION AS MY PILOT FLIES DIRECTLY OVER YOUR HOUSE. AS I WAIT FOR MY CHANCE AT REVENGE, A TRIO OF STEWARDESSES CLAD ONLY IN HIGH HEELS WILL SOON FIND THEMSELVES CLAD ALSO IN A THICK LAYER OF MY NUTRITIOUS NUT NAPALM. ONCE SITUATED OVER YOUR HOME, I WILL JUMP FROM THE PLANE, CLAD ONLY IN THE FINEST, MOST DAPPER SUIT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. THE VERY HAND OF GOD HERSELF, WHO RELIES ON ME DAILY FOR HER ZIMMERGASMS, WILL PREVENT MY INJURY AS I CRASH INTO YOUR PATHETIC ABODE, SLAYING YOUR PARENTS ON MY DESCENT INTO YOUR BASEMENT DOMAIN WITH MY FULLY ERECT /B/TARD BLUDGEON LEADING THE WAY. I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH MY TERRIFYINGLY TRIUMPHANT TESTICLE TRUNCHEON. AFTER I’M DONE, I’LL USE IT TO POLE-VAULT BACK UP INTO MY PLANE. I'LL BE USING YOUR PUCKERED ASSHOLE AS A PIVOT. I GUARANTEE IT.

GEORGE ZIMMER I AM, GUARANTEE IT, I DO.

>>128
128 GET

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. TONIGHT I HAD A NUDIST WOMAN VISIT ME AT MY HOME. THOUGH I AM NOT PARTIAL TO REMOVING MY FINE SUIT WITHOUT NEED, I DID SO ANYWAY, OUT OF RESPECT FOR MY GUEST. WE HAD A GREAT NIGHT AU NATURAL, EATING ICE CREAM AND TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN. AT ONE POINT DURING THE NIGHT, THOUGH, SHE VERY OBVIOUSLY GOT AROUSED, AND MADE A LARGE PUDDLE ON MY CHAIR. THOUGH SHE TRIED TO PASS IT OFF AS SPILLED ICE CREAM, I KNEW BETTER. IMMEDIATELY I LEAPT UPON HER, THRUSTING MY WELL-POLISHED MAN CANNON INTO HER EAGER TOILET TACO. MINUTES, NAY, HOURS PASSED AS I POUNDED HER TO A DRIPPING WET MASH OF ECSTACY, UNTIL I WITHDREW, DRENCHING HER FLESH WITH A TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR OF MILKY WHITE CROTCH PUTTY. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER- FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. IN THE PAST, IT'S BEEN IMPLIED THAT BECAUSE OF THE RIDICULOUSLY HIGH QUALITY OF MY FINE SUITS THAT I'M ONE TO REMAIN IN THE COMFORTS OF CIVILIZATION AND NOT SOJOURN INTO THE WILD NATURE LIKE THE WILDLY ENDOWED CRO-MAGNON MAN I AM. I'D LIKE TO DISPROVE THESE RUMORS RIGHT OUT. THE LAST TIME I TRAVELED INTO THE AMAZON RAINFOREST, I WAS ACCOSTED BY A TRIBE OF ABORIGINES, AN ANCIENT CIVILIZATION OF LOST MAYANS WHO HAD SOMEHOW ESCAPED CORTEZ. FASCINATED BY THE DEVELOPMENT OF THEIR CULTURE, I REALIZED AS THEY OFFERED ME A SIMPLE MEAL OF BRAZED BEAN CURD AND A YOUNG, EFFEMINATE MALE LOVE SLAVE THAT IF THEIR SIMPLE PARADISE WERE DISCOVERED BY GREATER CIVILIZATION IT WOULD BE FOREVER DESTROYED, THE GOVERNMENTS OF THE WORLD TOPPLING AS PEOPLE ROSE UP IN ANGER AS THE SECRETS OF THIS JUNGLE CIVILIZATION EXPLAINED THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE. AT THIS REALIZATION, I TRAVELLED TO THE CEREMONY THAT WOULD DECLARE ME THEIR GOD. CAREFULLY DRINKING THE BLOOD OF AN OX SO AS NOT TO SPILL ANY AND RUIN MY FINE SUIT, I LAID DOWN THE HUMAN SKULL AND DREW MY PREHENSILE MANACONDA. THE ABORIGINES COWERED IN TERROR AS ONE BY ONE THEY WERE SMOTE, SOME IN FIRE FROM THE HEAT OF MY DEADLY CANNONBALLS, SOME WERE GRINDED TO A FINE PASTE IN A SINGLE MIGHTY BLOW OF MY CUNTBOY-KILLER, AND STILL OTHERS DROWNED IN A GREATY RIVER OF GEORGE'S SPECIAL GRAVY. AS THEIR CIVILIZATION LAY BURNING, MY LUST WAS STILL NOT SATED. I SODOMIZED MANY ANIMALS ON MY RETURN TRIP, AND THE ENTIRE CITY OF RIO DE JANEIRO BEFORE I FELT I COULD RETURN HOME. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. TONIGHT, AFTER CLOSING THE STORE, I ESCORTED A VERY YOUNG VIRGIN TO HER CAR. AS SHE TURNED AROUND TO UNLOCK HER CAR, I UNLEASHED MY GIGANTIC MAN MEAT ON HER JUICY TREASURE. IN A MATTER OF SECONDS, HER HOLE WAS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH MY LOVE POTION. AFTER SHE RELIZED WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED, SHE IGNORED ME AND CLIMBED INTO HER CAR. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. THIS THREAD IS THE MOST GROTESQUELY FUCKED UP THING I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF WITNESSING IN MY LIFETIME. I GUARANTEE IT.

Do I win an internet now?

HI.. I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. YOU AND I WOULD BEGIN OUR EVENING WITH A CANDLELIGHT SUPPER OF LOBSTER AND STEAK, FOLLOWED BY A CREAMY DESSERT OF SEVERAL GALLONS OF MY THICK, SLOPPY MAN MILK. YOU WOULD MARVEL IN FEAR AND AWE AT THE SHEER VASTNESS OF MY SUBMARINE-LIKE EDIFICE OF VIRILITY. I'D COMMAND YOU TO ASSUME THE POSITION, AND THEN I WOULD PASSIONATELY PLUNGE MY THROBBING POLE OF FLESH BETWEEN YOUR SUPPLE, YIELDING CHEEKS. YOU'D SCREAM IN DELIGHT AND PLEASURE AS I THRUST THE ZIMMER-TRAIN FULL STEAM IN AND OUT OF YOUR DISTENDED ORIFICE. YOUR ORGASM WOULD BE SO OUTRAGEOUSLY IMMENSE, THE NEIGHBORS FOR THREE BLOCKS WOULD FEEL SHUDDERS OF ECSTASY. THIS WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA IN NEW ORLEANS, AS THEY DON'T NEED MY ENDLESS SUPPLY OF BABY CUSTARD RAISING THE WATER LEVEL YET AGAIN. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF MEN'S WAREHOUSE. AFTER COMING THIS FAR, AND SELLING MY SOUL TO THE DARK ENTITY THAT IS CALLED BAELZEBUB IN EXCHANGE FOR IMMORTALITY, I WILL NOT DIE BECAUSE YOU LAZY ASSES WILL NO LONGER WRITE STORIES OF MY PHALLIC GLORY OR INNUMERABLE SEXUAL EXPLOITS. POST MORE, YOU VIP-FAGS, OR I'LL DROP MY PHALLIC RAMROD UPON YOUR HOMES, CRUSHING ALL THOSE WITHIN, THEN LEAN BACK AND DECLARE A MIGHTY 'WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY'. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. EACH ONE OF MY SUITS AND TAILORED JUST FOR YOU, TO SUIT YOUR EVERY NEED. HOWEVER, DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS A BEACON IN EVERY CUFFLINK? I PERSONALLY INSTALLED EACH ONE OF THESE WHICH SEND A SIGNAL DURING THE LOWEST POINT OF YOUR LIFE. THE MOMENT THE ANGUISH OF SEEING YOUR WIFE DIE IN YOUR ARMS IS WHEN I'LL APPEAR, LIKE A FLASH, BEHIND YOU. THEN, IN AN INSTANT I'LL TEAR YOUR TROUSERS OFF MUCH IN WAY A GORILLA WOULD RIP CURTAINS WITHOUT A BANANNA PATTERN.
STILL IN SHOCK, YOU WILL ATEMPT TO LOOK BACK HOWEVER THE LAST THING YOU SEE IS THE BEAUTY OF MY ROLEX BEFORE MY FIST COLLIDES WITH YOUR SKULL. THEN, I FREE MY SUPREME MEMBER FROM IT'S ARMANI SHEATH, TWITCHING WITH THE JOY OF DEFILING A NEW ORIFICE.
WITH BOTH OF MY HANDS AND THE BLESSINGS OF THOR I SPREAD YOUR ASS APART, IT STILL CLINGING TO DISCOUNT BOXERS. MY THRUST SENDS SHOCKWAVES THROUGHOUT YOUR BODY, JOLTING YOU TO A CONSIOUS STATE OF HORROR/PLEASURE. MY MAGNIFICIENT POLE VOLT RENDING CLOTH AND ANUS MIXING THEM WITH YOUR WARM BLOOD. YOU TRY TO SHRIEK BUT YOU'RE JOLTED BY ANOTHER THRUST, QUICKER THEN THE LAST THANKS TO THE CRIMSON LUBRICATION.
THIS CONTINUES FOR ROUGHLY HALF AN HOUR BEFORE YOUR APARTMENT FLOOR CRUMBLES FROM THE SHEER COLOSSAL FORCE OF MY DAM PLUGGER. THE TENANTS AROUND US GAZE IN AWE AS I BLOW AN ARTILLERY LOAD LAUNCHING YOUR QUIVERING BODY FROM MY BLOOD-STAINED IMALER AND FILLING THE AIR WITH ENOUGH BABY BATTER TO OVERFLOW A CHILDREN'S POOL. MY WATCH BEEPS AND JUST AS QUICKLY AS I APPEARED I DISAPPEAR. OFF TO VIOLATE ANOTHER.
I GUARANTEE IT.

>>136
Boo! I declare SAGE RUSH.

SAGE

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. IM HERE TO TELL YOU ALL THAT I used to be absolutely disgusted by dickgirls. For years I would deliberately skip saving pages from doujinshi I found if it had one in it. More recently though, I've accepted that there is futanari art that turns me on. I don't feel compelled to seek out pictures of real-life shemales; it's just one of those things, like piss-drinking and genital piercings, that anime makes arousing even though you'd never go for it in real life. I think it's a combination of three things:

1) Attaching a PENIS to a girl causes her to become sexually aggressive. She can't stop touching herself or trying to have sex with every girl, boy or other dickgirl she sees. An erection means "I'm horny, I want to have sex." When you see a girl gazing at you with a hard on, you know she wants you. Normal girls, it isn't always that obvious (a wet pussy is hard to see through clothes for example).

2) Seeing a dickgirl ejaculate is like how you wince when you see someone else get kicked in the nuts; it's a sympathetic reaction, like psychosomatic or something. Beautiful girls and ejaculating are high on most guys' lists of favorite things; dickgirls put them together in a simple package.

3) A dickgirl's dick is just another toy for you to play with. I'd treat it like an extra breast or a really big clit, something that will make her feel good when you touch her, and a hell of a lot more user friendly than a teeny tiny little knob at the top of her crotch.

4) After four years of nothing but 'normal' hentai (and some real life sex), I'm jaded by hentai. I need something a little kinkier to get me interested, and this fits the bill nicely without getting too fucked up like scat or mutilation or sensory deprivation.

140get. ORLY?

>>139

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF MEN'S WEARHOUSE. DON'T BE FOOLED BY CHEAP IMITATIONS OF MY FINE PRODUCTS. FROM MY FINE, WELL-TAILORED SUITS AT AFFORDABLE PRICES TO MY DEEPLY AROUSING SEXUAL ANECDOTES, I ONLY OFFER THE HIGHEST QUALITY IN FASHION AND SEXUAL GRATIFICATION. SO IT HURTS ME, DEEP DOWN IN THE WELL-EXERCISED MUSCLE OF MY HEART TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD OFFER LOUSY KNOCK-OFFS OF MY PRODUCTS AND SELF-IMAGE. DON'T OFFER CHEAP IMITATIONS, OR I'LL COME TO YOUR HOME AND SPEAR YOUR VIRGIN RECTAL ROSEBUD WITH MY TITANIC TESTICULAR TRUNCHEON. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. MERE HOURS AGO, ON A SUBWAY RIDE HOME TO MY LAVISH PENTHOUSE APARTMENT, ON MY WAY BACK FROM THE WORLD'S MOST VIRILE MAN COMPETITION, THERE SAT ACROSS FROM ME A WOMAN OF ADMIRABLE MAMMARY PROPORTIONS. NATURALLY, MY IMMEDIATE REACTION WAS FOR MY DANGEROUS, DEVILISH, DAPPER DOWNSTAIRS DOWEL TO SWELL TO ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL BAT. BUT I DIGRESS. THE IMPORTANT PART OF MY TALE OF UNIMAGINABLE SEXUAL PROWESS WAS THUS:

A RATHER INEBRIATED FELLOW BEGAN TO HARASS THE OTHER PATRONS UPON THE SUBWAY CAR WHOSE DIMENSIONS WERE NOW BEING APPROACHED BY THAT OF MY TOWERING MEAT FOUNTAIN. HAVING NOT THE SAME AUDACITY AS I, THEY THOUGHT IT BEST TO LET THE MAN BE. AS HE MOVED FROM PROUDLY DISPLAYING HIS COMPARATIVELY INSIGNIFICANT PENILE PINKY TO THE OLDER WOMEN TO THE YOUNG, BOUNCY AND BEAUTIFULLY BREASTED BROAD THAT HAD CAUSED THE MAMMOTH SWELLING OF MY SWEATY MALE-WHALE, I CLUTCHED TIGHTLY MY TROPHY FROM AFOREMENTIONED COMPETITION AND KNEW IMMEDIATELY THE APPROPRIATE COURSE OF ACTION. THE LOOK THAT GRACED HIS WANDERING EYES AS MY PULSATING POWER PUMP RUSHED TO MEET HIS FACE WILL CAUSE ME RUMBLING LAUGHTER FOR MANY A YEAR. THE RESULTING AROMA OF GIN AND TESTOSTERONE THAT LINGERED IN THE AIR WAS INVIGORATING. I THEN SPOKE IN A DIALECT OF MANDARIN CHINESE IN A FREQUENCY THAT ONLY ELEPHANTS CAN HEAR A WARNING TO THIS MAN THAT THIS BEHAVIOR OF HIS WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE. ALAS, IT FELL ON DEAF EARS, FOR HE HAD PASSED. THE FELLATIO SESSION THAT I HAD EARNED FROM THE MAGNIFICENTLY MILKY MAIDEN WAS INTERRUPTED BY THE GOINGS-ON OF THE NEAREST POLICE OFFICER. RATHER THAN GO THROUGH THE TEDIUM OF FILLING OUT TIRESOME REPORTS AND STATEMENTS, I WASHED HIM OUT OF THE TRAIN AND UP THE STAIRS TO THE STREET WITH A BATH OF ONLY THE FINEST PROTEIN PACKED PUBIC PUDDING THAT I COULD MUSTER. I GUARANTEE IT.

HELLO! I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF MEN'S WEARHOUSE. LAST CATURDAY SOMEONE POSTED A PARTICULARLY ATTRACTIVE IMAGE CONTAINING ENORMOUS BREASTS OF STUPENDOUS PROPORTIONS ON THE /gif/ BOARD. I WAS PARTICULARLY AROUSED BY THIS, AND IMMEDIATELY UNSHEATHED MY MASSIVE MEAT MISSILE. AS I VIGOROUSLY STROKED THE SHAFT WITH THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF MY LEFT ARM, I MANAGED TO PAINSTAKINGLY SPAM THE WORD "SAUCE" IN HOPES THAT MY /gif/ RAPIDSHARE DRUDGES WOULD PRESENT FOR ME A TRIBUTE TO MY ALMIGHTY ANUS ANNIHILATOR. HOWEVER, TO MY IMMEDIATE DISMAY, I REALIZED THAT SOME PIXELS WERE UNUSUAL...THIS IMAGE WAS SHOPPED! IN MY RAGE, I RELEASED MY ENORMOUSLY PROPORTIONED PENILE PLUNDERER, WHICH SNAPPED MY COMPUTER DESK CLEAR IN HALF. THE QUAKING OF MY LARGE LACUNA LANCE WAS FELT WORLD WIDE, AND WAS NAMED THE 1906 SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE. THIS IS WHY SAN FRANCISCO IS INFESTED WITH HOMOSEXUALS - THEY ARE WORSHIPPERS OF MY GINORMOUS GROIN GRINDER. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. TODAY I WENT TO THE LOCAL ZOO IN HOPES OF FINDING MORE JAPANESE PEOPLE THAN YOU CAN FIND IN A TAIWANESE CRACKHOUSE. I BUSIED MYSELF TO THE LIONS DEN WHERE A BESTIAL ROAR ANTICIPATED THE PRESENCE OF MY AMAZONIAN SLAYER, AND RIGHT THEN THE ALPHA MALE EVISCERATED HIS INTESTINES IN HOPES TO ACCEPT MY MIGHTY GIRTH , AND I HAVE DONE SO AFTER SKEWERING HIS LATERAL AXIS THROUGH AN ELEPHANT, A HIPPO, AND TWO ENDANGERED PANDAS, THOSE OF WHOM I SINGLEHANDEDLY SAVED BY BLESSING THEM WITH THE IMMORTALITY GRANTING SAUCE THAT ALLOWED ME TO SURPASS VLAD THE IMPALER'S RECORD IN FLOWING BLOOD AND THE HOLY CONVICTION OF MY WHITE PALADIN. MANY PATRONS OF THE ZOO LOOKED ON IN AWE, HORROR AND ORGASMIC DISGUST, A SMALL JAPANESE GIRL TOOK 3 CAMERA PHONES AND BORROWED HER FRIEND'S IN ORDER TO ENCAPSULATE THE IMAGE OF MY HOLY MEMBER AS IT PRESENTS ITSELF , A TOWERING TOTEM POLE OF THE ZIMMER SUPREMACY. 10 MILLION INTERNET USERS WORSHIPS THAT 10 GIGABYTE WALL PAPER TODAY, AND A NEW HIT GAME SHOW LASTED IN JAPAN FOR 2 WEEKS I GUARANTEE IT. 

i demand the mile-high club one!

HI I'M NOT GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. GEORGE ZIMMER IS DEAD. I GUARANTEE IT.

is this copy pasta or are you really fucking crazy?

i mean this in a good way, i love this crap

>>147
Both I'm sure

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Have fun everyone!