/prog/ - Cannot fuck; dick is limp

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:02

Why is it that when I try to have sex with a girl, my dick always goes limp? I can masturbate just fine, even to 3D (not actual porn though). I hate this shit. Why does this shit always happen to me? Why must I be sexually divergent? I just want to have some fun. I am tired of anime and video games; I want to get a life, but it seems "normal" life is not suited for me, despite me appearing "normal" to everyone else. Do I just have to let a train run over me and see what happens? It seems inevitable now.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:05

There must be a bug in your penis subroutine. Try patching it with something like this:

void penis()

{

        for (;;) {

                if (attractive_female_sighted())

                        erect_penis();

                if (bladder_is_full())

                        urinate();

                else if (orgasming()) /* 'else' so we don't ejaculate and urinate at the same time */

                        ejaculate();

        }

}

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:27

Maybe you're gay.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:56

It's ok. Become the little girl you always were inside. Unleash your lolitastic self!

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:57

Maybe you're a narcissist.

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/02/hes_just_not_that_into_anyone.html

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 16:50

>>5
No shit I am a narcissist. What's wrong with that? I wouldn't mind a narcissist girlfriend. In fact I find it hot. Sadly, they never want me, because I appear too normal to them ;__;

I always get the submissive ones, even though I am the one who wants to get kicked in the balls/teeth by an angry tsundere with high heels. No one ever suspects I would let them shit in my mouth and be their fucktoy all day and night.. or maybe they do, and I simply am too ordinary for them. All I want is a psycho bitch in my life :3

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:08

>>2
for (;;)
For some reason, this always makes me feel uneasy. I always feel like in the middle of the ";;" is some uninitialized memory that happens to be nonzero and the entire loop is depending on that. That's why I used to use "while(1)" but then I realized the compiler could be faking that too, and further realized that everything is virtual, even reality, and that our reasoning is shaped by the preponderances of our experiences. Now I use "for(;;)" because it's faster to write and I have learned to embrace the uneasiness of the illogicality of "assume it's good until proven otherwise" despite the fact that that particular mindset has caused me nothing but pain. Then I realized that maybe I enjoy said pain. Then, after still some thinking, I realized that maybe there would be less pain altogether if I simply felt and didn't think so much.
But rather I would not code at all. Rather I would fly to the moon and play among the stars. But alas, I am stuck in the bottom of the massive ocean, the pure crystal-clear water penetrating my lungs perpetually, cutting deep within my fragile soul.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:13

>>7
Also, we will be simulating a faster processor within a processor some day. You heard it here first, from the mouth of a divergent god. The pieces fit together. That's why you are here. That's why I am here.
You are the processor, simulating yourself.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:31

>>7
>>8
I think LoseThos is back.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:34

>>7

#define SPIDER_FACE (;;)

#define LEFT_HUG (

#define RIGHT_HUG )

#define LEFT_CUDDLE {

#define RIGHT_CUDDLE }

#define CRYING_EYE ;

#define TEAR ,

#define LOCOMOTIVE(wagon0, wagon1) wagon0##_##wagon1

#define ON_RAILS(wagon0, wagon1) LOCOMOTIVE(wagon0, wagon1)

#define THOMAS_THE_TANK_ENGINE(choochoo) ON_RAILS choochoo

#define KIRISAME_MARISA RIGHT_HUG RIGHT_HUG



void penis LEFT_HUG RIGHT_HUG

LEFT_CUDDLE

        for SPIDER_FACE LEFT_CUDDLE

                if LEFT_HUG THOMAS_THE_TANK_ENGINE(LEFT_HUG THOMAS_THE_TANK_ENGINE(LEFT_HUG attractive TEAR female RIGHT_HUG) TEAR sighted RIGHT_HUG) LEFT_HUG KIRISAME_MARISA

                        THOMAS_THE_TANK_ENGINE(LEFT_HUG erect TEAR penis RIGHT_HUG) LEFT_HUG RIGHT_HUG CRYING_EYE

                if LEFT_HUG THOMAS_THE_TANK_ENGINE(LEFT_HUG bladder TEAR THOMAS_THE_TANK_ENGINE(LEFT_HUG is TEAR full RIGHT_HUG) RIGHT_HUG) LEFT_HUG KIRISAME_MARISA

                        urinate LEFT_HUG RIGHT_HUG CRYING_EYE

                else if LEFT_HUG orgasming LEFT_HUG RIGHT_HUG RIGHT_HUG /* 'else' so we don't ejaculate and urinate at the same time */

                        ejaculate LEFT_HUG RIGHT_HUG CRYING_EYE

        RIGHT_CUDDLE

RIGHT_CUDDLE

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:40

>>10
wat

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:55

>>11
Valid C code.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 18:08

WHY IS HENTAI SO MUCH BETTER THAN REAL SEX?

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 19:01

>>10
this is why we can't have nice things

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 19:46

>>1,6

Same here OP. I always end up with submissive girls who want to be tied up, slapped, called whores and have simulated rapes thrust upon them. When really all I want is to lick their feet and arseholes and let them pin me down and fuck me on top, while telling me they love me.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 20:04

im a virgin

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 20:38

viagra

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 0:00

>>17
WATCH YOUR PRIVILEGE, MALE PROGRAMMER.

Name: OP 2012-06-10 8:07

>>15
I know right! I want that more than anything. But the sad news is that I have been in a BDSM session (with a prostitute though), we were not synchronized at all and it was total shit (not literally), not at all what I expected.
I just want to feel the anger and insanity of a sadistic controlling bitch. Do you understand what I mean? Playing pretend with rubber clothes is not enough for me.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 8:22

>>2

I see a compiler error there. You cannot pee while erected. Correct with this:

while(erect_penis()!=0)// 0 = erected

          urinate();

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 10:16

>>20
not thread safe

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 11:44

>>20
I can, it just comes out in a weak stream and feels a bit weird (it feels like dubs).

>>21

while (!(bladder_is_empty()) && !(penis_is_erect())) {

        spin_lock(urethra);

        urinate();

        spin_unlock(urethra);

}

Better?

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 11:53

>>22
You should put the spinlock outside the loop for efficiency.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 11:54

>>22,23
An even better solution would be to urinate atomically, most operations on humans are atomic actually.

Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 12:41

>>23
Yeah, true.

>>24
most operations on humans are atomic actually
No they aren't.

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-29 21:21

>>8,7

so tamasimm /b/ro

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-29 21:51

circumcision

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-29 23:00

>>25
u need 2 use concurrent P

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 5:48

This thread is terrible!
also NSA please go, i need to talk secret real men's business ^^

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 5:52

Hurry along now!

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:05

xD

So anyway, i guess things have been a little quiet with my lady-friend lately... i think she may have even found the secret hide-out ...here.. damnit you guys...... what should i do? =.
Also, do you think she might be cheesed that i didn't do the doona dance? D=

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:24

guess it probably offended.. =(
come on it's not like i'll never want to =) i just thought it was a little rushed.. we've probably not spent 5 minutes holding hands or 10 having a pash yet ;D

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:31

kind of the opposite now... she's just up the road, but i've not seen her for five weeks.. =(

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:32

*keeps track by the moon* ^^

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:43

Don't let the cat out of the bag? xD

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:48

Are quantum operations atomic ?

Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 14:26

>>36
Don't you mean ``Are quantum operations axoimic ?''

Name: Anonymous 2013-07-01 0:26

/bin/fuck: cannot fuck: Dick is limp

Cannot fuck; dick is limp

1 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:02

2 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:05

3 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:27

4 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:56

5 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 15:57

6 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 16:50

7 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:08

8 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:13

9 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:31

10 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:34

11 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:40

12 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 17:55

13 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 18:08

14 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 19:01

15 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 19:46

16 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 20:04

17 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-09 20:38

18 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 0:00

19 Name: OP 2012-06-10 8:07

20 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 8:22

21 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 10:16

22 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 11:44

23 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 11:53

24 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 11:54

25 Name: Anonymous 2012-06-10 12:41

26 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-29 21:21

27 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-29 21:51

28 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-29 23:00

29 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 5:48

30 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 5:52

31 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:05

32 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:24

33 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:31

34 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:32

35 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:43

36 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 6:48

37 Name: Anonymous 2013-06-30 14:26

38 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-01 0:26

39 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-01 20:38

40 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-01 20:39

41 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-01 20:40

42 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-01 20:45

43 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-01 20:50

44 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-01 20:56

45 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-02 0:19

46 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-02 0:24

47 Name: Anonymous 2013-07-02 0:30