Resume help

I can't get a job. After spending four years getting a degree in engineering I now realize that the degree is worthless.

Can someone do me a favor and make me a resume that claims I'm an expert programmer? Just make shit up. If I get hired for something I'll learn the needed programming languages before I start work.

>>48
Knowing someone who knows someone is a common way to an entry-level job.
Social skills are the best way to get a job. People hire their loyal and stupid relatives more willingly, than just independent highly skilled professionals.