If programming languages were Touhous

Assembler: Sakuya
BASIC: Chen
C++: Reimu
C: Marisa
Clojure: Remilia
Cobol: Kaguya
Forth: Alice
Haskell: Patchouli
HTML: Cirno
Java: Yuyuko
Javascript: Mystia
Lua: Keine
Ocaml: Reisen
Pascal: China
Perl: Rinnosuke
PHP: Wriggle
Python: Sanae
Ruby: Yukari
Scheme: Satori

>>25
Sir, I believe you are wrong.  Saging is exclusive to good posts, for shitposting it is customary to not sage.

>>26
You're confused. The first step in making a good post is to assume you are making a shitpost.

>>27
Why in the world would I want to make a good post when I can make a shit post?

>>26-29
Behave.