Acheiving Balance

Hello, /prog/. Lately, I have had some troubles in my life. I seek your guidance.

There is a part of me that loathes masturbation. Large amounts of my time are wasted masturbating, and much larger portions are wasted collecting pornography. What's worse is that after I jerk it once or twice for the day, I'm left feeling horribly lethargic, unwilling to accomplish anything. As an EXPERT PROGRAMMER and one interested in more academic pursuits than little girls, this is a problem. Clearly, I cannot maintain this lifestyle.

On the other hand, I'm a horrible pervert of the worst degree. I have ascended beyond the realm of "hot big tit bitch fuck gets nailed" to a world of astounding fetishes that a normal man would balk at. There are subtle nuances and flavors to each category of pornography; they are not lost on me.

I have tried to stop masturbating, but eventually, my lust consumes me and I am forced back to /home/*/spreadsheets/. I have tried to forget about the world of programming, yet this leaves me unfulfilled, with visions of robed Sussmen prancing through my dreams, singing their song of spirits and drinking from tall, cool lambdas.

It is because of this dilemma that I seek your guidance.

Are you my own clone, perchance?

You get a come down after jerking it - called the "refractory period"

NO JERKING IT

>>2

We are all clones of Adam and Eva.

If you can't stop doing something you want to stop doing then you probably have OCD. Go to your doctor, tell him that your depressed, take an SSRI.

>>6
SSRI.
What is that, sir!

>>7
Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor. It promotes apathy, makes it hurt to pee and diminishes your libido.

>>8
That...doesn't sound very pleasant. By the way, while on the subject of drugs, would you happen to know of one that inhibits dreaming? Its name begins with the letter "D", but I forgot the name of it. Apparently, when you're dreaming normally there are small trace amounts of it in your body.

>>9
It sounds like you have something specific in mind, but I'd need more details to tell what it is. You might be thinking of dopamine, which I imagine is at relatively low levels during dreaming.

Why the hell would anyone want to get rid of dreams or one's libido is unknown to me.

>>10
No, it definitely wasn't dopamine. It was spelled "dxsomethingorother". Had a long name to it. Damn, I wish I had remembered what it was. But someone told me you start off in small doses with it, like 50mg or so, and you can dream while being awake.

>>12
Oh. You're probably thinking dextromethorphan (aka DXM.) Active ingredient in Robitussin; robo: v. to abuse Robitussin, or DXM in general, for recreational purposes.

>>9
That would be dimethyltryptamine, which is believed to be part of the natural process of dreaming. It's found in a whole lot of different plants, too.

>>13
Nah, it wasn't that either. That's what bored teenagers with no access to harder stuff take to get high. Fuck, man, I wish I had wrote down the name of it, now it's going to bother me all day trying to recall the exact name.

>>13
It's in cough syrup.

>>15
I've heard it described exactly that way by users, so it sounded like a good fit, not to mention the spelling.

I'm going to go into crazytown and pretend you've forgotten what DMT is and ask you if that's what you mean. Is it?

>>16
You mean the stuff I just named as an ingredient in a cough syrup is in cough syrup?! Stop the friggin' presses!

>>15

scythe-san is on the right track. You are thinking of DMT, a tryptamine family molecule.

It is released when you are dreaming, when you die, and also moments before satori.

DXM is in cough syrup, does not make you trip(unless you call horrible nausea, seeing bugs, darkness, people who aren't there etc. "tripping"), and anyone claiming to 'get high' on DXM is retarded and will probably be in the hospital soon bleeding out of their eyes

>>18
Your ignorance of DXM is pretty fantastic.

>>18

Hahahaha oh wow.

I love the Tussin, this is great.

>>17
I'm going to go into crazytown and pretend you've forgotten what DMT is and ask you if that's what you mean. Is it?
Dimethyltryptamine! That's it! Thank you so much! <3

>>21
"dream without being awake"

That's a rather quaint way to describe the most powerful psychedelic on earth.

You should only masturbate to SICP

I usually only do about once a day man, and finding porn doesn't take any longer than 10 minutes.

>>1
Good job, you've completed step one^₁. As this is the internet, I'm confident you will never achieve step two, and will even find pleasure in that fact.

____________
_{1. http://sa.org/steps.php}

>>25
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Umm, no.

>>26
Psst…i'ts talking about _{^{the Sussman}}.

>>1

The simplest way is to castrate yourself, clearly

>>28

OP here, I've been sincerely thinking about that for a few months now. Can we have a serious discussion on the pros/cons of voluntary castration?

>>29
Cons: You're castrated.  Nice job breaking it.
Pros:

>>27
I see, in that case you can stop being an alcoholic and follow and change your life the way the Sussman would want you to.

>>1
Just do it less often, I found that in my case every 2-3 days is perfect.

>>29
Pro:You're castrated. Good job.
Cons:

>>22
Yeah, I know. :( I had a hard time trying to figure out what the hell it was called. Now that I know, I must make it my duty to obtain some.

>>1
Every time you feel like masturbating, you could work out instead. I find that this cancels the urge quite nicely.

Or you could compromise, and just not allow yourself to orgasm. I don't know why I do this, but hey, different strokes, amirite?

OP, I have the same problem (masturbation, not loss of productivity). First, this is NOT /r9k/. Anyway, to help out: reward yourself. Write some code, then reward yourself for the work you've done by burping the worm. Use your chronic masturbation to enhance your productivity rather than let it detract from it.

PROGRAMMING IN JAVA

Pros: You're using an efficient and innovative language. Good job.
Cons:

>>37
efficient and innovative
int main() {
  for(;;)
    puts("HA");
  return -12456
}

oh no i forgot my semicolon at line 4 and now it wont compile

Don't change these.

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