/prog/ - Functions you wish worked in real life

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:39

RemoveChild()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:50

malloc

Then I'd never forget anything, ultimately resulting in an out of memory problem because I didn't ask for free to work as well.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:05

Thread.destroy();

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:13

fork()

It would be incredibly useful to instantly clone myself at will.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:21

>>4
But you already do. Branching parallel universes.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:23

>>5
Stop thinking like a functional programmer, you communist faggot.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:05

call-with-current-continuation

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:15

unsafePerformAssasinate americanPresident

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

>>8
for that to work there would have to actually be an american president, tho.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

>>7
That way, when you want a sandwich, you will all of a sudden find yourself self standing there in the kitchen with the sandwich in front of you!

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:21

memcpy()

I should be able to do anything with that.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:40

malloc()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:04

>>9
Yeah, it's a shame how that Kenyan guy they elected isn't qualified to hold the office

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:53

MIT::reLicense()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 2:59

fibo

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:12

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:39

findChildren()
comes up with an error.
DID YOU KNOW?! you can't name your children, legally, in the US, with unicode? They have to have ASCII names!!!

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:54

badness()
Man that wooul d be awesome

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:26

>>17
DID YOU KNOW?! you can't name your children, legally, in the US, with unicode? They have to have ASCII names!!!
Do they have to be null-terminated and is 0x07 pronounced as an annoying beep?

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:29

>>19
No, and yes.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:42

http://boards.4chan.org/g/res/8544970

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

void delete (Person*);

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

kill()
there are too many "processes" here.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:48

>>21
Yes, it is a wonder.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:55

>>21
traceroute lets you see all IPs connected to a website collect these and hack them
That video was hilarious

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 5:57

These all just require more creativity. For example:
>>1
Just let the little fucker 'accidentally' get into the baby aspirin.

As for me? qsort(). Automatically sorting things would be awesome.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:17

setLoveCounter(cuteJPgirl, INT_MAX);

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:20

Booze.buy(upto=Village.rape_and_pillage().filter(is_money))

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:22

>>27
Whoa, man, watch out so you don't accidentally increase it further or you're in for a world of pain.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:35

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:41

>>30
Jokes become funnier when reiterated, and also without code tags.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:57

>>31
reading the thread before posting is for losers

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 11:30

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:33

>>27
Did you mean setLoveCounter(cuteJPGgirl, INT_MAX);?

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:34

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:35

self.anus.hax(toy = Spork())

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:44

FetusFactory.createInstance().abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:57

setDaemon

I would like to have a shikigami.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:14

m = GenericMonster()

m.name = "Anus Monster



while not m.has_too_many_anuses():

    a = Anus()

    m.add_anus(a)



for anus in m.anus_set:

    anus.hax()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:22

CreateHandle(NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL), because I often want to move objects that are unwieldy.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:05

>>40
HWND is defined as a pointer.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:16



int x;

for (x = 0; x < (6800000000 / 2); x++

    woman[x].SetStupidBitchMode(false);

return "niggers";

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:21

int x;

for (x = 0; x < (6800000000 / 2); x++)

    woman[x].SetStupidBitchMode(false);

return "niggers";

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:39

>>43
you're haxing anuses like c98 using c++, HAX MINE

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 16:58

>>38
shikigami
Please learn some more Japanese before attempting to use it.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 18:43

goto

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 22:19

ls

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 2:01

>>43
^* African Americans

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 4:23

vector-ref

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 17:53

bampu(pantsu);

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 17:58

>>50
Works in real life

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:23

>>48
I blieve you have my nigger?

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:37

Window.Open()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:57

setsid()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 0:34

>>52
*African American

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 2:42

bank->loadAccount(my_account);

bank->setMoney(DOUBLE_MAX);

bank->save();

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 3:26

>>56
bank
storing money as a double
Oh Anonymous, you card.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 6:59

haxmyanus()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 9:21

wonder why none of you said that but well

sudo
or
loop

every time someone trys poop my day i would hit them in the face and scream loop to create an infinite amount of pain

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:09

>>59
Sudo make me a sandwhich!

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:20

>>59
sudo is a program.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:22

haxmyanus()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 11:05

>>57
Oh Anonymous, you card.
My other card is a crrd.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 13:11

>>63

U mena cdrd

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:37

goto // fast-traveling through space/time;
break; // when you get stuck in a shitty day/week/period that just won't end.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:48

BREAK MY ANUS

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:50

>>64

The pleasure of being cuddered inside.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 20:37

skalsafna(;)

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 20:56

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-03-01 6:48

why are most of the post related to children and their removal?
does /prog/ have a dirty secret?

Name: Anonymous 2010-11-13 18:32

Name: Anonymous 2013-08-31 19:26

While considerably better than the common route, the story was basically just a massive infodump with flashbacks and angst into conclusion.

Name: Anonymous 2013-08-31 20:56

The problem was when they left out large chunks of the story and the tiny things that made it enjoyable, the people who watched it without reading the VN were probably confused as fuck since they had to fit everything into 26 episodes.
They even left out a lot of red text. Also they barely even used the sound track, except for suspicion

Functions you wish worked in real life

1 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:39

2 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:50

3 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:05

4 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:13

5 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:21

6 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:23

7 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:05

8 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:15

9 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

10 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

11 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:21

12 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:40

13 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:04

14 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:53

15 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 2:59

16 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:12

17 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:39

18 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:54

19 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:26

20 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:29

21 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:42

22 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

23 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

24 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:48

25 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:55

26 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 5:57

27 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:17

28 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:20

29 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:22

30 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:35

31 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:41

32 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:57

33 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 11:30

34 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:33

35 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:34

36 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:35

37 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:44

38 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:57

39 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:14

40 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:22

41 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:05

42 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:16

43 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:21

44 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:39

45 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 16:58

46 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 18:43

47 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 22:19

48 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 2:01

49 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 4:23

50 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 17:53

51 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 17:58

52 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:23

53 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:37

54 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:57

55 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 0:34

56 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 2:42

57 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 3:26

58 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 6:59

59 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 9:21

60 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:09

61 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:20

62 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:22

63 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 11:05

64 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 13:11

65 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:37

66 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:48

67 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:50

68 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 20:37

69 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 20:56

70 Name: Anonymous 2010-03-01 6:48

71 Name: Anonymous 2010-11-13 18:32

72 Name: Anonymous 2013-08-31 19:26

73 Name: Anonymous 2013-08-31 20:56

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:39

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:50

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:05

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:13

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:21

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:23

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:05

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:15

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:21

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:40

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:04

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:53

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 2:59

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:12

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:39

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:54

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:26

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:29

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:42

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:48

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:55

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 5:57

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:17

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:20

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:22

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:35

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:41

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:57

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 11:30

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:33

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:34

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:35

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:44

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:57

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:14

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:22

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:05

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:16

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:21

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 15:39

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 16:58

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 18:43

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 22:19

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 2:01

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 4:23

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 17:53

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 17:58

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:23

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:37

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-27 21:57

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 0:34

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 2:42

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 3:26

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 6:59

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 9:21

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:09

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:20

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 10:22

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 11:05

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 13:11

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:37

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:48

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 19:50

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 20:37

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-28 20:56

Name: Anonymous 2010-03-01 6:48

Name: Anonymous 2010-11-13 18:32

Name: Anonymous 2013-08-31 19:26

Name: Anonymous 2013-08-31 20:56