/prog/ - Functions you wish worked in real life

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:39

RemoveChild()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:50

malloc

Then I'd never forget anything, ultimately resulting in an out of memory problem because I didn't ask for free to work as well.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:05

Thread.destroy();

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:13

fork()

It would be incredibly useful to instantly clone myself at will.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:21

>>4
But you already do. Branching parallel universes.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:23

>>5
Stop thinking like a functional programmer, you communist faggot.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:05

call-with-current-continuation

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:15

unsafePerformAssasinate americanPresident

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

>>8
for that to work there would have to actually be an american president, tho.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

>>7
That way, when you want a sandwich, you will all of a sudden find yourself self standing there in the kitchen with the sandwich in front of you!

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:21

memcpy()

I should be able to do anything with that.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:40

malloc()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:04

>>9
Yeah, it's a shame how that Kenyan guy they elected isn't qualified to hold the office

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:53

MIT::reLicense()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 2:59

fibo

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:12

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:39

findChildren()
comes up with an error.
DID YOU KNOW?! you can't name your children, legally, in the US, with unicode? They have to have ASCII names!!!

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:54

badness()
Man that wooul d be awesome

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:26

>>17
DID YOU KNOW?! you can't name your children, legally, in the US, with unicode? They have to have ASCII names!!!
Do they have to be null-terminated and is 0x07 pronounced as an annoying beep?

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:29

>>19
No, and yes.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:42

http://boards.4chan.org/g/res/8544970

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

void delete (Person*);

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

kill()
there are too many "processes" here.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:48

>>21
Yes, it is a wonder.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:55

>>21
traceroute lets you see all IPs connected to a website collect these and hack them
That video was hilarious

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 5:57

These all just require more creativity. For example:
>>1
Just let the little fucker 'accidentally' get into the baby aspirin.

As for me? qsort(). Automatically sorting things would be awesome.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:17

setLoveCounter(cuteJPgirl, INT_MAX);

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:20

Booze.buy(upto=Village.rape_and_pillage().filter(is_money))

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:22

>>27
Whoa, man, watch out so you don't accidentally increase it further or you're in for a world of pain.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:35

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:41

>>30
Jokes become funnier when reiterated, and also without code tags.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:57

>>31
reading the thread before posting is for losers

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 11:30

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:33

>>27
Did you mean setLoveCounter(cuteJPGgirl, INT_MAX);?

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:34

abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:35

self.anus.hax(toy = Spork())

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:44

FetusFactory.createInstance().abort()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:57

setDaemon

I would like to have a shikigami.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:14

m = GenericMonster()

m.name = "Anus Monster



while not m.has_too_many_anuses():

    a = Anus()

    m.add_anus(a)



for anus in m.anus_set:

    anus.hax()

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:22

CreateHandle(NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL), because I often want to move objects that are unwieldy.

Functions you wish worked in real life

1 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:39

2 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:50

3 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:05

4 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:13

5 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:21

6 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:23

7 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:05

8 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:15

9 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

10 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

11 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:21

12 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:40

13 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:04

14 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:53

15 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 2:59

16 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:12

17 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:39

18 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:54

19 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:26

20 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:29

21 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:42

22 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

23 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

24 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:48

25 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:55

26 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 5:57

27 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:17

28 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:20

29 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:22

30 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:35

31 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:41

32 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:57

33 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 11:30

34 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:33

35 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:34

36 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:35

37 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:44

38 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:57

39 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:14

40 Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:22

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:39

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 21:50

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:05

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:13

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:21

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 22:23

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:05

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:15

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:16

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:21

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-25 23:40

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:04

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 1:53

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 2:59

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:12

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:39

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 3:54

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:26

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:29

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:42

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:43

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:48

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 4:55

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 5:57

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:17

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:20

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:22

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:35

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:41

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 9:57

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 11:30

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:33

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:34

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:35

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:44

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 12:57

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:14

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-26 14:22