It's helpful to think of programming languages as paths to enlightenment.
C is being a hermit in the desert. You eat grasshoppers and honey and learn to do everything with what you have.
C++ is self-flagellation locked in your chamber in the monastery. Surely if I try really hard while ignoring the pain, I will be enlightened. Re-examine my beliefs? Laughable! That would show lack of faith.
Haskell is realizing that you can simply create an Enlightenment monad in which to store your impure thoughts.
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Anonymous2009-11-03 0:12
Scheme is like achieving satori, it is the only language you really need to learn and one of the only two you will ever need to use, the second one being BBCode.
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Anonymous2009-11-03 0:45
[bold]Java[/bold] is like eating shit.
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Anonymous2009-11-03 0:54
Assembly is realizing we're all made of the same vibrating strings, and trying to understand everything by studying their interactions.
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Anonymous2009-11-03 1:05
Perl is listening to the madman babble incoherently on the side of the road, only to come to the epiphany that you are the madman babbling to yourself.
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Anonymous2009-11-03 1:20
Python is that fleeting sense of enlightenment that a layperson may be able to achieve through a traumatic event or a near-death experience. Indeed it is a powerful insight, as we can deign from the countless discourses of Patriarch Randall , but nothing compared to the even higher level of Zen achieved through meditations on Scheme or Lisp.
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Anonymous2009-11-03 1:40
obviously you childres know nothing of zen, buddhism, or enlightenment, if you think you can only find satori only in your goofy toy languages
the true student of the way knows that the many paths to enlightenment can be found in everything that surrounds us...
the leaves falling from the trees
the flow patterns of the traffic on the freeway
the drone of the 737's engine cruising at 35,000 feet
the temple bells at dawn
and etc...
have you read your zen mind, beginner's mind today?
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Anonymous2009-11-03 3:36
>>8
enlightenment can only be achieved via programming.
ergo your wrong bitch
>>15 [b]NIGGLE THIS! NIGGLE THAT! FOR I AM THE NIGGLER!
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Anonymous2009-11-03 14:18
>>14
Only if you stop implementing it once you have Forth.
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Anonymous2009-11-03 18:13
Java is an outlier in that it can't possibly lead to enlightenment, no matter how hard you try to enlighten yourself by coding in Java. If you are smart then it will teach you that you are on the wrong path, nothing more.
DESCRIPTION
which returns the pathnames of the files which would be executed in the
current environment, had its arguments been given as commands in a
strictly POSIX-conformant shell. It does this by searching the PATH
for executable files matching the names of the arguments.
OPTIONS
-a print all matching pathnames of each argument
EXIT STATUS
0 if all specified commands are found and executable
1 if one or more specified commands is nonexistent or not exe‐
cutable
2 if an invalid option is specified
anonymous@4chan:~$
I could also use type but if enlightenment was an alias or a shell builtin, which is not either, it wouldn't return the path to enlightenment.
How about a Hierarchy of Sins for Path of Ritchie?
10 - using any non-C89 language extensions
9 - having any kind of undefined behavior
8 - messing up '&' operator precedence
7 - unwilligness to properly free memory, arguing that batch programs don't have to
6 - failure to surround macro arguments with parentheses leading to obscure errors
5 - implicitly assuming an endianness
4 - casting pointers to potentially smaller types like 'int'
3 - inability to comprehent pointers
2 - not indenting in one-true-brace-style
1 - assuming correctness based upon lack of compiler warnings
Subscribing to fad religions only brings one closer toward hipsterdom, the un-satori.
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Anonymous2009-11-06 22:59
When one walks the road of JavaScript long enough, one's thoughts begin to resemble those of FrozenVoid's. Eventually, those two minds will be so similar that it'd be impossible to tell them apart - at which point one realizes that such a horrible misshappening could only lead to one logical conclusion: we are all one and the same.
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Anonymous2009-11-07 9:06
>>35 JavaScript is actually a quite nice language. It's just that it's slow as fuck.
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Anonymous2009-11-07 9:47
Elisp is an odd fucker. It's off the side of Common Lisp but contains some surprisingly Schemish things, even though it probably predates both.
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Anonymous2009-11-07 9:50
>>37
Hardly Schemish if you're trying to work with emacs or one of the modes.
>>37
How is it Schemeish? The damn thing has dynamic scope all over it, making closures and other things Scheme is good at, much harder to make. Common Lisp only has optional dynamic scope when you need it, and Scheme doesn't have dynamic scope, but has something called fluid-let.
>>49
If philosophers were programmers then there would be absolutely no code ever written.
They would just sit on their asses all day pondering the meaning of int and just generally be useless blowhard twats