In over my head at new job

Hy /prog/ i got a job as a programmer, but the stuff my boss wants me to do is too hard for my work ethic.

They always gets mad when I dont do work and often trys to make me stay after hours. 

Apart from that the job is ok, so heres the thing.  If someone on /prog/ can do my work for me, all i have to do is sit in the office from 9-5 pressing random keys, and then someone can do the work.  Of course id pay whoever it was.

So if any unemployed programmer wants it plz reply.

Here are a few pointers I picked up on relating to what they like their coding style to be.

1) You must work within the current database spec, you cant change it and it works.
2) All programs must be written in perl but in c style
 2a) No foreach loops
 2b) No array assignments in the style ($a,$b,$c) = @array
 2c) You cant shift items off the array unless its to get subroutine arguments
3) you must use a shitty in house implementation of something wherever possible

I will provide the development environment, which involves a mysql database and perl running on linux.

Quit your job. Then kill yourself.

>>2
wrong order

OP here, i was gonna outsource it to india but i thought id help u guys earn some bux.
ill check back in an hour.

>>4
Sage.

I cried a little inside when I read clause 2)

Good thing that for can do all that foreach can do.

>>7
Good thing that's completely irrelevant as it's still a foreach loop.

>>7
Thats not allowed either.
Only this kind of for loop is allowed.

my $nLoop = 0;

for( $nLoop = 0; $nLoop <= $#array; $nLoop++)
{
  print("You Suck a big ".$array[$nLoop]."\n");
}

oh yeah and c style variable declarations.
and no returns except at the end of a subroutine

>>9
Shoot whoever made these idiotic rules.

>>10
having just gotten out of university I think its abit too soon to go postal, isnt it?

>>11
No, no! Now is exactly the right time! Don't turn into a corporate drone!

>>12
>>1 sounds exactly the right person to become one. He can't program in Perl and has little work ethic and so, needs to be a drone.

Yeah on monday im gonna quit that place and go work for facebook

At least you don't have to write it like java

WHY DON'T YOU JUST PROGRAM IN C.

>>16
SO YOU'LL BE AN AUSTRIAN NOBLEMAN?

>>16
my thoughts exactly.  Whats the fucking point defining variables at the start of a routine when any decent compiler will optimise the equivalent anyway? in fact you could say its working against the compiler because it becomes less defined where and when a certain variable is required.

>>15
Yes, it could be much worse.

>>16
Truth, if you're going to use a dynamic language but restrict yourself to writing shitty static-style code, you might as well spare the dynamic part and at least win some execution speed. Using Perl like that is being slower for nothing.

someone at your company had a dumb a idea one day. unmanageable perl code is still unmanageable, amirite?

>>20
Totally right. 
Maybe I should post some of the existing code for you guys to comment on?
One of the more notable subroutines is 500+ lines with gotos(labels?)

>>21
500 lines of C-like-perl with gotos?

>>22
Are you as turned on as I am?

>>23
Are you as tuned on as I am?

>>24
But...you can't tuna on.