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How do I write a program to get laid?

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-23 16:03 ID:qQLln4Hu

plz hlp

I think python would be best cause it sounds like a snake and I got a snake in my pants.

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-23 16:15 ID:UiRB51Gt

do like the king of programmers, bill gates

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-23 16:18 ID:OU2JyWDC

Do it in perl

#!/usr/bin/perl

use IO::Socket::INET;
use warnings;
while (1) {

    $ip =  join ('.', (int(rand(238)) + 1
               ,int(rand(254)) + 1
               ,int(rand(254)) + 1
               ,int(rand(254)) + 1));
   
    # Create a new socket
    $msg = "I want to get laid, please help me with it.";
    $MySocket=new IO::Socket::INET->new(PeerPort=>1118,
                    Proto=>'udp',
                    PeerAddr=>"$ip");
    $MySocket->send($msg);
    $MySocket->close();
    sleep 3600;
}

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-23 17:16 ID:uxJophyP

>>1
Read SICP. When you reached satori put on a robe and wizard hat. It will impress the ladies. I GUARANTEE IT.

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-23 21:37 ID:qQLln4Hu

>>3

Sweet it worked! I met a girl named Shannon, she is 13 and lives in Colorado. Already booked a ticket and I am flying up there to meet her tomorrow!

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-23 21:56 ID:Heaven

>>5
I know a 31-year old gay guy named Shannon who lives in Colorado.
What an odd coincidence.

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-23 22:25 ID:qQLln4Hu

>>6 Does he have a dog named Sparkles?

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-24 4:08 ID:Yt4ElUv9

$ip=join ".",map{1+int rand $_} 238,254,254,254

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-24 5:04 ID:Heaven

>>7
No, his dog is called Cudder

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-24 6:11 ID:a7lTE1qa

>>7
His other car is a cdr

Name: pedo !BEAR0SWNFs 2007-09-24 7:14 ID:1ccptE9f

Write a web 2.0 application and sell it to Google. Then buy yourself a girl.

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-24 7:49 ID:oGv6i176

>>11
True. Girls don't care about geeks because they are smart and treat them like people; women hate this (they love to be treated like crap and beaten by drunkard gangs, they call this "funny"). However, they love money as much as they love their mums, and they wet themselves when they think of buying a new pair of shoes every day. Yes, they're THAT shallow.

Ugh. I don't want a girl. And I'm not gay. Therefore I'll remain alone, unless I find a girl that doesn't fit the aforementioned description.

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-24 12:00 ID:UxksCqzm

>>12

Women should be perfect for programmers.

Women are object-oriented.

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-24 12:37 ID:UZWYzG1n

>>13
Women are Touring-complete.

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-24 13:06 ID:oGv6i176

>>13
Lol, trut.

>>14
I don't think so. The classic proof of having them implementing a Turing machine cannot be done because they show non-deterministic behaviour. They cannot be examined because they don't support reflection. They just seem to be a simpler but highly specialized attention whoring, fashion sucking, chit-chat bullshitting, money taking automaton.

Name: Anonymous 2007-09-24 13:24 ID:A0UCoOZE

>>8
$ip=join".",map{0|1+rand 254-$_}16,0,0,0

Name: Anonymous 2011-02-04 13:57

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 8:11


The Ohr Hahayyim tells us that this Parasha is hinting to us here that we have an obligation to return all the lost souls, who have strayed far from the paths of the Torah. We must not ignore them, but must try to bring them back to the right path and close to their Father in Heaven. In Dibrei Mordekhai it adds that, in general, an animal will always find its way back to its owner's home. But we should not rely on that and should perform the commandment ourselves.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 8:29


The Hattarath Nedarim that is in the Siddurim spells out that we do not regret the good deeds that we did, but only regret the fact that we did not stipulate that this was Beli Neder.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 8:47


Shoftim: You Shall Be Perfect

Thursday, August 8, 2013/Elul 2, 5773[/br]
תמים תהיה עם ה' א' "You shall be perfect with the L-rd your G-d" (Debarim 18:13). One should not question the attributes of G-d, even in one's heart. When it says that you shall be perfect with the L-rd your G-d, it comes to tell us that even when it comes to thoughts, that no one knows, except G-d who is the One who examines our hearts, we must be perfect. Another explanation is that the letter "ת" (Taw) of the word Tamim is larger. This comes to hint at Talmud. Talmud Torah (studying Torah) is great because it leads us to the performance of the commandments. The larger letter comes to stress the importance of studying Torah.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 9:05


When annulling vows and oaths before Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, a husband may annul them on behalf of his wife.

Name: Anonymous 2013-08-31 9:07

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LE FRIENDLY MERCHANT

GOOD RETURNS ON YOUR INVESTMENTS WILL COME TO YOU IF YOU POST "I STAND WITH ISRAEL" IN THIS THREAD
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Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 9:24


Which Child Should Hold the Candle?

Monday, August 19, 2013/Elul 13, 5773



13th Elul, is the day of the passing of M"R Hakham Yosef Hayyim, zy'a"a, the Ben Ish Hai. When Hakham Yosef Hayyim, 'a"h, was about eight years old, he and his sister were arguing as to who should hold the candle for the Habdalah on Saturday night. Their father, Hakham Eliyahu Hayyim, 'a"h, turned to his young son Yosef and told him that if his reason for holding the candle was for mere pleasure, then his sister should take precedence, because she was the younger one. If, on the other hand, it was because he had a deeper understanding of the meaning of Habdalah, then he could be the one to hold it.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 9:42


Can a Relative Annul Vows?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013/Elul 1, 5773

Annulling vows (Hattarath Nedarim), must be done by a Beth Din of three men. Even though a Beth Din ordinarily may not include relatives of the one appearing before them, annulling vows is different. Since no judgment is actually passed, the three who are sitting to annul the vows, may include a relative of the one who is requesting that his vow be annulled.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 10:00


This applies to annulments done on behalf of an individual. If it is for the congregation, however, the annulment may be done on Shabbath, even if it is not for the purpose of Shabbath. This is because the entire community gathers in the Synagogue on Shabbath and the annulment can take place. If it would not be done on Shabbath, the people would not come during the week and the annullment could not take place.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 10:18


The Shekhinah and the Ben Ish Hai's Voice

Sunday, August 18, 2013/Elul 12, 5773

During the four special Shabbathoth (Shabbath Shubah, Haggadol, Zakhor & Kallah), the Ben Ish Hai, Hakham Yoseph Hayyim, 'a"h,  had the Zekhuth to be the only Hakham in his city of Baghdad, to give a Derasha. He would stand there speaking, while wearing his Tallith Gadol (Sissith), for approximately four hours. This took place in the "Slat Il Kbiri" (the Great Synagogue). According to some reports, as many as 10,000 people would assemble inside and around the Synagogue, to hear him. His Derashoth were a combination of homilies, stories and Halakha. When he spoke, his voice would resonate throughout the Synagogue. Even in old age, the enormous crowd could hear his voice.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 10:35


Making an Oath Not to Keep a Commandment

Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe

If one makes an oath (Shebu'ah), not to keep a commandment specified in the Torah, such as Sissith (ציצית), Tefillin (תפלין), or Massah (מצה), it is considered a Torah transgression, because it was an oath that was made in vain. As such, one is still obligated to perform the commandment.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 10:54


Vows and oaths may be annulled at night. Even though judgments may not be issued at night, we mentioned previously that no judgments are delivered in this case and, therefore, it is permitted. For the same reason, certain vows and oaths are permitted to be annulled, even on Shabbath.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 11:12


If One Waited Intentionally Between Qiddush and the Meal

Friday, August 16, 2013/Elul 10, 5773

We mentioned that after Qiddush the meal should be eaten right away ( http://www.atorahminute.com/2013-08-09 ). It should be noted, however, that there are those who are of the opinion that even if one intends to eat the meal an hour or two after the Qiddush, one has still fulfilled one's obligation. Because of this, even if one deliberately delays eating after the Qiddush, one should not recite the blessings again, because whenever there is a difference of opinion (doubt) about blessings, we do not recite them. As such, if this happens at night, before starting the meal one should say the blessing of the Qiddush in one's mind, or say it loudly without mentioning G-d's Name and Kingdom.

Name: Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe 2013-08-31 11:30


Mistakenly Believing Something Is Forbidden
Monday, August 5, 2013/Ab 29, 5773
If someone accepted that something permitted was forbidden, because he was under the impression that the Halakha was such, but later discovered that it was perfectly permissible, it is considered to be a Neder (vow) made in error. In such a case, it is as if nothing happened, and no annulment of vows is required.
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