Pedophilia: nature or nurture?

Have you ever known an ex-pedophile?

>>110

I'm sure that I would have paid much more attention to your arguments had you presented them in proper English.

Anyway, my thoughts are pretty standard on this issue. Not surprisingly, being an enormous geek and never having the self-esteem or the percieved "innate ability" to develop friendships with girls throughout my school years (a function of both the way I was treated by peers, and the way I acted in general -- not all of what people did to bully me was unjustified, as I was an annoying fucking prick), I pretty much went through the 19 years of my life completely oblivious to the actual behavioral patterns of females. Never having kissed, cuddled, held hands, dated, and of course never having sex, I developed elaborate notions and preconceptions about ideals and morals when dealing with relationships.

As a result, I get offended and downright angry when hearing of anyone between the ages of 12 and 20 even thinking of sexual encounters. This isn't really from a religious or moral perspective (even though I do consider myself more morally upright than these people due to my extreme chastity, and I am completely not religious in any way), but more because I'm pretty much extremely jealous of the fact that all a female has to do is step out of her house and she is chased after by males.

When reading a pamphlet I picked up on how to get a girl, it's got about ten to fifteen "tips" such as "Myth: being a nice guy won't get you anywhere" and "Bad Idea: letting her know how you feel too early on", with explanations and a paragraph for each one. All in all, it's pretty much telling me, the budding Casanova, that I should be going out of my way to try and give off an artificial vibe that most people aren't even born with.

Then looking at the section where it says "how to get a guy", I see that there is not a tip to be found. How will these poor girls ever learn how to get a boyfriend? Well, instead of seeing pointers and tips on courtship rituals, I see a fucking BOOK REVIEW COPY-PASTED FROM AMAZON.COM. And the book review isn't even about how to get a boyfriend -- it's about how to adapt to changes in your already existing relationship.

So they're saying that basically all girls have to do is get out of bed in the morning and they're all set with finding a boyfriend? That they don't even have to expend any effort? And meanwhile us guys are sitting here never even having had the chance to see a girl honestly laugh and smile from being happy at just being around, while the guys that go out and exude auras of masculinity are running around wooing every attractive female he sets eyes on? What is wrong with this picture?

These are the kinds of things that I think about whenever I think about relationships. Of course I don't want to have a relationship based upon sex or physical attraction -- for one I don't consider myself to be that perfect of a human male specimen, and therefore don't really think it's worth it to dress a certain way or wear a certain cologne or spend my time in certain places just for the sake of attracting mates. Another thing to consider is the fact that I don't exactly enjoy going out and partying or getting drunk with random people or any of that bullshit, so these tips are useless to me because they are aimed at the stereotypical "college culture" demographic.

The idea of having a relationship ultimately grounded on physical attraction is pretty sickening to me. Ideally, I would meet and be friends with a girl my age, with similar interests and as much relationship experience as I have had (namely, none), and whose close friendship based on a genuine regard for and true liking of each other basically developed out of human nature into something more intimate, sharing our first experiences together.

In saying these things, yes, I realize that they are sophomoric and very naive. However, I recognize that I am also incredibly naive, and have the social ability of maybe a 12-year-old. I'm shy, don't like myself much at all, don't have any real sense of responsibility (I spend all my time on the internet and spending my paychecks on buying anime and shit rather than study for classes, do homework, or pay college bills -- I know that it's hurting people who are pulling their weight and more to get me through college, and here I am taking all that effort they're investing in me and throwing it in the toilet), and will probably end up alone and relatively friendless for the rest of my life, if I don't just get sick of breathing and kill myself. I don't enjoy being here much, there's nothing that I want to accomplish, nothing I'm working toward, I'm sitting here using up substance and not providing anything in return.

On top of that, I have the internal opinion that any girl who has had more than one sexual relationship in the space of two years before the age of 20 is a fucking dirty, disgusting, filthy whore -- regardless of the circumstances of these relationships. Girls who lose their virginity before reaching 20 or so are also seen as sluts, and anyone with piercings or tattoos or who listens to popular music or who uses chat abbreiations or who goes out to drink or party or involves themselves in any way with a fraternity or a sorority or anything like that... those people are morons and I feel disgusted even speaking with them.

continued from >>111

As you can tell, these attitudes and biases and thought processes are not very normal. In fact, I became quite depressed that at the age of 18, the last girl I ever knew who was a virgin lost it to some fucking prick who wooed her, had sex with her (from what I heard, not in the most compassionate way -- he basically just went at it), and dumped her within the space of two months. Whether this was out of compassion, feeling for what she'd lost by this, or whether I was actually just fucking jealous that every single person that I knew had had at least ONE sexual encounter, I have no idea and am scared to find out the answer.

It is thus that I come to the way I feel. Yes, I am sexually attracted to girls my age. I am NOT attracted to what 99.9999% of all girls my age ARE. In fact, I don't even want to associate myself with them. Even if I were to not completely loathe every one of the girls who were like that, they would soon find that I was completely unskilled in even how to talk to them, or where to go, or what to do, or anything like that, and they would move on to find someone who was able to roll with it where I was basically wanting her to teach me how to behave when dating or whatever, since I obviously don't have the innate ability to do so.

And even if you're not born with the ability to interface well with other people, (though some are better predisposed to it than others are), you still have to learn these things through social contact. I was never able to experience the greater amount of the social aspect of the years between being 11 in 7th grade and 15 in 11th grade. I just never got it. Thus the only way I can ever get it, to catch up to the years that I missed, (since I'm obviously not ready for social interaction at the adult level at this point in time), is to go back and immerse myself in groups of people with my social age. Unfortunately I'm 19 and the people with my social age are all 14 or 15.

And here I come to my dilemma. Since girls my own age are both completely out of my league or interest (and none of them would ever EVER consider me as a potential boyfriend), and I actually have more people in the 14-16 age bracket who like me than in my own age bracket, I have found that girls in that age are generally sweeter, more understanding of my situation, usually at my level in terms of their experience with the opposite sex, and don't have the problem where they feel they have to go out and drink and fuck random people every night.

Of course, even at the most optimistic of estimates, I am on speaking terms with two girls total, one of whom I haven't talked to in nearly a year and who I've heard is entering a relationship at this time, and the other is pretty much someone who I've found myself getting attracted to out of sheer necessity; even though everything about her sets off alarms. She subscribes to the gothic "subculture", listens to that fucking horrible "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" music, has cut herself, has many friends in the age group of 18-25, and considers school to be a place where she is oppressed by teachers who dislike her and students who shun her. Once, in November, we made plans to hang out (I'd like to mention at this time that this isn't some random girl I met in the Junior High playground. She has been good friends with my younger brother since they were both in 3rd grade, so we've known each other, though it's only recently that we've actually TALKED.) for a few days. Being the fucking pussy that I am, I was unable to call her house myself, having to ask my brother to do it for me; when we did meet up, I found myself starting to think about her in ways that I really didn't want to think about her (wanting to hug her every ten seconds, playfully poking her every once in a while, things like that) that I realized were my feeble attempts at subconsciously trying to flirt with this girl who was five years younger than me and a freshman in High School. I talk to her online fairly often, she says that she wants to spend more time with me (even if I say it first a lot of the time), and I've recognized that if I don't keep myself in check I might end up acting in a way that could get me into trouble -- trying to kiss her, urging her to cuddle, trying to hold her hand or something.

I have been worried for some time because I have thought of her sexually a few times, even though I don't think I would ever touch her (she's not stupid and told me that she knew all along how I was feeling and acting... she has been in relationships before so I realize that this is not who I want to set my attention to for a possible first girlfriend -- age barrier not withstanding)... I have therefore just started speaking to her less and less in an effort to wean myself from the only real female contact I have had for nearly a year.

So basically, this is where I stand. I've pretty much been forced into a situation where my only options for a relationship lie in girls who according to the law and the values of society are jailbait. Not only that-- but sexually, it's not the breasts, or the vagina, or other secondary or primary sexual characteristics that give me the most intense sexual stimulation: I have a foot fetish. Thus it's technically possible (and there have been instances in my life where this has happened) that sexually I am attracted to girls of any age, barring of course the obviously disgusting seven year olds. For Christ's sake, when I was 15 my brother's friend, a 10-year-old girl, slept over at the house a few times, and every time she was over I licked her feet while she was sleeping. Of course I also did it to my cousin who was the same age as me, at around the same point in time (said cousin three years later then got fucking pregnant and now lives in the fucking ghetto doing drugs -- the mother's side of the family is full of trash and losers, you British folk call them chavs I guess), and a few times while at friends' houses I have satisfied myself sexually with the feet of their sisters.

So basically I have the potential to be aroused by the feet of a twelve-year-old at this point right now, and if I had the chance I would probably act on it; wouldn't touch her sexually, that doesn't interest me much, if I did anything I'd probably ogle her feet and maybe touch them if she'd let me.

So now you get the idea of just how fucked up I am.