Telling jokes partly wrong

So, these two peanuts are walking down the street.  One was sexually assaulted by her stepfather.  A-SALT-ed, get it?  Salt?  Salted peanuts?

Descartes walks into a cafe and sits down for a meal. The waitress asks if he'd like some coffee and he says "no thank you" before suddenly vanishing.

Britney Spears, the Dalai Lama, and Michael Jackson are on a plane when it suddenly breaks down.  Unfortunately, there aren't enough parachutes for everyone.

As they're about to jump, the Dalai Lama says "Wait!  What about the children?"

"Screw the children!" Britney Spears shouts.

And they did.

>>2
dont get it

That's not funny man!

>>5
You're an anus!

>>4
Because it's told _partly wrong.

>>5
肛門なめられたことある?

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a-salted ... peanut.

>>9
Jeepers, did they catch the guy?

a jewish boy asks his father for $10
his father replies "$20, what do you need $30 for. you can buy something nice for $40. here's your $50, and get yourself a present"

>>11
A jew joke, how original, NOT!

>>12
You're an anus!

So there were three canadians sitting in a bar. One canadian was fat, one canadian was irish, and the third canadian was a moose. So fatty said to moosey, im as loosey as a goosey. The irish canadian said that was a dumb thing to say. What the hell is wrong with you you dumb canadians. Moosey and Fatty said your canadian too you dumb slut. This made the irish one very angry and he was like heck no you stupid prostitutes. Im irish. They didn't believe him one bit. Later on that night when they had a little more to drink, the irish one was like, i can prove im not canadian. Moosey and fatty said i'd like to see thaty but your names not patty and you are a ratty. The irish man said nah cracka, this is how its gunna be. I will tell you the capital of any state in america, cuz im smarter than a canadian. You canadians don't know anything. They said alright, whats the capital of Mississippi? Then he was like ah cracka, that one is so easy. Its a capital "m" of course. You think im a retard? They canadians were like, oh snap that cracka is ill. You aren't canadian cuz we are retards and wouldn't have known that.

>>11
lol I get it. His father is a banker and practices usury. lol, KIKES.

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.  The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'  To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'  And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'  He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.'  So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.  He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'  The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'  Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'  The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnayfin' him either.'  The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.  Just then, the Chinese guy jumps out from behind the sand with a shovel and a broom, and yells, "I got your fuckin' supplies here, Joe!"

Out in the open farming country, there lived a farmer with a hobby. He collected tractors. He had big ones and small ones, red ones and green ones, and everything in between. And of course, all this machinery took a lot of space, so he had a number of specially constructed buildings.
But slowly, over the years, he got bored of his collection, until one day he decided to get rid of the whole lot, and he set fire to them.
A neighbouring farmer visited him, and found him standing at the entrance to one of the barns, sucking the smoke out of the building to keep the fire burning.
"What's going on?" asked the visitor.
"Well," he said, "I used to love tractors."

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.  The bartender looks at them and asks them what they'd like to drink.  The rabbi looks at him and says,"you must be joking."

So these dudes were walking and all of a sudden one found a coin. He tossed it to the other guy until they started to play rotten tomatoe. cletis, the redneck from alabama, bowed deep and said, it is your honor sire. he was chosen. the coin went all the way up his ass and out his mouth, then flying into the chinese guys mouth, and he choked on it and died. the indian guy immediately went for the coin and reached down the chinese guys mouth but it wasn't there. it was only a NICKEL !!!

>>11
why on earth would a jew give money to someone else?

>>20
To loan it at interest to make money off of the money that he gave away. Not everybody can pay this money back, so the Jews came up with something called "collateral"; meaning someone has a part of their property that is worth nearly the same amount as the loan in question in the event that payment on interest is not received, the Jew will then send out his minions to collect payment by any means necessary, including throwing the loanee in prison!

In short, it's basically legalized racketeering, only it's presented as being "voluntary".

>>20
I think he was telling he partly wrong, as in the boy asked for $50 and the father gradually decreases it to $10. Jews don't want to give out more money than they need.

Telling the truth partly right.

:/

>>20
investment?