As the first episodes of a series season "is never any good" (due to overhyped expectations), I'm making up my own South Park episode to enjoy:
THOSE GODDAMN FURRIES
At school the four kids, minus Cartman, find that Butters is wearing a tiger costume to school.
Butters explains: "I'm a furry now!"
Kyle: "A furry?"
Butters: "Yeah, a furry. We dress up in furry costumes and pretend that we're animals."
Stan: "What? You and who else?"
Butters: "Lots of people I've met on the internet do it."
Kyle: "Butters, you're nine years old. Don't you think you're getting too old to dress up and pretend?"
Butters: "Nuh-uh. Most of these furries are adults over twice my age."
The three kids stare at him in disbelief.
Kyle: "Wait, what?"
Stan: "Dude, did you learn nothing from when Cartman tried to join NAMBLA?"
Butters: "Nambla? What's that?" Butters is having trouble remembering what happened a couple of seasons ago.
Kyle reminds him: "Adults looking to have sex with boys."
Butters: "No, no, it's nothing like that! We just like to pretend to be animals! You'll see! I've invited them all over to South Park and we'll have a thing called a "convention"."
Stan, facepalming: "No, you didn't."
The four kids, including Cartman, are standing outside the South Park furry convention.
Stan: "Remind me again why we're not sending in Cartman this time?"
Kyle: "Because we couldn't find a big enough suit for his fat ass to fit into."
Kenny, wearing a pair of glued on lion ears: "Mphlph-rhpglrph!"
Cartman: "What are you talking about?! I once waded through a whole city full of smug just to haul all of your asses out of there!" (Again, this happened a couple of seasons ago.)
Inside, Butters are making some new acquaintances, none of which recognizes him as a kid due to his suit and facepaint.
Stans dad, drunk and wearing facepaint and fake ears, turns and points at him: "Woah! Look at that saucy koala bear midget! I'd sure like to take her to the back room and make sweet love to her 'animal style'."
The male furry he's with: "I thought you said you were married."
Stans dad: "Yeah, 'Randy Marsh' is married, but tonight I'm 'Simba, the wild-crazed sex beast'! The animal kingdom is unbound by the rules and restraints of civlization. It's wild, baby!"
The furry and Randy starts making out.
Kenny enters, inching along the wall looking for Butters, trying not to be seen himself. He doesn't get far though, as the doors are suddenly flung open to give way for NAMBLA, the door mercilessly crushing him into pulp.
NAMBLA, shouting: "Time to shut down this furry convention!"
NAMBLA members, some dressed in combat gear, storm in and starts to trash the place.
One NAMBLA member is seen kicking a furry in the face: "Take that, you pervert!"
Butters leaves and manages to get out unscathed (again). He's met by the four kids, minus Kenny, and seeks cover behind the convention building.
Stan: "Dude, where's Kenny?"
Butters: "I-I don't know! I haven't seen him!"
A battered furry is thrown out of a nearby window, landing headfirst next to them.
Cartman, making an experienced presumption: "Well, he's dead."
Kyle: "We don't know that!"
Cartman: "Oh trust me, he's dead."
Police sirens are being heard.
One of the NAMBLA members looks up from the furry dangling in his fists: "It's the cops! Let's get out of here!"
They clear out, leaving behind a battered convention. Officer Barbrady and his team arrive on the scene.
One of the officers, having peaked inside, warns Barbrady: "I wouldn't go in there if I were you. It's not a pretty sight."
His team member stands beside him, puking in the bushes at the sight.
Barbrady: "What do you mean?"
The officer: "It looks like this convention was attacked. ...by furries! They -... They dressed everyone up in animal suits. It's the most disgusting thing I've ever witnessed!"
His partner throws some more chunks.
Mayor McDaniels looks very upset: "That does it! I knew that it was a mistake to invite those goddamn furries to our town! That's the last time I listen to ideas from a nine-year-old. I'm going to enforce a town-wide fur ban, effective immediately!"
Officer Barbrady, Butters and Butters parents are standing before her.
Butters dad: "We'll talk about this when you get home, young man. There will be no internet for you for a week!"
Butters: "Ho boy. I'll never dress up in a costume again, that's for sure."
...and now I grew tired of this story, so you all go ahead and write what happens next.
Fine, as all of you would rather talk about red cream, I'll finish the episode for you. Parker and Stone, if you're reading this, do a furry episode. Be sure to mention pedophiles bashing furfags for being perverts. Steal anything you want from this story if you're too hard pressed to come up with anything.
The four kids, including Butters, watch as huge queue of the now shunned "furry" townspeople are forced to leave in their fur coats and other actually furry clothing, which are burned on a large bonfire.
A NAMBLA extremist stands in front of the watching crowd shouting abuse at the top of his lungs: "Yeah, that's right, furfags! Yiff in hell! Woohoo!"
Stan, used to the sight of adults derailing his town into utter stupidity: "Oh, god dammit."
Randy Marsh is watching the event on TV, as they interview a "concerned parent" with a PETA shirt. In the background Kennys dead body is thrown in the bonfire, slowly burning up as he speaks.
The "parent": "Innocent baby animals are TORTURDED AND MURDERED just to be put on display for the purposes of some cheap, twisted entertainment of these MONSTERS!"
The reporter, turning Ned and Jimbo: "With us are also some fur murderers. Do you have anything to say to your defense?"
Jimbo innocently proclaims: "I swear they were coming right for us!"
Ned (voiceboxing): "Mmnnno commm-nnt."
Sharon shouting from the next room: "Randy! Have you seen my fake fur coat?"
Randy, sipping on his beer, oblivious: "It's in the far back of the closet, on the top shelf."
Sharon: "Thanks. It's a sad thing we have to burn these, you know. I can't believe you knew where I kept it. You barely know where I keep my bras."
Randys eyes at once widen at the realization. He hurries off the couch to head Sharon off, exclaiming: "I-I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!!"
The four kids, minus Kenny, are heading home:
Kyle: "I don't think our parents have done anything THIS stupid before."
Stan: "What are you talking about?! They do this all the time! They once built this huge wall around this whole town just to keep themselves from molesting us!"
Cartman, walking past Tuong Lu Kim (the runner of City Wok): "Haha, Stan, you're so funny. I think I'd remember something like that."
Tuong Lu Kim, having been passed completely ignored, mumbles something about not being appreciated for his hard work.
Kyle: "Alright, here we are."
The kids has arrived at Butters house.
A grappling hook lands on the outside of Butter's window, and soon enough he's visited by the kids.
Kyle: "Butter, you have to set all of this straight. I don't know how, but you're the cause of all of this, and that usually works for some reason."
Butters: "...bu-ut I'm grounded. I'll be in so much trouble..."
Stan, showing Kyle aside, growing very annoyed: "Oh, that's your excuse for everything. Look, Butters: My dad is right now hoarding moms fake fur coat up in our attic, doing God knows what to it, afraid that people will find out that we have one and burn our house down. On our way here I saw people hurdled up under bridges to have some kind of shelter, just because they once wore something furry." (This is actually a stab at a couple of pedophiles who was evicted to live underneath a bridge, as people claimed that all the houses in the city were too close to schools, but you wouldn't remember that.)
Butters, panicing: "I-I didn't mean to! It's just... ...I don't know what to do!"
Kyle: "It'll come to you. Now let's just go."
Cheerful music starts playing as the four kids head down the street, on a mission to set things straight. Butters is soon seen (but not heard over the music) calming down riots through a megaphone, the kids helping him. He gets the mayor to listen to him again (but we don't know how), who looks impressed. Then he bandages all the battered furries up, and they look pleased and happy. At last he returns all the burned (but now magically whole again) fur coats to the townspeople, and all is well again. The cheerful music ends.
Stan: "See?"
Butters, cheering: "Ho boy, I never thought I could be so easy if you just put your mind to it."
Tammy Warner (from the very last episode) walks in. "Hi, guys. Have you seen Kenny anywhere?"
Cartman: "Who are you?"
The other kids stare blankly at her as well. Tammy sighs and leaves.
Kyle, the "lesson music" coming on: "You know, I've learned something today..."
Stan: "What?" The lesson music halts. "What 'have you learned' today, Kyle? What could you possibly have learned from hysterical people burning fake furs in the streets, or NAMBLA protestors bashing people up for wearing fur suits?! Come on, I double dare you to say 'what you've learned'!"
Kyle shuts up, staring at him in shock.
Stan continues, very agitated: "It seems like every time we 'learn something', some people will always be stupid enough to overinterpret what we've learned into something even MORE retarded, or invent new ways to do stupid things! I've HAD it! That's IT! I refuse to learn anymore!!"
The NAMBLA lesson guy tries to sneak in from the side of the screen, but Stan spins around and catches him: "No! Sex with boys will NEVER be okay!"
Furry guys start to close in from both sides of the screen now, about to fill up the background.
Stan: "AAAUUGH!!!"
Episode ends.
Name:
Anonymous2009-03-13 13:52
When that Stan starts doing a god damn lecture at the end, have someone slap a dong on his face. Maybe Max Hardcore. That would be good.
Name:
Anonymous2009-03-13 14:05
MAIL THIS TO TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE NOW WITH POUNDS OF ANTHRAX
Name:
op2009-03-13 16:59
>>13
Why not write YOUR ending to it? The thread isn't closed or anything. =)
Also, looking at the story, besides a couple of spelling errors, I also discovered that Butters is still somehow with the kids after being grounded. Then the kids head home, only to end up at Butters place in order to free him. =P
...but come on guys: Paint a little beautiful grafitti into the boring concrete of Lounge spam. Write your own episode! =)
>>16
I've always wondered what "grow up" would mean in a context like that. I mean I'm in my thirties. I'm not 80 and I can't grow any faster. What do you want from me? Should I bin my humour, start listening to Mozart and move into a retirement home?
>>21-23
Sometimes I'm wondering what I'm doing here, hanging out with the crackheads at the lounge, trying to teach you guys a little "higher education".
Just look at you niggers. (Yes, I called you a nigger, mister white supremacist guy.) Look at your posts!
Two sentences is like a world record around here!
You post five, you get niggers backing off like: "Woah! Duhr, that's a lot of text. I ain't touching that shit. It might get to me." That's why we have "tl;dr": "Too long, didn't read." ...because you niggers act like you've got a job to get to, that you're too busy "keepin' it real" to waste your time with words that's more complicated than "lol" and "fail".
...and that shit may fly all it wants in Lounge, or in the streets where you live, but if you come over to MY neighbourhood (and I'm unemployed and living in a fucking basement right now) that shit would get you kicked out of every home there ever was. ...'cause we know where you picked up "fail". It was there when the teacher brought your english papers back, the first word that you actually learned to spell correctly. You still have no idea what a "Grade A" is.
...so I'm done with this thread. You "trolled" me just through showing up at my thread, "keeping it real". You could have gotten all CREATIVE on my ass, but no, you guys had to "keep it real" instead.
Here's your crackpipe back. I bet you thought the easter bunny stole it from you, didn't you?
>>27
Yeah, because nothing beats violence in proving just how educated you are. I hang out in /fit/ and I'd love to take a course in "how to improve through beating people up".
>>53
Very clever: you have seen through the writers' deception, whereby they made Stan the Jew when it was Kyle all this time. You can tell because Kyle is the mouthpiece for the writers' retarded soapboxing.