Name: Anonymous 2009-03-12 18:32
As the first episodes of a series season "is never any good" (due to overhyped expectations), I'm making up my own South Park episode to enjoy:
THOSE GODDAMN FURRIES
At school the four kids, minus Cartman, find that Butters is wearing a tiger costume to school.
Butters explains: "I'm a furry now!"
Kyle: "A furry?"
Butters: "Yeah, a furry. We dress up in furry costumes and pretend that we're animals."
Stan: "What? You and who else?"
Butters: "Lots of people I've met on the internet do it."
Kyle: "Butters, you're nine years old. Don't you think you're getting too old to dress up and pretend?"
Butters: "Nuh-uh. Most of these furries are adults over twice my age."
The three kids stare at him in disbelief.
Kyle: "Wait, what?"
Stan: "Dude, did you learn nothing from when Cartman tried to join NAMBLA?"
Butters: "Nambla? What's that?" Butters is having trouble remembering what happened a couple of seasons ago.
Kyle reminds him: "Adults looking to have sex with boys."
Butters: "No, no, it's nothing like that! We just like to pretend to be animals! You'll see! I've invited them all over to South Park and we'll have a thing called a "convention"."
Stan, facepalming: "No, you didn't."
The four kids, including Cartman, are standing outside the South Park furry convention.
Stan: "Remind me again why we're not sending in Cartman this time?"
Kyle: "Because we couldn't find a big enough suit for his fat ass to fit into."
Kenny, wearing a pair of glued on lion ears: "Mphlph-rhpglrph!"
Cartman: "What are you talking about?! I once waded through a whole city full of smug just to haul all of your asses out of there!" (Again, this happened a couple of seasons ago.)
Inside, Butters are making some new acquaintances, none of which recognizes him as a kid due to his suit and facepaint.
Stans dad, drunk and wearing facepaint and fake ears, turns and points at him: "Woah! Look at that saucy koala bear midget! I'd sure like to take her to the back room and make sweet love to her 'animal style'."
The male furry he's with: "I thought you said you were married."
Stans dad: "Yeah, 'Randy Marsh' is married, but tonight I'm 'Simba, the wild-crazed sex beast'! The animal kingdom is unbound by the rules and restraints of civlization. It's wild, baby!"
The furry and Randy starts making out.
Kenny enters, inching along the wall looking for Butters, trying not to be seen himself. He doesn't get far though, as the doors are suddenly flung open to give way for NAMBLA, the door mercilessly crushing him into pulp.
NAMBLA, shouting: "Time to shut down this furry convention!"
NAMBLA members, some dressed in combat gear, storm in and starts to trash the place.
One NAMBLA member is seen kicking a furry in the face: "Take that, you pervert!"
Butters leaves and manages to get out unscathed (again). He's met by the four kids, minus Kenny, and seeks cover behind the convention building.
Stan: "Dude, where's Kenny?"
Butters: "I-I don't know! I haven't seen him!"
A battered furry is thrown out of a nearby window, landing headfirst next to them.
Cartman, making an experienced presumption: "Well, he's dead."
Kyle: "We don't know that!"
Cartman: "Oh trust me, he's dead."
Police sirens are being heard.
One of the NAMBLA members looks up from the furry dangling in his fists: "It's the cops! Let's get out of here!"
They clear out, leaving behind a battered convention. Officer Barbrady and his team arrive on the scene.
One of the officers, having peaked inside, warns Barbrady: "I wouldn't go in there if I were you. It's not a pretty sight."
His team member stands beside him, puking in the bushes at the sight.
Barbrady: "What do you mean?"
The officer: "It looks like this convention was attacked. ...by furries! They -... They dressed everyone up in animal suits. It's the most disgusting thing I've ever witnessed!"
His partner throws some more chunks.
Mayor McDaniels looks very upset: "That does it! I knew that it was a mistake to invite those goddamn furries to our town! That's the last time I listen to ideas from a nine-year-old. I'm going to enforce a town-wide fur ban, effective immediately!"
Officer Barbrady, Butters and Butters parents are standing before her.
Butters dad: "We'll talk about this when you get home, young man. There will be no internet for you for a week!"
Butters: "Ho boy. I'll never dress up in a costume again, that's for sure."
...and now I grew tired of this story, so you all go ahead and write what happens next.