21 years old, yet having a life crisis

i've been married for four years. i've been depressed and got crippling panic attacks for those same four years. some social phobia or something i've yet to go to a doctor for. that's not exactly what i'm here to talk about. i have no where else to post this, maybe some kind anon can give a word of advice. this is not copy pasta, this is my real life dillema as of right now.

an hero, emo, gtfo, etc. all is tolerated. advice is preferred.

well here goes, my wife has been supporting me obviously. the first three years were good, but the last has gone downhill. she worked at a good place the first 3 years while i did nothing, but we were happy. we moved this last year and she's been working at my dads store. this is when my nightmare of a rollercoaster landed straight in hell.

i was supposed to work at my dads store and she was supposed to get a new job. i was supposed to get better from one day to the next and act like i was never sick, but i never pulled through. i never asked for help either so i guess this is all my fault for shutting everyone out.

we needed to pay the bills for the house we moved into so my wife started working at my dads store instead of me. one of the guy who used to hang out there all day started visiting and going in more often. i was still at home not even thinking about getting better or what could be happening outside my living room...

then my wife started to wake up at 7; leave at 8. she got home at 11; was sleeping by 12. her excuse was that she was tired. she told me she talked to this guy all the time, but it seemed like she was only telling me because someone else was about to mention it. she'd ask me if my father came to the house all the time like if he was going to tell me something. she didn't really tell me much herself, but she told me the old pervs would hit on her and offer her money, so she asked this guy to stay sometimes because she was afraid... (hard to believe, she's a really strong person, but i never once denied her the right to speak with anyone and i told her this)

soon she started denying me sex. i would try to wake her up, just to ask her WHY we can't schedule these things and for some reason my words would infuriate her and she'd swing at me then tell me to leave with my father as if i started the fight. she starved me with nothing but water for a week, but then she started bringing me food again. we fought a lot but she told me once "my favorite part about fighting is making up" it was getting beyond this though. we did make up though. we kept making up, but she kept starting a fight with me and then telling me to leave right before going to sleep.

she used some bullshit excuse. "you don't listen to me. you only want to have sex" i tried to tell her it's not like that, the best part of my day is when she comes home and when we're together even though she's tired. i'm stuck home all day, it's not that i don't listen to what she says it's that my life is so dull i can't find anything to say about the things she tells me.

this one night she was officially fed up, she told me to leave or she's leaving instead. i told her, "i don't understand why you're being like this, i haven't betrayed you, i haven't done anything to you? I'll get better now, i know it's time for me to get better! i'll do the chores, i'll work, everything will be different" pretty much exactly like that.

it all became somewhat clear, but not how i expected. she started by telling me that everyone in the bar she's working at thinks she's with this guy. my father told her he felt betrayed and that it doesnt look right that she's talking to this guy and he only shows up when my father leaves, he told her people in bars are very gossipy and will start talking shit about her, not to mention him for letting her do this when i'm not around. she told me that she said "people don't give me shit, so i don't care what people think."

after she told me that, she told me that my father told her she's acting like a prostitute and she's not going to work there anymore. "the people in the bar brainwashed him." i told her i'm going to get better, i told her i'm tired of living like this and even if she did cheat on me i had it coming. i can accept that, i'm willing to accept my wrongs and finally make things right.

it wasn't good enough...

she told me she's fed up and that until i get better she's not living with me. I asked her if i'm FINALLY asking for help and i'm FINALLY going to get better, why can't she be there with me while it happens? she wouldn't give me an answer different to "i don't want to suffer" i told her she wasn't gonna suffer anymore, i FINALLY opened my eyes. I never even asked for help until now, no one even offered it. she kept saying the same thing, wouldn't even look at me in the eyes.

her mind was made up and she left that day, but:

-she told me she wasn't breaking up with me.
-she told me it'll be healthy for our relationship.
-she told me that it can be like we're dating again.
-she told me that once i'm better we'll get a better house and start over.

i moved in with my dad, he told me a completely different story than the one i knew... he told me she went to parties and didn't work sometimes, the people would confirm this. he told me she went to that guys house all the time and their neighbors are good friends with my dad so that's when he decided to tell me instead of not butting into our problems. he told her that i'm just sick, i will get better, but this guy she's with is just a gangster who does drugs all day and he can't give her anything.

I didn't want to believe this, my father told me he wasn't trying to break up my marriage though. coincidentally the same day he told her these things is the day she came running to me and told me that people were brainwashing him. he told me she's being stubborn and doesn't want to tell me the truth, he swears to me. my fucking father got on his knees, swore to me something was happening and that I need to open my eyes and see the truth. he told me more stuff about her, the thing is... in the way of proof... no one saw them kissing. no one saw them fucking. they just saw them talking by themselves all the time.

I didn't want to hear anymore.

I do believe something's up, but i have no idea how to get her to tell me the truth. she's probably afraid i'll kill her or some shit. she's probably afraid i'll kill myself. i still have this gut feeling that she has something to tell me other than "he was just my only friend." i mean we did talk that last day and we did have sex before she left. she told me once i get better everything else will be better. she swore to me nothing happened, yet i'm torn between what to believe?

i just want to fix my life and make things right again.

present day. i'm going to talk with her later tonight... i dont know what the fuck i'm going to say or do. I told my father i planned on working the job she was doing and when she gets one we'll move into a new house like she promised me, we'll do everything 50/50. he told me he's okay with that but he can't ever look at her with respect again. my own father telling me this... he told me the important thing is for me to get some help and that i'm going to believe what i want to believe in the end.

so anyway i'm getting some help soon, anon. but what am i going to do about her? i still want to work things out, i understand if anything happened it's my fault anyway. if i keep badgering her though i feel like shes just going to tell me what i want to hear whether it's true or not, and leave me for good. how can i ask her if this guy meant anything to her... if he was in love with her or vice versa... and of course, did she plan on leaving me for good or waiting for me to get better?

that alone could answer so much. what things should i ask her anon? how should i go about it without pissing her off and scaring her away forever?

tl;dr wife started working, met some dude, people say she's cheating on me, she denies it, but still left me, then decided we'll still be together and living apart.

i want to know the truth. i need to know it soon. what should i ask her anon? how should i go about it?

OP here. i haven't posted this anywhere else nor do i plan to, so i guess i'll just go by any advice given here or i'll improvise later today.

i'll reword my question though.

i want to tell my wife that i understand this situation is all my fault, even if she did anything i understand and i'll take that blame, but how should i go about getting her to tell me the truth? or rather, tell me everything in detail?

thanks in advance, anon

I say give her time, then try to talk to her.

She's obviously been put through alot. If you were my husband, I'd have already locked you in the garage.

can't believe i read half of this shit.

1. Stop panicing
2. ?
3. Profit

i can't believe i wrote it. i could've broke it down and typed it in notepad first, but i guess i wanted to put it out there quick so i could check it when i get back later before i talk to her. i guess giving her time atm is truly my best option. i've been honest with her before when a girl threw herself on me. she knows i'm a one woman man, she knows i'm an honest person and i want to apologize a million times for all i've hurt her by not doing anything with myself.

i just feel like i need answers and i need them soon.

i want to believe her and assume my dad just butted in and jumped to conclusions like everyone else who saw them together, but neither side is adding up. (and i guess i can't say this to her because it'll just give her the confidence that i'll believe her even if she's lying to me) i need to find a way to get her to tell me the truth, the entire story... but i feel i might just push it and she'll tell me what i want to hear, instead of what i need to know.

tl;dr
summary plz

>tl;dr:

 i was sick/shut-in for 4 years. wife started working in a new place the fourth year. she met some dude and told me from the start he was only a friend, people say she's cheating on me and convince my dad/her employer, she denies it, but still leaves me after getting fed up, then at the last minute decides we can still be together, just living apart until i get better.

i moved in with my dad but he got on his knees and basically told me things she never even brought up. my questions remain unanswered and both sides confuse the shit out of me. now i'm planning to get better and get back with her, but can't figure out a way to get her to tell me everything that's happened to this day in an honest fashion.

i want someone to tell me the truth and i want to believe it, preferably her. i have no idea how either side can acheive this.

1. Get medical help regarding panic
2. Give her some distance, but stay in touch
3. When you're better, ask her to restart. Tell her you don't mind if she cheated as long as she'll be serious this time, just like you'll be serious this time.
4. Get a job. Women love money. Without money, she'll cheat. And you also need the money to have a better house and enjoy life.

OP here. update time.

she came early to visit me here... i still had my browser on this page, but she wasn't paying attention to that. it started off fine. it started off the same as before, she said she wanted to be with me. She knows I want to get better, do her right. etc. my dad told me so much stuff and she's been so shady that i couldn't stop pushing the subject though.

so i asked and i asked. i asked the nicest way possible, i assured her i won't be upset, but i kept reminding her that the time i almost cheated on her i told her right away. eventually she started to let things out. after denying doing anything but talking with the guy she admitted she had feelings for him. i'd ask her constantly if he was in love with her, but she said no.

for the rest of the night i pushed the subject some more. she finally tells me more. she tells me that he would tell her things, things she felt she needed to hear. he stopped by many times a day and told her how pretty she looked and what not. he told her one time that he was in "love" with her, but didn't want to do anything because she was married.

we talked a little bit about that, i annoyed her a bit because it took a lot of effort on my part to get the truth out and she just said she was scared of what i'd do. she told me she thinks he's cute, but that's it. then she told me she doesn't know what she feels anymore. we spent the rest of the night together and i think i closed with something reasonable.

so i told her that now that the truth came out and if she felt something for this guy, she should tell me what she wants to do. originally the plan was for me to get better and her to return with me, but it's obvious that feels forced for both of us. ignore it and act like it never happened? that's not much closure.

she agreed and she kept going on and on about how she's not sure what she feels for this guy (he's just a 17 year old tall dude who was there at the right time for fucks sakes) so as the night came to a close i fucked up. i was like "go kiss him. you want to know if you feel something for him? go kiss him then" but i wasn't serious... she took it to heart to sadly. after she left she told me she'd come back tomorrow and we'd talk more, but she said she's going to visit the guy right now because she needs to know what she feels.

welp, that was a couple minutes ago. i told her not to worry, i'll be okay. i know i hurt her a lot, but she shouldn't do anything she doesn't want to anymore. i asked her to come back after she's done talking to him and let me know what her final decision is. she agreed.

i'll post a final update if she comes back tonight.

i'm not even sure what i'm gonna do after i hear the news.

outlooks looks grim.

post pix

tl;dr

beat up the guy, then beat your wife.

anyway you've been married since you were 17?

tl;dr: back at square one.

OP again. wow, i'm devastated. it's official, i'm positive she's trying to leave me by making me leave her first, or she's just trying to make me kill myself. none of this makes sense to me, i don't want to just give up on her. (i plan to get better and already i feel like i dont need any pills to help, but...) i know nobody cares, i guess i just don't have anyone else to tell my story. i don't think a doctor can take all this in without sending me to the looney bin.

first of all she came back and i was outside still thinking, then she smiles at me in the driveway... she looks happy, but my expression remains stone cold. she tells me to get in and we'll talk while she gets some gas. she begins to tell me how she went to the guys house, she told him how he's only 17. she told him about us, but she told him he can't give her anything and they can't be together. she pauses after telling me this, i'm still not ecstatic. I mean what the fuck, i'm supposed to go "yay, you picked me!"? i already told her how much i want to fix everything, but it's like i said nothing at all.

so this is where it gets fucked up. she says "but when i drove off he yelled 'i love you'" fuck i'm not surprised, but then she goes "i don't know anymore. i still feel something for him" i dunno, i ranted maybe for an hour after that comment and she never said a word other than "i don't know" in a ton of different expressions. i didn't quit beg, i pleaded a bit and told her she was gonna suffer anyway with him, but i told her clearly that she's the one in control of this situation. i could go fight him for your love and i'll only be making you more mad at me.

she apologized, she told me she understands that i finally asked for help and i'm finally coming out of this rut and i promised not to fail her like i have these past four years. she says she doesn't understand why she feels this way. she acknowledged she was hurting me in a way no one has ever hurt me, in a way i have never hurt her, yet it was like she didn't care. well, i didn't tell her to act on those feelings a second time, first time was a fucking mistake to begin with and look where it landed me.

i don't know, we left it at that. she said she'd see me tomorrow and all i said was "you killed me" like 5 times. she didn't care, she's probably expecting me to be dead when she drops by tomorrow. i'm back where i started. i dunno whether to beat this kids face in and probably go to jail, move on and get better then accept her back when she sees i'm doing well again, or just find someone else when i get better. i don't know anymore. this was pointless.

becoming an hero should be tempting right about now, yet i'm so dead on the inside that it's not. shit can't get any worse so i almost feel like she does now. i just don't give a fuck anymore.

tl;dr: back at square one.

i think i'm done updating this trash and being a pussy, time to sleep on it.

>>13

maybe if i had a gun or knew someone with one, knives are messy and that means i'd have to do myself in last. plus i'm not trying to spread my suffering. i understand i need to stop being a bitch at life. so yeah, f that noise. married since 17, i left my daughter out of the story. i tried to be the "good guy" most of the relationship and it still bit me in the ass.

g'night.

Maybe I Know
Lesley Gore


Maybe I know that he's been a cheatin'
Maybe I know that he's been untrue
But what can I do

I hear them whispering when I walk by
He's gonna break her heart and make her cry
I know it's me they're talking about
I bet they all think I'll never find out

Ohhh but Maybe I know that he's been a cheatin'
Maybe I know that he's been untrue but what can I do

My friends are telling me that he's no good
He isn't treating me the way he should
He really loves me that's all I can say
Before my tears fall I just walk away

I think being married that young was the problem....marriage is so hard and unsuccessful already, but at 17 and going through school is just unecessary stress....

you gained this panic and depression while you were married...and she knew about it? does your father know? you or her didn't tell your father?...that would just be insane...

listen...you need to fix yourself before you can fix your marriage...you need to be healthy in order to have a healthy relationship...even at 21 your chemicals and harmones are going wild even still...jealousy and paranoia are a common attribute of being in a relationship especially when you are that attached to someone liek that...

there are a lot of factors missing in this story....but...

Let her go dude...it is the only way you will get motivated to get better...you are sitting there not doing anything to get healthy and thinking it's okay because I will always have her by my side...a lot can change in 4 years...people do change...

let her go live...let her not have to feel awful and emotional all the time realizing you are feeling depressed or panicking...let her leave or stay...move back in with your family...go get some proper medical help...beleive me 21 years old....you have 60 years to find someone and this time it will be better because you will be healthy in the head and the only thing you have to focus on is eachother and not yourself and your insecurities and sickness...

ITT tl;dr

you cant try and save a relationship because of a child...it is shall I say epic fails....yuck yuck...

Your top priority as I said is to get yourself fixed, because if she does leave you or if you leave her no court will let you see that kid unless you are medically sound...you can still be the the good guy and not be with the mom...

I was a crazy youth myself...I am 23 with a 6 and 3 year old...two different baby mommas...that lived no farther then 2 blocks from eachother...I am with neither of them...but I am with my 2 sons everyday...

...it will all fall in place for you, but YOU need to be in the right place in your head first...

ITT I come out of the closet. I just feel like its time I stop living this lie and be honest with myself and the rest of you guys. Its not an easy thing to admit to, but I really do prefer the company (and intimacy) of other men. I first realized I was gay at school, I had another friend - at first we would just 'playfully' touch each others genitals, but then it eventually turned into more erotic groping and masturbation, then kissing and finally we went all the way and found a quiet area behind some buildings and had sex. It was amazing! I never realised it would feel so good and so right with another guy pounding me, but it was then that I knew I was definately gay and not just 'experimenting' anymore.
I know I will probably be flamed and insulted for posting this here, but it is just such a relief to be this honest and to finally accept life as a homosexual so me and my boyfriend can live a long and happy life.

where is the tl;dr version? ^__________________________^

that was a touching story, especially the "post truncated" part

you guys are dicks man

OP once more. she's coming again today... after all she told me yesterday and me sleeping on it, i still don't know what to do. she said "we can talk all day tomorrow" but i don't feel like talking anymore. let's face it, my wife told me she wants to be with someone else and even after a side by side comparison and telling the guy he can't give her anything and he's only 17...

shit is so fucked up that this guy took a random girl to his house and his mother kicked him out until she left. when my wife asked him what happened he told her "i like you so i brought this girl home to forget about you" despite him being able to pick up a random girl like it's nothing she can't even be mad at this guy and i'm the one that has to suffer. supposedly he told his friends "i'm finally gonna fuck a black girl" (she's puerto rican) and he got snitched on. even after hearing that she still feels something for this guy.

help me out

You're supposed to feel happy and secure in a relationship with someone. If you don't feel those things, it isn't going to get better and you will make yourself miserable.

At the point when your wife is 'starving you on water and no food' and blowing up at you when you want to have sex is when you need to leave her. Don't do this to yourself, she's a crazy bitch and will fuck you up if you stick around.

Regard fixing yourself as top priority. If you don't, you really have no hope.  Even if your wife goes permanently AWOL after the four years of your seclusion/joblessness - at least you will be setting the right example for your kid and gaining some dignity. FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

You can do this. BE A MAN.

Ask her if she loves you. Eye contact is necesary. Pull out a tear if you think that'll work.

HOLY SHIT EVERYBODY POST TOO LONG
GET A MYSPACE FAG

Wow i actually read the whole thing.well, for one it wouldn't hurt to try and perhaps find someone else? It's obvious she is fucking the dude she met, or worse, does drugs with him. If she does drugs, consider your relationship over. If she gets involved with drugs, she'll just drag you down aswell, then you'll be some crackhead. For one, you've got to do more then just stay at home all day. having the women only work is bound to set things wrong. i really cant give any professional advice, maybe someone else can.,

How about you let her leave with the other guy and fuck her own life up, once she realizes that he is a worthless faggot, who's only interested in fucking her up the ass she would come back to you. That's when you say, "Fuck you, bitch."

OP once more.

i talked to her today. i had nothing... everyone's advice was great and an eye opener though. thanks anon. so earlier today i borrowed some money and went and got some new clothes. my dad knows i still want to be with her if she comes back, but he says he'll never accept her again. so i was feeling down again afer this burst of energy i've gotten the past few days, i went and got a labret piercing for the hell of it. she has her eyebrow pierced so i didn't want to do the same old shit, so yeah.

so after a long day she finally shows up. she's being extremely playful and telling me i look good. you know, i tell her she still looks great and i'm sorry that some guy had to tell her the things i should've been saying. she fucks my day up once again by telling me she still feels something for this guy and she doesn't know what to do.

i blew up guys. i screamed at her and told her she's being ignorant, that she's thinking like an immature little girl instead of a married woman with a daughter and man who's ready to be there for her. she got mad right back and told me all i had to do was work there instead of her and maybe this wouldn't have happened to me. i yelled again, i told her i've been faithful all this time, this one problem wasn't intentional and i'm ready to fix it, but she's throwing everything away when i'm ready to give her everything she asked for.

it was awkward after that. she has this look of disgust on her face most of the time, i realized she's only there because she brought me my daughter and we did her homework on my new bed. at this point i realized what i needed to do. it's obvious she's not gonna tell me the truth, it's obvious she wants to take advantage of me (she let's me touch her still, she let's me kiss her) and yet still be with this other guy on her off time.

so i made a proposition. the things she told me kicked in and i realized that if she truly loved me, she wouldn't turn down her own ideas with a twist. i told her i'm moving to New York City. i told her if she's going to constantly admit she wants me to do everything i said i was going to do, then she'll do this with me. we'll go finish our studies, we'll go get good paying jobs and study a real profession and we'll have the world at our disposal.

i told her instead of being where we are now, instead of being in this shit hole and her thinking about being with some random guy who was a fling behind my back, then why she doesn't take this idea into consideration? we tried it once and i failed her, but give me this final chance cause i know i won't fuck up this time... she asked me where was i headed? where are we both headed? the big fuckin' apple, that's where. the four seasons and a whole lot of success to look forward to, mirite?

she said no. "i'm not feeling new york", i tried to convince her some more, but that's all i got. tomorrow's friday and i know i shouldn't have said this, but i told her it's her final day to make her decision cause that's where i plan on going. that's where i plan on getting ahead and fixing my life. tomorrow i need a decision, if she loves me we can both leave the bad memories behind and start new, start dating, start partying, all that shit that SHE asked ME for.


tl;dr: just read cause i'm probably making a big mistake.

tomorrow i will post my final update.

thanks again for taking the time to read/post, anon.

I know it's easier to say this from an outside perspective, but keep your eye on the bitch. She hasnt been straightforward with you from the start, which means she WILL hold out on you if she wants. I've been with a few women that have acted similarly, and let me just say they arent too bright. The proof lies in that she asks YOU for help with feelings for another guy. That makes sense. Anyhow, just remember you could always fuck someone more intelligible who wont give you shit, so its not all bad.

Phone Number - 360-798-1629

Name - Drew Strickler

State - Washington

School - Hockinson

Sex - Male

Age - 15

Race - White

Sexual Preference - Male

Divorce. Join the marines. Kill people. Gain Drug Addiction. Retry women.

fuck you guys are dicks man

OP here for the last update. i bitched out today, but i'll be happier this way.

so she's still by herself in the house we were living in and i drove there last night at like 3 AM. she opened the door for me, but she wasn't upset. she welcomed me. she was sleeping though so i had to jump the fence and bang on the window, haha. she let me in and told me to lay next to her, she was really tired. i wasted no time though, i got back on her case... i'm ignorant sometimes, i could've made things worse, but i needed answers so i proceeded to ask questions.

we talked and i asked questions. i threatened that once i walked out that door i would want nothing to do with her. i told her everything she told me before doesn't mean anything now, she's told me too many new pieces of info for me to believe she really wants to fix anything between us. it's more like she wants to be with both guys as long as i'm blind enough to allow it. she let me know how she knows she betrayed me, cause to cheat someone doesn't have to have sex with another person, but the first place you cheat is in your mind.

supposedly the main problem was everyone in the bar accusing her of having sex with this guy, not to mention she was upset with me for all the fights we had in the past. she told me she was scared for her life sometimes, she didn't know if she would wake up the next day because she was terrified. i apologized and assured her that wasn't like me and now i'm going to get better, not for me, but for her because i don't want to lose her. i guess somewhere along the way she started listening to me again, she told me she's happy that i'm saying these things.

we spent most of the day together. we had some great sex at home where she finally told me she wants to be with me and wants me to keep getting better. she apologized for betraying me when i was down and she knew i could never do something like that for her. she continued to ask me to forgive her, except that she refused to go to new york with me whatsoever. she asked me to forgive her, to keep fighting for her and to continue living apart and start dating until we're both on our feet and we move into a new house together.

i agreed, but there was a catch. i guaranteed her i would stay with her no matter what, but she had to tell me if anything ever happened with this guy. more than just talking and feeling things. if she ever kissed him, or vice versa. damn... damn my life if i didn't fucking call it. she says she NEVER kissed the guy before, but guess what anon? after i fucking told her to go talk to him that night and see what she feels, she says HE kissed HER that night. the night he told her he loves her. except that she supposedly backed away... but shit, i fucking told her to do it so i didn't know what to believe again.

i dropped it. i asked her a few more times if there was anything else. anything. she paused for a minute like if she was going to tell me more, but then she said that was it... i asked her if it was a long or short kiss, but she kept telling me to drop it. i felt like shit again, but i played it off. i brushed it off and told her it was okay. (i bitched out, anon)

we made love in the house earlier today, i played and toyed with her, i showed her i still loved her and how i was sorry for being "gone" for so long. it felt good too, i gotta admit. so she just asked me to continue doing what we're doing... continue living apart but seeing each other every day, to forgive her and not use her mistake against her in the future (arguments i suppose) and to keep fighting for her.

damn it all, i just agreed. i know i gotta get better anon, but at the same time i gotta get some pussy too. here's hoping this guys dick has really never been inside her. if anything i'll continue to show my love and the rest of the details will surface eventually. i'm gonna get better though. from here on out i'm just gonna stop fretting everything and get back in the game. that's the end of that, i'm off to bed now. going to work with my dad tomorrow and get paid. i'd like to try and fix this relationship since in the end i have to admit it was all my fault for shutting myself in and paying more attention to my monitor than my one true love.

if you have any questions or comment i'll check back tomorrow. thanks for listening.

/endcrisis