Name: Anonymous 2007-09-05 14:23 ID:RUkN2sVK
i've been married for four years. i've been depressed and got crippling panic attacks for those same four years. some social phobia or something i've yet to go to a doctor for. that's not exactly what i'm here to talk about. i have no where else to post this, maybe some kind anon can give a word of advice. this is not copy pasta, this is my real life dillema as of right now.
an hero, emo, gtfo, etc. all is tolerated. advice is preferred.
well here goes, my wife has been supporting me obviously. the first three years were good, but the last has gone downhill. she worked at a good place the first 3 years while i did nothing, but we were happy. we moved this last year and she's been working at my dads store. this is when my nightmare of a rollercoaster landed straight in hell.
i was supposed to work at my dads store and she was supposed to get a new job. i was supposed to get better from one day to the next and act like i was never sick, but i never pulled through. i never asked for help either so i guess this is all my fault for shutting everyone out.
we needed to pay the bills for the house we moved into so my wife started working at my dads store instead of me. one of the guy who used to hang out there all day started visiting and going in more often. i was still at home not even thinking about getting better or what could be happening outside my living room...
then my wife started to wake up at 7; leave at 8. she got home at 11; was sleeping by 12. her excuse was that she was tired. she told me she talked to this guy all the time, but it seemed like she was only telling me because someone else was about to mention it. she'd ask me if my father came to the house all the time like if he was going to tell me something. she didn't really tell me much herself, but she told me the old pervs would hit on her and offer her money, so she asked this guy to stay sometimes because she was afraid... (hard to believe, she's a really strong person, but i never once denied her the right to speak with anyone and i told her this)
soon she started denying me sex. i would try to wake her up, just to ask her WHY we can't schedule these things and for some reason my words would infuriate her and she'd swing at me then tell me to leave with my father as if i started the fight. she starved me with nothing but water for a week, but then she started bringing me food again. we fought a lot but she told me once "my favorite part about fighting is making up" it was getting beyond this though. we did make up though. we kept making up, but she kept starting a fight with me and then telling me to leave right before going to sleep.
she used some bullshit excuse. "you don't listen to me. you only want to have sex" i tried to tell her it's not like that, the best part of my day is when she comes home and when we're together even though she's tired. i'm stuck home all day, it's not that i don't listen to what she says it's that my life is so dull i can't find anything to say about the things she tells me.
this one night she was officially fed up, she told me to leave or she's leaving instead. i told her, "i don't understand why you're being like this, i haven't betrayed you, i haven't done anything to you? I'll get better now, i know it's time for me to get better! i'll do the chores, i'll work, everything will be different" pretty much exactly like that.
it all became somewhat clear, but not how i expected. she started by telling me that everyone in the bar she's working at thinks she's with this guy. my father told her he felt betrayed and that it doesnt look right that she's talking to this guy and he only shows up when my father leaves, he told her people in bars are very gossipy and will start talking shit about her, not to mention him for letting her do this when i'm not around. she told me that she said "people don't give me shit, so i don't care what people think."
after she told me that, she told me that my father told her she's acting like a prostitute and she's not going to work there anymore. "the people in the bar brainwashed him." i told her i'm going to get better, i told her i'm tired of living like this and even if she did cheat on me i had it coming. i can accept that, i'm willing to accept my wrongs and finally make things right.
it wasn't good enough...
she told me she's fed up and that until i get better she's not living with me. I asked her if i'm FINALLY asking for help and i'm FINALLY going to get better, why can't she be there with me while it happens? she wouldn't give me an answer different to "i don't want to suffer" i told her she wasn't gonna suffer anymore, i FINALLY opened my eyes. I never even asked for help until now, no one even offered it. she kept saying the same thing, wouldn't even look at me in the eyes.
her mind was made up and she left that day, but:
-she told me she wasn't breaking up with me.
-she told me it'll be healthy for our relationship.
-she told me that it can be like we're dating again.
-she told me that once i'm better we'll get a better house and start over.
i moved in with my dad, he told me a completely different story than the one i knew... he told me she went to parties and didn't work sometimes, the people would confirm this. he told me she went to that guys house all the time and their neighbors are good friends with my dad so that's when he decided to tell me instead of not butting into our problems. he told her that i'm just sick, i will get better, but this guy she's with is just a gangster who does drugs all day and he can't give her anything.
I didn't want to believe this, my father told me he wasn't trying to break up my marriage though. coincidentally the same day he told her these things is the day she came running to me and told me that people were brainwashing him. he told me she's being stubborn and doesn't want to tell me the truth, he swears to me. my fucking father got on his knees, swore to me something was happening and that I need to open my eyes and see the truth. he told me more stuff about her, the thing is... in the way of proof... no one saw them kissing. no one saw them fucking. they just saw them talking by themselves all the time.
I didn't want to hear anymore.
I do believe something's up, but i have no idea how to get her to tell me the truth. she's probably afraid i'll kill her or some shit. she's probably afraid i'll kill myself. i still have this gut feeling that she has something to tell me other than "he was just my only friend." i mean we did talk that last day and we did have sex before she left. she told me once i get better everything else will be better. she swore to me nothing happened, yet i'm torn between what to believe?
i just want to fix my life and make things right again.
present day. i'm going to talk with her later tonight... i dont know what the fuck i'm going to say or do. I told my father i planned on working the job she was doing and when she gets one we'll move into a new house like she promised me, we'll do everything 50/50. he told me he's okay with that but he can't ever look at her with respect again. my own father telling me this... he told me the important thing is for me to get some help and that i'm going to believe what i want to believe in the end.
so anyway i'm getting some help soon, anon. but what am i going to do about her? i still want to work things out, i understand if anything happened it's my fault anyway. if i keep badgering her though i feel like shes just going to tell me what i want to hear whether it's true or not, and leave me for good. how can i ask her if this guy meant anything to her... if he was in love with her or vice versa... and of course, did she plan on leaving me for good or waiting for me to get better?
that alone could answer so much. what things should i ask her anon? how should i go about it without pissing her off and scaring her away forever?
tl;dr wife started working, met some dude, people say she's cheating on me, she denies it, but still left me, then decided we'll still be together and living apart.
i want to know the truth. i need to know it soon. what should i ask her anon? how should i go about it?
an hero, emo, gtfo, etc. all is tolerated. advice is preferred.
well here goes, my wife has been supporting me obviously. the first three years were good, but the last has gone downhill. she worked at a good place the first 3 years while i did nothing, but we were happy. we moved this last year and she's been working at my dads store. this is when my nightmare of a rollercoaster landed straight in hell.
i was supposed to work at my dads store and she was supposed to get a new job. i was supposed to get better from one day to the next and act like i was never sick, but i never pulled through. i never asked for help either so i guess this is all my fault for shutting everyone out.
we needed to pay the bills for the house we moved into so my wife started working at my dads store instead of me. one of the guy who used to hang out there all day started visiting and going in more often. i was still at home not even thinking about getting better or what could be happening outside my living room...
then my wife started to wake up at 7; leave at 8. she got home at 11; was sleeping by 12. her excuse was that she was tired. she told me she talked to this guy all the time, but it seemed like she was only telling me because someone else was about to mention it. she'd ask me if my father came to the house all the time like if he was going to tell me something. she didn't really tell me much herself, but she told me the old pervs would hit on her and offer her money, so she asked this guy to stay sometimes because she was afraid... (hard to believe, she's a really strong person, but i never once denied her the right to speak with anyone and i told her this)
soon she started denying me sex. i would try to wake her up, just to ask her WHY we can't schedule these things and for some reason my words would infuriate her and she'd swing at me then tell me to leave with my father as if i started the fight. she starved me with nothing but water for a week, but then she started bringing me food again. we fought a lot but she told me once "my favorite part about fighting is making up" it was getting beyond this though. we did make up though. we kept making up, but she kept starting a fight with me and then telling me to leave right before going to sleep.
she used some bullshit excuse. "you don't listen to me. you only want to have sex" i tried to tell her it's not like that, the best part of my day is when she comes home and when we're together even though she's tired. i'm stuck home all day, it's not that i don't listen to what she says it's that my life is so dull i can't find anything to say about the things she tells me.
this one night she was officially fed up, she told me to leave or she's leaving instead. i told her, "i don't understand why you're being like this, i haven't betrayed you, i haven't done anything to you? I'll get better now, i know it's time for me to get better! i'll do the chores, i'll work, everything will be different" pretty much exactly like that.
it all became somewhat clear, but not how i expected. she started by telling me that everyone in the bar she's working at thinks she's with this guy. my father told her he felt betrayed and that it doesnt look right that she's talking to this guy and he only shows up when my father leaves, he told her people in bars are very gossipy and will start talking shit about her, not to mention him for letting her do this when i'm not around. she told me that she said "people don't give me shit, so i don't care what people think."
after she told me that, she told me that my father told her she's acting like a prostitute and she's not going to work there anymore. "the people in the bar brainwashed him." i told her i'm going to get better, i told her i'm tired of living like this and even if she did cheat on me i had it coming. i can accept that, i'm willing to accept my wrongs and finally make things right.
it wasn't good enough...
she told me she's fed up and that until i get better she's not living with me. I asked her if i'm FINALLY asking for help and i'm FINALLY going to get better, why can't she be there with me while it happens? she wouldn't give me an answer different to "i don't want to suffer" i told her she wasn't gonna suffer anymore, i FINALLY opened my eyes. I never even asked for help until now, no one even offered it. she kept saying the same thing, wouldn't even look at me in the eyes.
her mind was made up and she left that day, but:
-she told me she wasn't breaking up with me.
-she told me it'll be healthy for our relationship.
-she told me that it can be like we're dating again.
-she told me that once i'm better we'll get a better house and start over.
i moved in with my dad, he told me a completely different story than the one i knew... he told me she went to parties and didn't work sometimes, the people would confirm this. he told me she went to that guys house all the time and their neighbors are good friends with my dad so that's when he decided to tell me instead of not butting into our problems. he told her that i'm just sick, i will get better, but this guy she's with is just a gangster who does drugs all day and he can't give her anything.
I didn't want to believe this, my father told me he wasn't trying to break up my marriage though. coincidentally the same day he told her these things is the day she came running to me and told me that people were brainwashing him. he told me she's being stubborn and doesn't want to tell me the truth, he swears to me. my fucking father got on his knees, swore to me something was happening and that I need to open my eyes and see the truth. he told me more stuff about her, the thing is... in the way of proof... no one saw them kissing. no one saw them fucking. they just saw them talking by themselves all the time.
I didn't want to hear anymore.
I do believe something's up, but i have no idea how to get her to tell me the truth. she's probably afraid i'll kill her or some shit. she's probably afraid i'll kill myself. i still have this gut feeling that she has something to tell me other than "he was just my only friend." i mean we did talk that last day and we did have sex before she left. she told me once i get better everything else will be better. she swore to me nothing happened, yet i'm torn between what to believe?
i just want to fix my life and make things right again.
present day. i'm going to talk with her later tonight... i dont know what the fuck i'm going to say or do. I told my father i planned on working the job she was doing and when she gets one we'll move into a new house like she promised me, we'll do everything 50/50. he told me he's okay with that but he can't ever look at her with respect again. my own father telling me this... he told me the important thing is for me to get some help and that i'm going to believe what i want to believe in the end.
so anyway i'm getting some help soon, anon. but what am i going to do about her? i still want to work things out, i understand if anything happened it's my fault anyway. if i keep badgering her though i feel like shes just going to tell me what i want to hear whether it's true or not, and leave me for good. how can i ask her if this guy meant anything to her... if he was in love with her or vice versa... and of course, did she plan on leaving me for good or waiting for me to get better?
that alone could answer so much. what things should i ask her anon? how should i go about it without pissing her off and scaring her away forever?
tl;dr wife started working, met some dude, people say she's cheating on me, she denies it, but still left me, then decided we'll still be together and living apart.
i want to know the truth. i need to know it soon. what should i ask her anon? how should i go about it?