I seem to be a rare type of guy to find. I'm quiet, really dumbstruck, and just not an exciting person. I have a brother that is probably one of the smartest people I know and has a insane work ethic, but yet I am the laziest person you will ever meet (if you ever meet me)
I don't understand how he is so outgoing, extremely smart and now rich, alwways had something new to do...and I have nothing. I am not that outgoing, im more reserved to myself, not smart at all, and well lets just say I have a minimum wage job (im 17).
I have been dealing with this fact my whole life but have not really realized this until the past few months. I can only meet certain types of people, people that will actually come up to me and try to make friends. At work I only get along with one person there and he is my age, I can't seem to get along with people older than me (eg. my brother)
At family gatherings, I don't say a word unless I'm asked a question, and my answer is usually a "yes" or a "no" followed by no other words. Everyone thinks that I'm useless.
I wish I could be more like my brother and say things that I wouldnt normally in front of a group of people such as my family. I rarely talk to my parents about anything....I haven't ever had a girlfriend before, and I haven't joined a school activity in any of my four years of high school. I get decent grades but I really forget really quickly what I learn and no matter how hard I try to forget anyways.... See, if I had grades going for me (get all A's in AP courses, etc) then I would not be here writing this post . but since I am not in high courses (regular classes) AND I am a loser, I got suicide on my mind. I always thought of it as A.) Be smart and be labeled a nerd all my life or B.) Be funny, charming, and a ladies man, but be dumb. Any of these two choices I will take but since I have NEITHER of them makes me think. I know these ideas are very weird and are not normally thought of, but this is waht I think about in my spare time.....
i finally have devised a plan to end my life but there is still a tiny tiny bit of me that wants to hang on,doesnt want me to fade away into existence but is that tiny bit enough?
i want to live, have the life i see my friends having and most of all i want to feel wanted. But i dont know how much longer i can hold on.
I'm 14 and self harm,have severe depression,have severe binge eating, hate and am hated by my parents, failing school, have no purpose in life.
Is the any point staying here?
I dont think it will be possible to get help, my parents are the most selfish twats who dont realize that i have feelings, think its ok to spit in my face, take the piss out of my weight, make fun of me because they found my old suicide note, and i cant get theapory or anything without them knowing can i.
i dont think i will ever be or feel love again for my heart has been broken too many times, even by the people i live with.
Basically i dont know what to do
Im worried about what is after life
but then it seems like such an alternative
im just so lost and broken i hate myself, i hate life and i hate the fact people all over the world are dying from thirst and here i am complaining abotu life but if i could switch lifes i would
i dont deserve shit
well.... thanks for reading
Name:
Anonymous2007-09-02 4:19 ID:FknSpeKv
I'm tired of everyone wanting to die, trust me I'm bottom of the fucking barrel right now and i don't even want to die.
It's kinda lazy.
Go all massacre somewhere or something, it's more fun for the press
At least sell yourself into slave labor then kill yourself
Name:
Anonymous2007-09-02 4:20 ID:FknSpeKv
>>4
Don't listen to them, killing yourself is bad, things will look up, trust this stranger at least
things will get better!!