Cool thread ideas!

I want to make a thread but don't have any cool ideas!

Give me a sweet thread idea and I might reward you with a ~Real life VIP thread with the subject you gave me~

Anything it's fine in here my internet-friend, just post.

make a thread discussing VIP QUALITY

>>3
There is already a thread about the nature of VIP QUALITY.

I believe >>2 has the right idea.

Consider discussing a discussion about discussing good thread ideas

Roses are not always red.
Violets are often violet.
I’m glad we finally cleared that up.

Self-awareness is a great thing, but it makes a terrible prom theme.
Give this next year a theme,
like “happiness” or “fulfillment”!

You can’t have “spite” or “judgment.”
Those have already been taken by my mom.

What are you up to?
Pole dancing? Meth lab?
Kidding. I know you’re
terrible at science.
So, it’s pole dancing?
--
Brother, there’s something you might
want to do before Santa gets here…
Clear your browser!
(I wouldn’t want to see you make
the naughty list at the last minute!)
--
Thanks. I was touched…
…at the airport.
Wouldn’t use the scanner.

I don’t wish for anything
at Christmas because
you’re already my boss.
And you’ve crushed my
spirit. Happy?

Best wishes on you
Christmas birthday…
…and good luck competing
for attention with Jesus.

Hope you have lots of
real-life, loser-free
fun today.

Sometimes kids drive you nuts,
sometimes they’re adorable.
They’re like little husbands
who never buy you anything.

-----
No one’s ever made me feel
the way you do…
Worried that everything I say
might be taken wrong.

Babies are so beautiful…
… after you clean them and put them to sleep.
Congratulations!

Congratulations on your
new beer belly!
What? It’s a baby?! Well, I’ll
be damned!
Either way, it’s cute.
-------
Whoever said, “you only go around once,”
obviously didn’t have to drive aimlessly
for an hour to get his kid to sleep.
Hope things are nice and quiet with you.
____________________________
I once had a hamster that ate some of her babies.
I kind of get that now.

You’re pregnant again?!
Way to find the energy for sex!
---------
I was going to get you
a life-sized doll that
could sit in for you
at meetings.
But it turns out that
all life-sized dolls
are gross and wrong.
----------------
If it helps, your boyfriend was never
as cute as you thought he was.
Sorry about the break up.

Some people drop their grandpas off
on distant country roads and never return…
Those people must not have grandpas like you.
------------
Being a mom has made me so much
more responsible…

I NEVER forget my birth control now.
___________________

Pioneer moms had it much
harder than we do.
They lived in brutal conditions
with no appliances,
and their men smelled
terrible.

I’m basing this on one
weekend of camping,
but I’m certain it’s right.
___________________

Babies are little bits
of heaven…
… if you don’t sleep
in heaven.
___________________

Experts say we should
treat our kids with
dignity and respect.

Which can be hard
to do with someone
who’s been known
to poop in the bathtub.
___________________

Motherhood often requires
kissing a few boo-boos…

… and, every now and then,
having to divorce one of them.
---------------

Keep in touch.

Not literally, though.
In fact, let’s drop
the touching part altogether
and just keep in talk.
_________________

No one wants to disappoint
their mother.

That’s why I lie so much.
It’s really kind of your fault, Mom.
_________________

When I think of you,
I experience
a certain longing.

Or is it, “lengthening?”
Whatever it is, whoo, boy!
Do I experience it!
_________________
Turning 21?
Better get busy…

…those shots ain’t gonna
throw themselves up!
___________

I’m afraid you won’t have time
for me because of your new
baby.

We may never see each other
again. Please know that it was
fun.

Oh, and your arms are kind of
long for your body.
___________
I’m so glad I ended up with you…

My other prospects kinda sucked.
__________________

Mom, of all the things I learned
from your example…

… the best of all was
how to sneak a smoke.
__________________

Remember how kids never used seat belts
and we just let them roll around the back
seat with our empties?
Good days, man.

Buckle up for a happy birthday!
_________________

To My Wife–
I still think you’re super hot.

And I’ve even seen a head
come out of, you know, there.
__________________

You’re leaving high school!!

And not in handcuffs!!
Bonus!
__________________
A dad never stops sacrificing…

Not in the “throwing virgins in volcanoes” way.
The other way.
The good way.
__________________

Sometimes, love means pretending
to not notice www.boobies.com
in the Internet history.
__________________

Thanks for being the kind of amazing dad
who’s always there for me and who never talks about
how I was conceived…

… anymore.
__________________

You’re fun to hang out with.
And, unlike my dog, you don’t
smell like something died.

Promise me you’ll never
roll around in anything
before we hang out. ‘Kay?

---
To My Wife—
I couldn’t forget your birthday
because it’s important.

Not college basketball playoffs
important, but still important.
________
I like to come home
to someone who understands
my life.

So when Oprah’s
not on, I totally bum out.
____________________
I wouldn’t be nervous in the
wilderness if you were there.

You look like good
bear food.
--
You’ll always be my dad.

That’s one thing the casinos can’t take away from me.
Happy Father’s Day!
___________________________

I really lucked out getting a dad like you.

You were completely unaware of most of the stuff I was doing.
___________________________

Good: Taking your daughter to see Hanna Montana
Bad: Enjoying it a little too much
Also Bad: Wearing the T-shirt

Happy Father’s Day
___________________________

Charlie Manson had a family, too, but I bet his kids were messed up!

Happy Father’s Day to a better dad than Charlie Manson.
___________________________-
Why is it that we get happier and more content
as we get older?

Oh, yeah. Medication.
_______________________

Son, you’ve come a long way…

So keep on going!
_______________________

You’re only as old as the number of times
you have to go pee.

Happy birthday to you and your increasingly
useless bladder.
_______________________

(A father and son riding in the car.)
Son: Dad, your music is lame.
Father: If it weren’t for this music, you’d still be sperm!

Thanks for keeping it 100% real with me, Dad.
(Although 75% would be less awkward.)
_______________________

Your retirement can only mean one thing…

You finally coasted to a stop.

Congratulations!
________
___________________________________

You may not be the best-looking man in the world…

Happy birthday!
___________________________________

They said we’d never make it…

Well, screw your dad! He was wrong.
Happy Anniversary
___________________________________

I want you. I need you. I love you.

Oh—hey! I was just talking to your cake. How are you?
___________________________________

You’re 30! Your best years are ahead!

Unless you mean looks.
___________________________________

Plants can feel pain, but you
never hear them whining about it.

Just another way my mother is not like a plant.
___________________________________
One of us thoughtfully chose this birthday card. The other one sniffed every
scented candle in the store.

What can you do? I’m just glad he didn’t like the “clean laundry” one.
——————————————————————————-
Our love shines brighter than the biggest diamond.

So why would I bother to get you one?
——————————————————————————-
You’re not old enough to start buying lace doilies,
but you should probably start pricing them.

Comparison shop. Perhaps.
——————————————————————————-
We made a movie for your birthday!

Kind of. Not specifically for that. And, um, we seem to have lost it
and are currently praying it does not show up on YouTube.
——————————————————————————-
Famous Last Words of a 50-year-old:
“I’ve got one more mile in me. The pain is only in my left arm.”

Have an exciting, but not heart-stopping 50th
——————————————————————————-
When are you due?

Or are you just retaining water and you’re mad now?
——————————————————————————-
A Mother’s Day Craft Project:
1. Trace your hand.
2. Cut it out with scissors
3. Fold down all fingers except middle one
4. F crafts
Happy Mother’s Day to a crafty mom.
(Don’t worry I mean that in a cool way.)
————————————

I used to think you were crazy.
Now I know I was right.

I just didn’t realize till now that it was my fault.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom
—————————

I love you, Mom.

Even when you say “Holla!” or “Oh snap!” in front of my friends.
Happy Mother’s Day
————————

I’m not “judgmental”—I just have opinions about the horrible, horrible things you do and say.

Happy Mother’s Day to my non-judgmental sister
——————————————–

Happy Mother’s Day from your ungrateful bastard!

Y’know, the one you raised, not the one you married.
———————————————-

Mom, if it weren’t for your guidance and caring, you’d be drinking day-old instant coffee
in a police station waiting room right now.

So, thanks. (And yay for me!)
—————————-

Motherhood is a wild ride, call me if you want to get off.

Oh God, I did not just say that. Throw this away now.
------

**************************************************************
Brother, Even though you’re all grown up and highly educated, and you’re at
the top of your field, to me, you’ll always be a young, stupid failure.
Happy Birthday. You’re stupid.
*************************************************************
Happy birthday to my sister who Mom always liked best!
Course Mom’s crazy.
**************************************************************
Daughters are a special gift from heaven.
Judgmental, eye-rolly heaven.
Happy Birthday, Daughter
**************************************************************
I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you, but you were a “test-tube baby.”
And the test failed.
Happy birthday, Brother.
**************************************************************
Mom, You may be getting older, but you still have a nice ass.
You know I’m referring to Dad, right?
Make him do what you want on your birthday.
---------
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
Kill the kids, for one.
——————-
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for, like, $5 a gallon?
Actually, scratch that. How much are cows, again?
———————————————
Valentine’s Day ain’t no thing but a chicken wing.
With a side of whatevs.
———————
You’re my rock.
Especially in the way you sit for hours and don’t help around the house.
————————————————————–
I’ve got you, babe.
Unless you wanna pay assloads of child support.
——————————————-
I’m even more into you than I was that one crazy weekend.
Wait, that wasn’t you?
——————–
——————————————————–
My retirement plan ran into a snag.
It turns out that ostriches are really mean.
Hope your birthday doesn’t bite.
——————————————————-
Sometimes I think your friendship is what keeps me from going crazy!
Well, your friendship and the fear of restraints, and the cold, cold tile,
and the heartless doctors, and the head-shaving…
————————————————————————————–
No one ever regrets matching her bra and panties on her birthday.
Even if it’s just going to the E.R. because you choked on baby carrots.
————————————————————————————–
With luck, your generation won’t be the generation that has to
turn to cannibalism.
Congratulations!
——————————————————————————
Inner beauty never ages…so you should see about getting some.
Soon.
Happy Birthday
——————————————————————————-
Get well or I’ll shoot you.

Oh wait…that’s horses.
————————
—————————————————
Heard you’re not at all well.

Totally unrelated—I’d like to talk to you about Jesus.
—————————————————-
Does a leopard print thong scream happy birthday?

“Cause I keep hearing screaming and I think that’s why.
Hope that’s why.
—————————————————-
The bond of our friendship can never be broken.

Unless you sleep with my husband. Again.
—————————————————-
I know I don’t say this often, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart…

I don’t know who I’d do without you.
—————————————————-
I sent you this card because my thumbs are too big to text.

I’m a freak! Don’t look at me!
—————————————————-
Some people decorate a big cookie to celebrate birthdays!

Those people are communists.
—————————————————-
Real friends can never be separated, except maybe by one of those crazy two-man lumberjack saws.

But then we’ve got a couple lumberjacks, so, go silver lining! Miss you!
——————————————————–
Luck is 50% inspiration, 40% inflammation, and 10% inauguration, if you’re President.

The rest of us get luck from cards, like this one.
——————————————————–
Loneliness is the fuse that lights the saddest candles.

The scents are “Dust” and “Leftovers.”
Miss you.
——————————————————–
“A stitch in time saves wine.” Yeah, well it does for me.

Let’s have some wine time soon.
——————————————————–
You know what sounds a lot more upbeat and positive than it actually turns out to be?

Shoplifting.
Hope you get some nice, paid-for, birthday presents.
——————————————————–
I couldn’t dream of a better friend, because in most of my dreams the people have no faces and are trying to take my ovaries.-
---------------
Thanks, dad, for telling me it’s perfectly normal to wake up like that.

I’ll take it from here.
Happy Father’s Day!
————————————————————
Wow, I’m going to have a hard time finding a husband who is
as great of a man as my dad.

Especially if I end up in a women’s prison.
Happy Father’s Day!
————————————————————
I could go on and on about what a great dad you were growing up.

But hey—I gotta save something for the eulogy.
Happy Father’s Day!
————————————————————
Dad, thanks to you, I’m not a stripper.

Thanks to your ankles, specifically.
“Too thick to strip” is tough to hear, but it’s true.
Happy Father’s Day!
————————————————————
Happy Father’s Day, Grandpa, and thanks for doing your duty
and serving in the Revolutionary War!

I understand you old soldiers don’t like to talk about it and that’s okay.
But thanks for beating the Redcoats and making America free.
————————————————————
Thanks for not being the kind of dad who answered the door
in your underwear.

And especially not in mom’s underwear.
Happy Father’s Day!
_________
Get well soon

or I’ll make you some tea
that’ll make you wish you had!
————————————————
Maybe it’ll cheer you up to imagine you’re a cowgirl and one night
around the campfire, you take off your hat and your hair falls
and the cowboys realize you’re gorgeous and they love you.

Or maybe that just works for me.
————————————————
Gratitude is a dish best served with a bottle of wine.

Thanks for giving me a handy reason! Cheers!
————————————————
If you want to buy dandruff shampoo
without cashier judgment, I’ll buy it.

You shouldn’t suffer judgment on your birthday.
————————————————
A shared kindness is four times the—no, twice! It’s twice something…

Thanks again. Can I borrow a calculator?
————————————————
A good drinking game is to take a drink every time
the birthday song says ‘happy birthday.’

Call a cab and have a great birthday.
______________
It’s your birthday, and I love you!

Still, if you don’t stop whistling, I’m going to kill you.
———————————————–
I almost missed your birthday, I’ve been busy trying to
stop using “air quotes.”

“Go for it” on your birthday! Oh, crap.
———————————————–
May your wheezing cough be more productive today.

Forgive me, I tend to gush at birthdays,
my emotions just take over and I’m sunk.
———————————————–
On your birthday, I wish you one
perfect moment of time all by yourself.

Hint: Mall bathroom, handicap stall.
You’ll never get that kind of privacy at home.
———————————————–
Are you really sick? Or is your body just crying out
over certain emotional issues that you’re not dealing with?

You’re really sick? Well, get better then.
———————————————–
I never forget a face. Although there are some I wish I could.

Your face is one that is always great to see.
———————————————–
This card can do something e-mail never could.

You can’t roll up and smoke e-mail.
___________________
Motherhood often requires kissing a few boo-boos.

And every now and then, having to divorce one of them.
Happy Mother’s Day!
———————————————————
Thanks for being a fun grandma, and not the kind my friends have.

Dead ones.
———————————————————
Happy Mother’s Day!

From the best thing you ever made out of eggs.
———————————————————
Mom, I know I don’t say it often enough, but…

Will you make me a sandwich?
Happy Mother’s Day!
———————————————————
Wasn’t sure what to get you for Mother’s Day…

The prison gift shop is really limited.
———————————————————
Thanks, Mom, for having “the talk” with me.

Turns out I like sex quite a bit.

Impressive contributions.

tl;dr

But seriously, some of those were pretty funny. Shame I don't go on dis enough to know the origins of those