Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evenings News)
This article from a daily newspaper with a very high circulation in England. If this was a troll, or satire, it would be funny.
But it's not.
An actual quote from the article "The trouble with a 'scientific' argument, of course, is that it is not made in the real world, but in a laboratory by an unimaginative academic relying solely on empirical facts."
World’s Fastest Furniture. At 87 mph, this sofa called Casual Lofa is the world’s fastest furniture:
This sofa is fully street legal! It has an MoT and Vehicle Licence and is powered by a mid-mounted, unleaded A-series Mini engine.
Along with the Leopard skin upholstery, the unusual features include a pizza pan (complete with pepperoni pizza) steering wheel, hand operated drinks-can brake ‘pedal’, a chocolate bar to select the 4 automatic gears and a knee throttle which facilitates a feet-up (or down)driving position.
Seattle: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.