Necronomicon

To those seeking the Necronomicon: Stop. Bad idea. Just don't.

I know some of you would like to know stuff about the "cool" gods of old and such, and think that all these "going insane" rumors are just bullshit. Well guess what, they're not. You have no idea what you're in for. I haven't read it, but I have become able to grasp the notion of just what it's briefly about, and I'm insane now. I went insane after writing just a 3 page description of the old gods, and I went insane. You multiply that by about a hundred, and you've got a 300 page book the size of the Necronomicon, meaning you'll be a hundred times more insane than me if you could ever hope to finish it.

Let's do some harmless comparisons:

Reading about Shub-Niggurath is like having a giant penis showed so far up your ass, it will forever be lodged in your brain, doing your thinking for you. "Mindfuck" will get a new meaning, daily.

Reading about Nyarlathotep is like watching everything around you melt and slither like if you're in a giant nest of hungry snakes who haven't caught the scent of you just yet, and experience that for the rest of your life. You'll start reading science books just to learn protective spells.

Reading about Cthulhu is pretty okay, actually. He's big, he's powerful, but at least his flesh is three-dimensional. It's his mind that you'd have to worry about. Then again you tell me what's so settling with a gigantic octopus high-priest ACTUALLY EXISTING.

Yog-Sothoth on the other hand... Man, where do I begin with this guy? I means he lives between dimensions, and the things he can manifest... Well, let's just say that watching some cheap CGI effects can't beat staring at a forth dimensional planeshift in real life. ...and if the floating bubbles don't scare you, just you wait until something comes OUT of them.

...so please just stop searching for the Necronomicon. It's not cool. It's just stupid.

We now return you to your regular programming.

Regular EXPERT BBCODE PROGRAMMING desu ka?

http://google.com/search?hl=en&q=necronomicon

WE MUST ROB THE BRITISH MUSEUM TO OBTAIN THE BOOK!

Every few years you will see
An ad as well writ as can be!
Offering for sale a book. . .
Whose title is the selling hook.

It's called the Necronomicon
To summon horrors from beyond. . .
Or so 'twas claimed by H.P.L.. . .
Writ by an Arab 'mad as hell!

The author, poor Abdul Alhazred,
Was 'et by demons in Damascus --
And how his book survived,
Don't ask us!

Lovecraft's fans both far and near
Have searched for many a fruitless year
To find this book of evil spells
But the truth is sad to tell. . .

THERE AIN'T NO NECRONOMICON !

There is a Key of Solomon
And a Lesser Key, Lemegeton.
There's a Grimorie of Honorius
And other works notorious. . .

Heptameron, Enchiradon,
Complete with Tetragrammaton. . .
But there ain't no Necronomicon --
Of that we have no doubt!

There's Aramadel and Arbatel
And other catalogs of hell. . .
There's Picatrix (not pick up sticks!)
And other books of dirty tricks!

There's manuscripts quite Faus-tee-on
And Tablets in Eno-kee-on
But there ain't no Necronomicon,
And that's a simple fact!